I'm in love with a stripper!

January 30, 2006

If you haven't heard the song "I'm In Love With A Stripper," than consider yourself lucky. First of all, hello, look at the name! Second, it stays with you for hours, sometimes even days after you hear it, and you go around saying "I'm in love with a stripppeerrr!" and people just look at you funny.

So yesterday I finally managed to get my ass out of bed at a decent hour so that I could attend that which is Sunday School. I haven't been since the end of November, and everyone there knows that, and most people there know WHY. And I hate that! And I feel like such a lame ass about that!

I also feel so transparent to these people and really to myself. I stopped coming to Sunday School after the retreat, where I learned things about Church Boy that really disappointed me.

I mean, I'd like to think that my reasons for not going to church are deeper than just being rejected by a boy. Is it because I don't believe in God anymore? Well, I've always belived but I never really got the whole concept. Is it because of Josh? Well, he's not a Christian, and it IS kinda hard to feel good about going to church when you're committing the ultimate sin of having dirty dirty pre-marital sex! But he doesn't give a shit if I go to church or not, and as it always has been, it's my choice and I do what I have to do.

So I think about it, and I try to figure out if there's anything deeper to it, and I think what it comes down to is that I just don't like being rejected. I certainly don't like going to a Sunday School class where I know there are certain people looking at me like, "Man, she must have really liked Church Boy. Too bad about that." At least he wasn't there on Sunday and I was spared that particular humiliation.

So anyway, if I do go back to church I will definitely be starting over in a new Sunday School class. But maybe I won't go back. Maybe it's time to suck it up and really give Buddhism a try. Right now, at this point in my life, what I really like to do is sleep in, go and do a little overtime at work, and have some time to myself on Sunday night. That's good stuff.

Speaking of church, I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about sex. This is from an entry I wrote back in the day of Matt One...
"Yes, I still get satisfied by other means, but I miss actually having sex. Like, that's a statement about your relationship! It means you and your partner are confident enough in your love that you can like.. have intercourse. And I miss that. I want sex, my friends. With my damn boyfriend. And unless I want to rape him while he's sleeping, I have to wait until we get married."

Sometimes it was nice not to have sex. I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant, I didn't have to worry about him having sex with anyone else (he did plenty with everyone else but sex was not involved), and yeah, it was okay. But sometimes I just really WANTED it! I just wanted to go nuts with the sex, forget about all this "everything but" bullshit we did for years and years. The only times we did have sex where in the heat of the moment when his curiosity got the better of him.

But now...I have to say that I am really enjoying the sex. Josh, well...Josh is awesome with the sex. He was 9 years ago and he is now. It just...feels good, you know? And it is kind of like a statement about the relationship. Most of the time it's not like it was with Mike or Matt Two, it's sweet and lovely and sometimes I can't help but cry out, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" when I'm just there, in the moment. And other times it's just crazy animalistic passionate crazy sex, which is good too.

Oh, and I've discovered that morning sex is absolutely the most amazing thing ever. I just love me some sex right when we've woken up and we're just so happy to see each other first thing in the morning, in bed together, that we just have to do it right away. Man, I can dig that shit. I liked it even better on Saturday because it was raining, neither of us had to be anywhere, and when it was over, he made me pancakes! Awesome panckes that I could have eaten like 13 of. And then when he was done cooking, he cleaned my kitchen and rearranged my refrigerator. I think I'm going to keep this boy around, people.

Anyway, yeah, that was a tangent. But I just want to get the point across that I really am enjoying the sex. After being without it for so very very long, it's even more special and interesting and exciting. And to have it with the person that I lost my virginity to...well, you wouldn't think it would matter, but it's just really nice. It makes me happy. HE makes me happy.

One thing that does make me cringe is that I found out he wears Axe! What really made me cringe is that I seriously do act like those chicks in the commercials...I am all over him like I can't ever get enough. I wonder if that's just our chemistry or if that's the fucking Axe! Interesting.

Anyway. Other things to note:
- I got my oil changed today, and at the place, they had this yellow lab named Spark Plug. That was one cute dog and I'm probably going to get my oil changed there regularly now because of him.

- So at work, we have this office in Burbank, right? Well, it's closing, so now we have to do the work of 16 other people. To say we're going to be very busy very soon is an understatement. I'm afraid.

- I have a huge pimple on my chin. Not only is it ugly, but man, it hurts!

- OMG! Here I Go Again by Whitesnake just came on Metal Mania on VH1 Classic! *contented sigh* Hump those cars like they were meant to be humped, Tawny!

- That is all.

*****

1
"Let's just say my psycho side made an appearance with Mike, and let's just say that he is quite unimpressed with that fact. I left two mildly terrifying and completely insane voicemails last night, and they really freaked him out. So much so that he made a friend listen to the message and they both decided that I'm just a total nutcase."

3
"I sit here and give him advice even though it kills me to hear what he's saying.. he said he had to go to her house and comfort her while she's saying stuff like she doesn't deserve him.. it kills me to envision him holding her and assuring her that she does deserve him and that he loves her and wants her to get better.. that drives me crazy. And it drives me even crazier because I sit here and tell him not to give up on her right now.. I know that's the right thing to say, but it hurts me to say it because I love him and want him all to myself and if I could just say "Damnit! Dump the crazy bitch!" that would really be nice right now."