I need some ice cream.

January 30, 2005

So obviously I should not be allowed to own a phone or any other communication device when I'm having my female time.

Let's just say my psycho side made an appearance with Mike, and let's just say that he is quite unimpressed with that fact. I left two mildly terrifying and completely insane voicemails last night, and they really freaked him out. So much so that he made a friend listen to the message and they both decided that I'm just a total nutcase.

To his credit, he did eventually call back last night. He said that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Cue my brain exploding into about 400 pieces.

Let's just all be honest with ourselves and say what just really happened here: I had sex with the guy. On the third date. Yes, I know, shocking. Most of the people in my life are actually proud of me. So I got me some for the first time in.. let's see.. August 1997.. that's uh.. SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS. And to be honest, it was fucking amazing. It was awesome. I loved it! I want more of it, and maybe if he can get past the psycho, then there will be more!

But like.. a lingering question exists in my whore-ridden mind.. what makes him think that I'm the kind of girl that can do that kind of thing casually? Do you think maybe he could have told me about this whole not wanting a relationship thing before we were humping away like retarded bunnies? Or maybe he was looking for a relationship before I played the whole "I'm a total nutcase psycho" card and ruined it all? At this point, I don't think I'd even blame him if he didn't want to deal with me again.

It was not my intention to write about this here, but lately, if I can't write about it I'm just going to go nuts. I mean, I've told you guys everything else that happens to me, so why not this? I also know that having sex with one guy that I really really like doesn't exactly make me a big slutted ho, but I can't help but feel a little bit like that anyway. The fact that he's in total denial is not helping things. Before I could really get into why I'm having such problems with being normal, his cell phone died, and he doesn't have a normal phone line at home, so I didn't get to talk to him again last night.

I feel like if I can really just be honest with him and tell him why I'm freaking out, maybe we can move on. I can do the casual dating thing. I'm starting a new job in a week, and most of my focus should be on that anyway, right? I just want to tell him that. I just want to fix this. But.. I might not be able to, and that's okay. So, what if one guy in Dallas thinks I'm a total nutjob wacko? I'm lucky there's not more guys out there who have figured that out. And thankfully there's only one more week of awkward bank conversations, and if I can time it right, I won't even bump into him there.

It's okay. He was a training boy. I will know what not to do next time. Too bad I had to choose him to fuck it up with.. I really do like him.

In other news, hello, I have a new job! Not only a new job, but in the 2 years of interviews I've had, this is the job (along with the marketing assistant at the radio station I listen to) that I wanted the most. I honestly think that I will be awesome at this job. It doesn't pay outrageously well, but it's much more than I'm making now.

I'm really, really excited. This whole Mike thing is bumming me out hardcore, but soon enough I'll meet more new people at work and things will happen and I'll move on and I'll be smarter and I'll be better about guarding what's important to me.

Meanwhile, at least I fucking got laid, right? Geez louise.

In similar news, it's important that I go to church today. My church people are all emotionally invested in my job situation, so they will probably be happy to hear that I finally have it covered. I think Church Boy will be excited that I got the job I was so obsessed with last year.

I just won't tell them the other thing.

Cramps are evil and I hate being a chick right now.

I would like to give a shout-out to Ali-Kat, who put up with my "Maybe my cookies gave him food poisoning and that's why he's not calling me!" for a whole day. Thank you, lady. I surely appreciate that.

I'm out. Fuck periods.