January 20th - the surreal life

January 20, 2006

So, January 20th, right?

I have documented this day every year in this here diary, and I shall do it again today. It's just that today, it's especially...important? Surreal? Weird? Awesome? I don't know the word for it exactly.

Anyway, this is from a year ago-
"On this date 8 years ago, I lost my virginity. It was the day of Bill Clinton's second inaugeration, and we had the day off from school. Josh's dad drove him to my house, we ate McDonalds, and then we had us the sex. So very romantic, I know."

January 20th has always been burned in my brain since the day it happened. I was 17. Josh and I had been getting pretty intense in the relationship and that's where it was heading anyway. We lost our virginity to each other and I really dig that. If he had been with someone else before me it wouldn't have meant as much.

So, here we are again. He's going to come over tonight and we're going to umm celebrate the anniversary. I know it's strange, I know it doesn't make sense, I know that I feel like it won't last forever, but right now none of that matters to me. We're okay right now. We're working things out as they come along. It works well that way.

Last night we were talking and he was like, "Why don't you ever talk to me about how you really feel?" And I was thinking..."Why don't I?" So I told him some of the doubts I was having, and he said he was having the same doubts, and we talked about it, and it was nice.

I know in my last entry I talked about the stuff I didn't like and those are pretty significant. But right now, I'm so blinded by this love, or maybe this total extreme infatuation, that I can't find it in myself to care about those things. I know when it gets to a point where I have to really committ to it, where I have to make a decision, those things will come into play. But right now...all I want to do is be with him.

But blah blah blah, I've talked about Josh to death. Let's talk about work, which is currently overwhelming me a little.

In the past 5 or 6 months, I really turned a corner with this whole work thing and now I'm just tearing it up. I get all the important assignments because I'm the fastest out of everyone on the day shift. But lately it seems like there's deadlines all over the place and I really feel like death is imminent if I don't get something done on time. The clock is ticking all the time and I feel like if I take a few minutes longer with something than I'm not doing my job and therefore I'm letting the company down. It's weird, this new work ethic I have. I've never worked this hard before. I've never felt like I needed to work this hard before.

And a good thing right now is the fact that I actually HAVE money. True, it's mostly due to the fact my dad gave me some for Christmas, but I have now paid off ALL my bills (my cable bill is even -$72 right now) and I have NO debt at all. I'm going to start a savings account! I'm not going to live paycheck to paycheck anymore! It's all very exciting and I'm happy that 2006 is going to be about being more responsible with money. That rocks my ass off.

Anyway, that is all. I'm going to have some sexual intercourse tonight and it's going to be AWESOME. I just thought we all should know that.