It took me an hour to write this steaming turd of poo.

April 03, 2005

It's been a month.

And it's really been a weird, weird month. I know it's strange, but before Mike came along and kicked my big ass out of denial, I kinda looked at my body with a passive sort of apathy. I've always known I was fat, but until now, I've never been so truly irritated about it.

Isn't that ridiculous? It took just one boy rejecting me to really spring me into action. I haven't really lost weight yet, but I've been working out and at least making somewhat of an effort to eat better, at least during the week. On weekends, it seems that all bets are off.

But I have all these goals and plans and good stuff and I'm excited about it all because I know, even though it might quote possibly be the hardest thing I've ever done, it will of course be worth it. There's sooo many reasons to lose weight, so. Yeah. I'll stop talking about it now. Just know that from here on until the end of the summer, this will be my number 1 priority.

I just remember 2 years ago when I was in Austin, and even though I often felt like stabbing my eyeballs with sharp objects, I still managed to make friends, work for GM, volunteer on a weekly basis, lose weight, get a tan, and get back together with Matt and have at least 2 months of blissful happiness, all during the summer. That's a lot to live up to, but somehow I'll feel incomplete if I don't do this. "This" being lose weight, change my idea of nutrition and eating, and you know.. just look hot.

Okay then.

I just know myself, and I know I have a tendency to get a little depressed during the spring, so I'm just going to do whatever I can to keep myself productive and busy so that I don't have time to get down about things. A year ago, this situation was helped by winning a lovely $4,000 in the lottery.

Anyway.. on Friday I couldn't help myself and I sent Mike a text message. I sent 3, he sent 2, and they were lovely and civil and other crap, and that was it. I can't seem to get past the fact that he just totally gave up! He is so disinterested that there should be a new word for how completely disinterested he is.

The thing that really gets to me is how he made me feel like such an asshole for saying I didn't think we could be friends, but yet he NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN, so I guess he just doesn't even care about being friends. It hurts, man. But since it's officially been a month, I'm over it. I'm not going to obsessively stare at my phone anymore, I'm not going to be tempted to text message him again, I'm not going to waste any more time on him. Seriously. Really. Okay, then.

In other boy news, I'm trying not to be incredibly and horribly jealous of Matt. He's in Hollywood right now and last night he went to this big celebrity party type of thing that some big cheese person who is a fan of his football website invited him to. I'm not jealous, I'm not massively retardely jealous of how I have a journalism degree and he doesn't, yet he's the one who is actually writing for a living and getting paid for it and being invited to parties in LA. Don't get me wrong - he totally deserves it. But it still drives me crazy.

And also... today would have been our 7 and a half year anniversary. 7 and a half years. That is how long I've known him. That is a really long time.

Fever Pitch is an awesome movie and I recommend that you see it as soon as possible.

Man, Hulk Hogan's daughter is hot.

I've been writing this entry forever, so I will leave you with a survey that I am totally stealing from Heather.

It's a long one.

1. Favorite Beatles song: I am the Walrus

2. Favorite Rolling Stones song: Gimme Shelter, Wild Horses, Angie.

3. Favorite Doors song: Riders on The Storm

4. Favorite Bob Dylan song: Knockin On Heaven's Door

5. Favorite Pixies song: not familiar... am i super-uncool? (Heather's, mine too.)

6. TV Theme Song: Golden Girls

7. Favorite Prince Song: Party Like it's 1999.

8. Favorite Madonna Song: Bad Girl, and You'll See.

9. Favorite Michael Jackson Song: Say Say Say

10. Favorite Metallica Song: Unforgiven, really anything off the Black album.

11. Favorite Motorhead Song: Not too familiar, but Lemmy rocks.

12. Favorite Ozzy Song: Mama I'm Coming Home, or Road to Nowhere, or anything that came off that album he did in the early 90's.

13. Favorite Public Enemy Song: I used to have one but now I just don't remember.

14. Favorite Song from a cartoon: The Muppet Babies song. "Muppet Babies, we make your dreams come true..."

15. Favorite Faith No More song: Epic! Obviously.

16. Favorite Depeche Mode song: Personal Jesus

17. Favorite Cure song: Love Song

18. Favorite song that most of your friends haven't heard: Insensitive by Jann Arden or Day Dreamin' Fazes by the Kottonmouth Kings.

19. Favorite Smiths song: How Soon Is Now

20. Favorite Beastie Boys song: Brass Monkey

21. Favorite Korn song: Urm. Not such a fan.

22. Favorite Police song: Every Breath You Take

23. Favorite Clash song: I'm not cool enough to know any Clash songs.

24. Favorite Beach Boys song: Kokomo

25. Favorite Def Leppard song: Love Bites!

26. Favorite song from your favorite movie: Free Falling by Tom Petty, from Jerry Maguire. Ooh, and Secret Garden, by Bruce Springsteen.

27. Favorite Duran Duran song: Come undone

28. Favorite Blondie song: Rapture, I guess.

29. Favorite Garth Brooks song: Cold Shoulder

30. Favorite song from an 80's one hit wonder: Obsession, by animotion

31. Favorite song from a videogame: Super Mario Brothers

32. Favorite Kinks song: I do not know the answer to this.

33. Morrissey song: I am not quite familiar with Morrissey.

34. Favorite Led Zepplin song: Kashmere

35. Favorite INXS song: never tear us apart (heather's answer, mine too)

36. Favorite Weird Al song: any Michaal Jackson thing he did.

37. Favorite Pulp song: Who?

38. Favorite Byrds song: Fuh?

39. Favorite Pink Floyd song: You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!

40. Favorite cover song: GN'R's cover of Live and Let Die.

41. Favorite White Stripes song: That zipper song.

42. Favorite dance song: YMCA. I don't know! I'm not much of a dancer.

43. Favorite U2 song: With You or Without You

44. Favorite song from an actor turned musician: Rock On, by Michael Damien.

45. Favorite disco song: The Pina Colada song

46. Favorite Motley Crue song: Home Sweet Home

47. Favorite Guns N' Roses song: Don't Cry, but I also enjoy me some November Rain, Patience,

48. Favorite 2 Pac song: Brenda's Got A Baby

49. Favorite Elton John song: Original Sin.

50. Favorite song, period: Don't Cry, GN'R. But also, Dream On, by Aerosmith.

*****

a year ago..
"I feel it coming, and I'm not looking forward to it. I feel the inevitable annual spring depression coming on, and I don't know if there's really anything I can do to keep it at bay."

2 years..
"I don't really have anything else interesting to say at this moment. It's cloudy and rainy-like, that makes me happy. I need a job. And I also need to pee. And I'm re-reading Good in Bed for the 3rd time since like.. a really short time ago. This is what happens when there is no money for books. Sad, yes. Also, yesterday I tried to masturbate and it took forfuckingever to get the desired results. I mean, good lord! Let's just get it over with people, you know what I'm saying?!"

3 years..
"I made a funny today.. someone at work said "It's hard to believe that anyone in the newsroom has parents," and I said, "Yeah, it seems like we were all born out of the newshole." HHEHEHEHEE! A little journalism humor for you."