lemurs are cool.

March 27, 2006

Wow. It's nice to know that I still have some power to get a shitload of response from an entry. Thanks, guys.

I was just having a bad day on Thursday, mostly due to one co-worker who now thinks she is my supervisor when, in fact, she is not and has really only been there about 6 months longer than me. Whatever. It pissed me off way more than it probably should have and thus I was ready for bloodshed.

Some people suggested that the buttface in my guestbook was Matt. I really don't think it would be him since he would have to give a shit and I know for a fact he doesn't. Others thought it was "Jennifer," and I don't think it's her because she didn't seem mean spirited at all. And hey, she wins, she got the guy, so why would she really want anything to do with me anyway? Whatever, I think someone just doesn't like me and likes to make themselves known every now and then. It's cool. It was just the wrong day for me to see shit like that.

While we're incessantly talking about Matt, this is from a year ago-
Speaking of fucktards, I think it's really annoying of me that when I have someone else all up and ready to go, Matt annoys the crap out of me. But once that person evacuates, I annoy the crap out of Matt.

What is that? How come I can't just pick a stance and stay with it? How come there is probably never going to be a point when I'm going to be really and truly over this guy? Why did I feel so weird when he said he took some human named "Jennifer" to the Elton John concert? And why did I feel relieved once he told me they aren't dating?

I have problems.

I told him that I felt weird about it, and he was all, "Well, I don't want you to date other people either, so.." But yeah, he doesn't want more, either. I guess I don't either.. but.. I wouldn't say no if he wanted to make things proper.

I have problems.

I thought I was over him 100 percent and it makes me sad that I'm just not, and only because I don't have anybody else in my life. That's just not right. It's wrong, in fact. For a myriad of reasons.

Interesting. Kinda makes you think.

I feel dorky about having even this much about Matt here because I really just don't even care anymore. I'm not thinking about it, I'm not worrying about, who cares? It's my ex-boyfriend, he's an asshole and is about to marry some other chick. How nice for him. Meanwhile, I have an excellent boyfriend that made steak and mashed potatoes for me on Friday night and last night woke me up at 2 am for some really nifty sex while I was spending the night at his house. Hey, works for me.

Something that is nice to keep in mind...no matter how much weight Matt loses or anything else, he will never be as good at the sex as Josh is. It's a fact. I would feel bad for "Jennifer" if I actually gave a shit.

Um, anyway. Let's move on, shall we? So it doesn't seem like I'm STILL obsessed with my ex-boyfriend? Which I am not.

So, Gay Supervisor is leaving on Friday and none of us are happy about this in the slightest. He is really an integral part of our lives at work and now he's just going to be...gone. I can't tell you how much that sucks. He's always looked out for all of us, and my other supervisor...she's awesome but she has other things to worry about. I'm worried about the future, I really kinda am.

But he did say that I am next in line to be supervisor and if do what I need to do, it could happen in about a year. That is good.

Although, while we're all here, I do have to admit that being a supervisor isn't exactly what I want to do with my life. If we really got down to it, right now, keeping everything that's going on in mind, this is what I want: I want to write my novel in the next year. I want to become supervisor next year, by the summer, preferably. I want to sell my novel and then, perhaps, if things are still the way they are, move to Alaska in 2008 with Josh and do freelance captioning with the company. That plan sounds really cool to me. I admit it's not totally realistic, but hey, rock on.

Gay supervisor gave me some really good advice, though. Like, if I want to be in a position of power someday, it's probably wise not to go around talking shit about people to anyone who will listen. I've done that. A lot. Also, wear shoes all the time, especially if you're going to talk to the human resources person. I'm learning as I go here, people.

In other news, we've been working on Brisco County Jr until our fingers bleed. It's actually totally growing on me...Bruce Campbell is kind of awesome. By the way, I only know who he is because there was this boy, Josh, who introduced me to his movies 9 years ago. Awww.

Also, it's important to know that my body totally got revenge on me yesterday. It's one thing to eat like crap every now and then, but when I do it for like, a week straight, my body will finally say, "Uh, stop it, fattie! Or you will spend another 30 minutes on this toilet!" Yesterday it was so bad that when I was at Josh's house, his dad and I got to the bathroom at the same time, right? He was like, "Do you need to go in here?" And I'm all, "Well, I'll be a while." And he was all, "Okay, I'll be right out." This is a conversation with my boyfriend's father, people.

My mom and I watched Brokeback Mountain on Saturday. It was...intruiging. The part the brought the most out of me was when they just started mugging down after not seeing each other after a few years and Heath's wife saw them out there. I mean, can you imagine? Also, Heath's accent annoyed me more than anything else ever. All in all, I didn't really like it as much as I thought I would. But, to each his own.

Anyway, I have said enough, clearly. I will be going to the gym tonight. It will be good.

*****

3
"You know.. I know everything I'm going through I have to go through in order to get myself together. Moving here, away from my family, was a good thing to do. Looking for a job, that's a good thing to do. Not depending on Matt for happiness and everything else.. that's an even better thing to do. But all these things suck, and I just wish I didn't have to make it harder on myself by moving. But I did.. and now I have to deal with it."

4
"I interviewed the cutest couple today. It makes me sad to see couples like this, because I know me and BB will never be like that. They perform together yet still do their own teaching thing at different schools. They've been married 22 years and still look like they're in love. I want a relationship like that. I don't understand why I don't think I could have something like that with BB. It's all confusing and such. Not fun, let me tell ya."