Talking shit = not good times

March 29, 2006

You know, I never knew how much shit I talk about people until I try to stop talking so much shit. It's like...half my day is now clear because I don't spend it just opening my big mouth and letting loose a bunch of crap that nobody really needs to hear.

Man, I have created drama at work that I didn't even know I was capable of creating and now I have no idea how to dig myself out of this hole I seem to have created for myself. Special, huh?

So I've just been talking shit nonstop about a particular co-worker ever since I got a somewhat condescending email from her last week. Why I'm talking shit when...
a. I know it's wrong
b. I know everyone can always hear everything in our tiny confined workspace
c. I don't really have THAT much of a problem with this chick
d. I should have gone to her in the first place and told her what was on my mind...

I have no idea. I could have avoided the drama and instead I created it. This is not good in any kind of way, like, at all. I used to get along with everyone and be happy and lovely and good times for all. But I don't know, things have just gotten completely mean-spirited lately and I feel really dumb about the whole thing.

And another thing, the people I'm talking this shit to, my allies? They don't like the job and they both will probably be gone in the next 6 months. So then I will have no allies and thus I'll just be in a sea of people who I've been talking shit about.

I don't really know what to do about this. It's gotten so bad that someone actually complained to the head of HR about me! I mean, come on, who does that? But that's really bullshitty and does not reflect well on me at all. I mean, the only other real offices I've been in was my last job, in which I worked for my dad and even if there was politics involved I was kind of exempt, and at the newspaper, but that was in college and people get over things quickly. So I'm new to this and I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Me and the chick I had the problem with did sit down tonight and we got it out and we're both Libras so it was fine, you know? And if I did that when it first happened instead of running my mouth non-stop, nobody would be having a problem right now. But instead I had to go talk shit and now nobody respects me and I have to work my way back up. It's crappy. I'm 26 years old, you'd think by now I'd have some understanding of the way normal human interactions work.

I've never really thought of myself as a mean-spirited person, but maybe I just am and maybe it's time to deal with that. Wow, I really am a bitch. Good to know.

It's not helping that Josh is acting like a fucking teenager tonight. Guh, boys.

We watched Final Destination 3 last night and I have to tell you that that movie fucked my shit up! Even during the movie I was like, "dude, watch out, you are going to FUCKING DIE ANY SECOND!" Uh, tanning beds? Nails? Weight equipment? Nobody is safe! After we watched that, he showed me the scene from FD 2 with the whole car-crashing thing. Geebus...that was hardcore. And awesome in a very gruesome way.

But after the movie I really felt like anything could happen and I would die a horrible tragic death. Josh has a pit bull and I really thought she was going to eat my face off or something. That is one freaky movie, people. Seriously.

Anyway. I think I should just go to bed. At least I don't talk shit about people when I'm sleeping.