The beginning of my 26th year!

October 12, 2005

I seem to be 26 years old today. You know, at first, I was all, "Blah, who cares?" I cared last year because 25 was such a milestone birthday in my mind, but 26? What is so great about 26?

But now, as I'm looking back on the day and getting ready to go to bed, I feel...loved. It's been really a pretty good day. At work, people really kinda went out of their way to give me proper birthday greetings. Even J, who had the day off today, wrote me an email to say happy birthday. I mean...that's just really lovely.

And then I got my eyebrows waxed after work. Nothing really interesting there, but I liked the chick who did it because she didn't try to make small talk.

Then my parents and Donna took me to dinner, where I received gifts of cash and other assorted items. Dinner was nice and warm and lovely, and I had a good time.

The day was just really nice and cozy. People really called me at a steady pace all day long. My mommy, and then my brother, and then Donna, and then Ali-Kat, and then my dad's secretary...even just a few minutes ago friggin Claire called me. I didn't expect that at all, really, and it was just nice. I feel loved, and that's all you can really ask for on your birthday, right?

The one noted exception is, of course, Matt One. I mean, I'm not surprised he didn't write or call or something, but I'm still kinda hurt. This is the first time in 8 years he didn't acknowledge it in some kind of way, and that just kinda stings a little. If I didn't know before that he had cut me completely out of his life, well, I know now. It's something that I still don't really understand, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's just not for me to understand. It's his thing. He's an asshole, he can cut himself off from someone who really cared about and loved him, and hey, more power to him. But damn, it still hurts. Not a lot, but still...poo.

Nothing from Matt Two, but I didn't really expect him to remember. He did write me an email yesterday pretty much just saying that he wanted to call me but lost my number, and he misses me. He said it in such a heartfelt way, too, and I know there's no bullshit there. Man, I miss that boy. Once again...Fucking Arizona! Grrrr.

I do want to say that my 25th year on this planet was a pretty fucking good one. It started out a little slow, but I can't really complain.

This time last year I was still, STILL working for my dad and hating that fact. I loved the people I worked with but I hated that they didn't need me. And now? I have a great job, I'm making decent money, and I know for a fact that they need me and that I benefit them. My supervisor and I were just talking about a promotion today, and it looks very likely to happen at some point in the not too distant future.

You know, I'm not even really thinking about the money that comes with the promotion, I just almost want the title, the recognition that I mean something to the company. I've never worked this hard in my life, and it totally pays off in the satisfaction I get for knowing that I'm actually good at this job. The pride and respect I feel on a daily basis...it's not something I've felt a lot of before, and it's just fucking awesome. Having such a great job has really made me happy this year.

And not to mention...blah blah blah, I didn't exactly kick him out, he kicked me out, but finally allowing myself to move on from Matt One...not sending him emails, not calling him, not obsessively checking his website, just letting him go...is so awesome. I've never been able to do that before! Obviously I feel a little strange about it sometimes, but it's really such a great thing to not be tied to the memory of such a dickface.

I have a great new apartment, a really pretty new car, more established relationships, a better inclination for social interaction, plus a DVR!

I've lost some weight, I've tried my hand at dating for the first time since I was a teenager. And hey, I had me some sex! I had sex approximately 7 times this year! That's officially 7 more times than the last 7 years combined! As Gene Rayburn likes to say, Applause, Applause, Applause.

I also met a boy, a boy I like to call Matt Two. He really did awesome things in my life. He made me believe in the fact that there are guys out there who can be attracted to me, who can have passion for me, who can communicate with me on many levels...and of course, he has to move 1,000 miles, but at least he was here in the first place. I miss him, I do, but at least it happened at all. At least I know it's fucking capable of happening.

I need to go to bed at this moment, but I just wanted to say that I feel happy about my last year, and that this next year will be even better because I've built a good foundation. I'm looking forward to 26, I think we will all be pleased.

Now, please, rock out with your cocks out.