2005 - the year of the boys

December 20, 2005

I feel like this year was so completely boy intensive that I must document it. I know we're all really excited, so I'll just get to it!

Mike - 26 - Oh, Mike. I met him at the bank. We flirted everytime I came in and it was lovely, but I wasn't sure anything would happen. Then one day he kinda slides his number over to me, and then we begin more than just the usual banker/client relationship!

He was cute, dude, what can I say? He liked girly movies, had a 4 year old daughter, loved mustangs, and I just kinda fell head over heels for him at the time. He really seemed to like me there for a little while, but once I let my guard down and let him know how I really felt, uh-oh. Common rookie mistake.

I made a lot of mistakes with Mike, I will admit. But I had an excuse...I hadn't dated in forfuckingever, and I had no idea as to what the hell I was doing. But while I did screw a lot of things up, I think the asshole award goes to him. He knew all about my situation and took advantage of it. As soon as the sex was over, the first time I'd had sex (minus the random bouts of sex with Matt) in 7 years. I haven't heard from him since March, and well, good riddance.

This lasted about 2 months, off and on. I was just glad I got another job so I wouldn't have to keep going to that bank all the time. Could you imagine what would happen if I was still going to that stupid bank? That would not be fun.

Matt - 27 - Well, of course Matt, we all know Matt. For the first part of the year, I would run to him everytime he called, which was mostly when he was horny. Things were weird with us, really. It seemed like things either needed to get going or just plain stop. When I started dating Mike, I blew Matt off, thinking I wouldn't need him anymore. After Mike, I ran right back to him.

But then...things changed. In April, when he was telling me about getting lap band surgery, I knew things were changing. I knew, deep inside I knew for sure, that there was another girl in his life. Sure enough, I message him one day and he drops the bomb..."Jennifer doesn't want me to talk to you anymore."

Seriously? At the time I had no idea that he was SO serious. I thought, okay, well, that's good for now, but how long can he really go without talking to me?

Well, 8 months and counting so far. It's been a fantastic 8 months, though, and I've made a lot of progress in the fight to get over the whole thing. I don't know where I am in that process right now. I know I'll never truly let it go. I know I will always be hurt by the fact that it was so fucking easy for him to let go of me. I will never understand that, but I'm glad it happened the way it did. It needed to in order for me to start moving on.

I do hope he's happy, but I also hope that when he hears a Guns N Roses song or sees a car that looks like mine or someone asks about me or there's just something in the air...I hope he thinks about me and wonders what could have been. I know I do.

Eric - 23 - Okay, Eric BARELY counts, but we did go on one date, so he makes the list. We met in the creative writing class I took over the summer. He was really into dragons and had a tattoo of one on his chest. He was also a fantastic writer and I really dug that. He also lived with his parents and when I called him I always had to talk to his mom first, but that's okay.

We went to see Batman Begins and held hands like crazy hand holding dorks. He seriously drank a whole pitcher of beer and had 2 glasses of Jack Daniels, all in the span of a 2 hour movie. That, and the fact that all his stories revolved around drinking in some kind of way, led me to believe he was a complete alcoholic. He was a gemini and had the same initials as me!

It was cute while it lasted, but it just didn't work out. He had "insanity inside his head" and didn't want to share it with me, or something. The last time I heard from him was in an email, and his last words were, "but you're a cool chick."

Matt Two - 24 - Man, I got so excited about Matt Two! I met him on Match.com and we clicked right away, brought together by a love for thunderstorms and rain in general. He was really tall, loved him some Mountain Dew, smoked a lot, and hated vegetables. He also had 2 crazy sisters and a weird bitch of a mom, but I digress.

Things were completely and totally wonderful for a while 3 weeks. We saw each other many times, we emailed back and forth all day at work, we were both addicted to the kissing, and plans were being made for future endeavors. And then...I have no idea what happened. I really don't. He kept making excuses as to why he couldn't date anyone right now. One bad thing happened after another to him. It was kind of bizarre, actually.

Then he went to visit his dad in Phoenix and decided that it was in his best interest to move there. The week before he "left," I came over to his place and we shared a night of crazy "I'll probably never see you again" fun.

We send emails for a month or two and for some reason, I seem to think that there's still a chance even though he does live in Phoenix, 1000 miles away. But we all know what happened there...not so much with Phoenix. The fucker had been lying to me for months just because he didn't want to feel like a failure.

I'm not thinking much about this clown anymore, but it was really weird how it all happened. One minute, things are so extremely awesome, and the next, nothing. He was a mystery. I haven't talked to him in 3 weeks, and I pretty much think I'll never talk to him again. Sad, kinda. But not really.

Josh - 24 - Yeah, Josh is on this list. As we all know, he's my ex-boyfriend from a loonngg time ago, 9 years to be exact.

It's all Myspace's fault, it really is. His friend found me and sent him to me, and we started talking, and then he came over, and now it's like I'm fucking 17 again. I seriously feel exactly the same way I did when I was 17. I like him for all the same reasons I did back then. I can't help myself, really. And plus, after all these years, the boy still loves me and thinks that apparently I am the love of his life. I am not in a place right now to deny myself of someone who feels so strongly about me. Maybe that's fucked up, but it's where I am right now. Besides, he's a fucking awesome kisser. And has a tongue ring. Yes, ladies. That's right.

I'm still trying to sort out this situation and I don't know what will happen, but I like having him in my life right now. He smells good, and he's hardcore, and he makes me feel safe, and I like falling asleep next to him, and I love talking to him on the phone because he has a really sexy voice, and plus he has that blue eye/auburn hair/freckle combo that apparently I seem to dig quite much. So, it's a work in progress. It's just weird how I keep comparing him to when he was 15. It's a weird time warp kind of situation that I hope to figure out at a time that is soon.

It's just him, you know? It's Josh. Why does it have to be Josh? The one person that I just can't really be with? Blargh.

Anyway, that was fun, and now I'm going to bed. I was a Christmas shopping beyotch tonight and got everything done, and now I'm broke forever, but I got everyone lots of awesome things. Yay stuff!

*****
1
"How is it that I have fallen for a guy who, of all things, drives a Volvo? How is it that I have fallen for a nice christian young man who is prematurely balding, wears strange trendy shoes, a gigantic Texas A&M college ring, and who drives a Volvo? None of my other boyfriends have possessed these qualities. Most of my boyfriends never even graduated from high school, much less college. He's in insurance, for fuck's sake! Insurance! Where is my rock star, my rugby player, my rodeo cowboy?"