Have a kick ass summer!

May 09, 2005

So instead of dreading the monkey fuck out of this summer like I have been for the last couple of months, I'm actually really looking foward to it now.

Today I signed up for a short story workshop class thingie at a community college. I took a short story class in college, but it'll be nice to meet some people and at least have some motivation to get my ass writing this summer. I am really, really looking forward to that! Like, a lot. I want to meet me some cute writer boys, damnit.

I was intending to take an intensive sign language class, but the only one I can find is at a school in Plano, on the same damn street that Matt lives. And.. I just don't even want to mess with that right now. I'd have to go early because the traffic would suck and then I'd have to find something to do in Plano until the class started and I'd always worry about bumping into Them, and that would just not be good at this point.

So, creative writing at a school nowhere near Plano is gonna be A-OK for me! Yay!

And then there's my new apartment with the free washer and dryer and $10 gym membership! I'm going to really make that bitch into a bachelorette pad, you just watch. The boys will have no choice but fall victim to my prey.

I'm going to start this whole online dating experience at the end of May. Tonight I started my intensive workouts once again, and it was really, really awesome. 45 minutes of cardio, 45 minutes of arm stuff, and about 200 sit ups. If I keep eating the way I am and working out the way I did tonight.. I am going to be one hot bitch soon enough. Seriously! I will look sexy hot in about 20 pounds. Of course, when I lose 20 pounds, I won't feel hot until I've lost another 20 pounds. But, you know what I mean.

So between the writing class and writing my novel and living alone and working out and trying to make friends and doing the online dating thing and trying to keep myself from contacting Matt in any kind of way... I'm really excited. By the end of the summer, I really should have a good deal of shit together.

I should also get a raise because my probation period will finally be over by August. But I need to slow down and pay more attention to detail so I don't get fired before that happens. Speed is good, but accuracy is better. That's a good thing to keep in mind, friends.

I'm hoping for a drama-free summer, but I have to allow for unexpected "We're moving in together/getting engaged/getting married in Hawaii in 3 days" annoucements. But that's why I'm avoiding looking at his web page and seeing if he's online and really just avoiding his presence in general. Good times with that.

Tomorrow will be 8 days since we've talked, which is pretty much a record. It's weird and feels a little unnatural, but really right at the same time, you know? It's good to not have him to rely on anymore. I guess. I do wonder if he'll break his silence at all during my 6 month vow of avoiding him at all costs, but I'm not going to worry about it. I just wonder. And stuff.

Matt used to tell me that once I was ready to get it together, it would be like a light switch.. I would just turn it on like I always knew how but just didn't have the motivation. I really feel like that light switch is in the on position now. I feel like I finally get it, and that's such an awesome feeling.

I could be wrong, of course. But go with me here, I'm on a role. And it's just maybe a little ironic that I was only able to turn the light switch on the second after I realized he's really out of my life for good. Interesting.

Awww... my roommate and I just did the whole "dividing of the dishes" dance. Obviously I'm excited to move, but I think I really learned a lot by living with a roommate that I didn't hate and got along with really well. Plus, I'm going to miss the living fuck out of PD the happy puppy dog. He's a good boy! See:

Awww.

Anyway, the point is: yay summer!

More stuff to say, but now it's 11:15 and I have to go be one captioning bitch in the morning.

*****

2 years ago...
"And the Matt situation.. I'm trying to be very careful with myself. It's been a while since he's given me any hint of getting back together, so I've had a substantial amount of time to let my wounds heal without interference. And I've done well with that time, but I'm still not letting myself think that I've gotten anywhere. Do you know what I mean? I see my older entries and I KNOW that I've grown somewhat, but I'm waiting for something big to happen to erase all the progress I've made."

3 years...
"*Sigh* I saw Axl live, once. There he was, right in front of my very eyes. I will never be able to explain to you guys the feeling I got at the start of the concert, when the band started playing "Welcome to the Jungle" and then there he was, on the stage, in his full, magnificent glory. My hopes and dreams, in the flesh, right in front of me."