I think I need to step away from the TV.

November 29, 2005

Wow, the Biggest Loser just rocked my ass off. I think we all knew Matt was going to win, but damn, every single one of those people looked awesome. I should be inspired by them, but instead I think I'm about to eat another piece of pizza before I go to bed.

I think I've become way too addicted to TV lately. I think I'm slowly getting back into my weird hermit ways over the past week or 2 and it's not pretty. On Saturday, I didn't leave my apartment the entire day, which is really weird for me. But I got my DVR down to 6% from like 70%, and that's all that matters, right?

Now, maybe this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't watch TV ALL DAY LONG at my job. Sure, it's just one or two shows that I have to watch over and over again, but still...sometimes, there's 12 hours worth of TV in my day, and that's just not right.

I did the exact same thing tonight, but at least I had some company. J came over and we watched the season finale of CSI from the last season because the DVD came out today and being the CSI dork that I am, I had to run my ass out and buy it right away. Quentin Tarantino, I love you. I will have your babies.

We also watched the best episode of My So Called Life ever, one that we've both seen probably 100 times, at least. I think it's ohsocute that we both have the same favorite episode. Ah, my gay soulmate. We should all have one.

But anyway...I am not liking my hermit ways. I am not liking how pooey I feel lately. I am not liking how completely addicted to boys I am lately. It's really a bighuge problem.

Like, take Sunday for instance. I went to church, and even though Church Boy said things wouldn't be weird between us, well, they were. And even though I'm fine (or so I thought) with him dating someone in the class, and I thought I was fine with just being friends...guess what? I'm not. It still hurts. I still have to wonder why he didn't like me as much as I thought he did. I still have to see him and the other chick together. And I just...don't want to.

I think I'm going to change Sunday school classes because when I'm in that one, all I can fixate on is him, and that's not the reason I should be going. Church Boy...he meant a lot to me, and I just invested way too much into to just get over it, and I need to do something about it that's productive, and that would include making new friends in another class. So, we'll see how that goes.

Other boys...let's see...M is sporting some interesting new facial hair, and damn, for some reason I think it's just so outrageously hot. M would be a good catch. That's one lucky lady he has.

And Andrew, of Hot Cousin fame...whatever. He's going back to England on Saturday and there's just nothing interesting to talk about regarding him. He went out on the town on Saturday night and has been determined to get back out there ever since. Donna says she finds him to be totally arrogant and in love with himself. But seriously? If I looked like him, I'd be the same way. The boy brings the pretty, okay?

We were supposed to go to a movie tonight but when I asked Donna about it today (because he and his mom are staying with Donna and my dad) she said he was waiting for a call to see if his buddy was going to take him out again tonight. Oh, okay, I see, I'm second best tonight. Whatever, Brit Boy. I can make other plans too. Sure, it involves ordering pizza and watching CSI with my co-worker, but that was so much more awesome than making awkward conversation with him anyway. Grar.

No emails from Matt Two in a couple of days, and that makes me sad. I miss him a little more than usual lately. I think it's because it's occuring to me that he's been the only boy who's been totally and completely attracted to me with no strings attached for a really long time. I miss him. I don't quite understand why he has to live so far away.

So many boys, so little time. My mom says that I wouldn't be so fixated and have so many crushes if I was "sleeping with someone." Well, guess what? I'm not exactly having these crushes so I can AVOID sleeping with these people! It's annoying and I hate boys right now and had a bit of a mini-breakdown today because of it. I'll be okay, but I'm just kinda having some issues right now. Blarg, November/December!

In good news, I'm going to Austin on Friday because my girls are having a slumber party! Yay! I am sooo looking forward to that, I just can't even tell you.

In more good news, I am still rocking that ass at work and answering people's questions and getting things done in record time. You could almost call me an over achiever, except I'm not. It's just easy for me, and that is a good thing.

I am trying hard not to get addicted to my space, but it's kinda like crack. The freak shows that have been sending me mail at that place never cease to amuse me. Ah, I love the internet.

I'm tired and sleeping would be an excellent thing to do at this time. Rock on with that shit.

*****
*The day it all changed between me and Church Boy!*
1
"I took my opportunity when he got up to get some water. I hauled ass over there and just as he was going to walk away, I apprehended him. I was all, "So, if you ever want to take a break from the studying or the traveling, give me a call!" And well... I guess I caught him by surprise. Or I horrified him."

2
"I also have slowly come to the realization that if we don't work out, that's okay. I'm not going to have the reaction I had last time. I'm not going to spend hours, days, weeks, months crying over how he wronged me. I will simply recognize the fact that we tried as hard as we could, and I will move on. I will grieve, sure, but it's not going to be hardcore. You know why? Because frankly, the idea of finding someone else to date kinda excites me. Which is bad if I want to stay with Matt, but right now, that's not really set in stone."