Silver Springs, and other things.

July 13, 2005

So, today was payday, and I just about had an orgasm when I saw my check. It's always a special day in the world when you get the biggest paycheck you've ever gotten in your life. Of course, it was due to 31 hours of overtime, but damnit, those 31 hours were worth it! Even if it did lead to me feeling like I had carpal tunnel.

But this check... it's a good $350 more than I've ever gotten on a paycheck in my life. This is a good feeling, people. A very nice and squishy feeling. I love my job. Seriously.

So I had a flashback to college tonight when my short story was critiqued in class. I was a little nervous about it, but not too much... I think my story is good, damnit!

My teacher wants me to put more sex in it. I think that's awesome! I had more in there, but when I read it to my mom, she didn't think it really fit in with the story. So I'm going to add it back, and then some. I can do that.

Aside from the female teacher, there's just me and 3 other guys. She asked them if they thought I was able to write from a male perspective in a convincing way, and they all said yes. Isn't that interesting? It must be all the testosterone coursing through my body. Finally, Polycystic Ovaries are good for something!

And now for the "Overanalyzing certain situations to death because I'm a girl and that's what we do" portion of the evening:

Things with Eric, the hand holding writer boy, are kinda up in the air at the moment. Before today, I hadn't heard from him almost at all. Actually, I called him last night and left a message with his mom and he called me later and left a message, but he didn't initiate contact whatsoever, which obviously leads me to believe that he's just not thinking about me.

So today. I went into class tonight with the thought, "I'm not going to act weird, I'm not going to act like I am disappointed that he hasn't called me, I'm just going to be happy and pretend that I haven't been obsessing for the past 5 days."

It started off well. I pulled into the parking lot and got all my shit together, and I kinda see him walking past my car. Now, he could have kept going like he didn't notice it was me, but he didn't. He stopped, waited for me to get out of the car, and we walked to class together. That was nice.

While we walked to class, I discovered that he got really, really drunk on Saturday night and has been feeling like shit for the past couple of days. I know that's not a real reason for me to be happy that he hasn't really called me, but still.. at least there is kind of a reason why, right? Sort of? Because he had a really bad hangover? And not because he didn't have a good time at all on Friday? Is this thing on?

We talked a bit before class started and I think he kinda invited me to his poetry reading at Barnes and Noble tomorrow night. Well, he mentioned that he would be there, and I said I wanted to go and he pretty much said that was cool. Something like that. So I'm going to that tomorrow night, and I'm really kind of excited about it. I've read his old poetry and now I'm looking forward to hearing some fresh stuff.

Anyway, the class itself was good. I wanted to chuckle when Carla, our teacher, told both me and Eric that we should add more sex to our stories. Then she looked at both of us and said, "I know what you two will be thinking about this week." Oh, lady, you don't even know the half of it.

And things weren't uncomfortable or anything. It was just a normal class, almost like nothing ever happened with us at all, like we didn't go see Batman Begins and hold hands instensely.

So... I'm kinda not feeling anything but a friendship vibe from him, and you know what? I guess that's okay. I'd rather be friends with him than nothing at all. But there's just these things about him that I find so extremely attractive. Like...we were talking about something and he said, "Well, I'm a poet." And I mean..that is so hot to me. How many guys describe themselves in that way? And not only can he say that about himself, but like...it's true. He is a poet, and a very, very good one.

And I'm attracted to him, and he makes me laugh, and blah blah blah.. there's a lot of reasons why I would want more than friendship, but I can handle it. I think it might be nice to have a friend like him.

And I guess I'm not totally convinced that all we have is friendship here. I mean, I thought he just totally ignored the email I sent him, when really he just hasn't been online in the last couple of days. He did answer it today, and he said he had a good time too. I just really don't know. Rawr!

I really, really hate this dating crap. That is a big reason why I stayed for Matt for so very long, because I didn't want to have to go back out there into the dating world. I wish I could put my cards on the table and have him do the same, but I recognize that that's just not how it works. Okay, fine, I'll play this game too. I won't like it, but I don't want to freak him out and turn him off forever, either.

Woooeee, I like to talk about boys, don't I?

In other boy news, we've been doing the Amazing Race at work and I've become absolutely totally addicted. I've also developed a crush on the host, Phil, and his New Zealand accent. I love the way he says "episode."

So what you guys should definitely do is watch the Amazing Race on GSN with the captions turned on to see what I really do for a living. Really! It might be fun.

I found a spider in my apartment today. A big one. Blech! I do not like the spider.

Um, more stuff, but can't think. In summary of random things: Not thinking about Matt much, need to get my hair done, I've peed 100 times today, I'm really tired, I'm watching 30 Days, and I'm horny. That should about cover it for now.

*****
a year ago...
"Rawr! I'm so tired of my FUCKING WIERDO obsessions! They take control of me and I'm like, chained to them or something!"

2 years...
"Because I am in love with someone who I have complete and total blind faith in."

3
"an.. those folks at 24 Hour Fitness are freakin Evil Geniuses!"

4
"We did get in the same fight we've been having for almost all 4 years of our relationship."