The shadow of boredom covers me like a shroud.

April 06, 2005

You know what I've done this week? Nothing. Nothing at all in the slightest, except watch and caption episode after episode of Sanford and Son. Last night I cleaned my room and watched Sideways with the commentary. I also fell down the stairs at work, which was awesome.

Today I came home from work and took a nap. I made a cheeseburger, watched a couple of episodes of Friends, and I'm about to do the dishes.

The point is, I just started a conversation with Matt about his merry jaunt to California, and seriously? We're just not on the same page anymore. He's so beyond me in this world, it's not even funny. There was one point where we were the same, where we were almost completely equal. And now.. we're not. Here is our conversation to prove such things.

Matt: What is up?
Me: How's stuff?
Matt: It's aight.. how is stuff with you?
Me: Neat. Tell me about your new celebrity friends!
Matt: I have lots of them!
Matt: Met the owner of the Dodgers.
Matt: and what not.
Me: Yes, but who interesting?!
Matt: Tom Cruise.. but that's about it.
Me: Oh, just the biggest celebrity ever. That's nice.
Me: Are you busy? Because I want more details. My life is not very interesting.
Matt: Is it?
Matt: I am on the phone and I have people around me.
Matt: so kinda.
Me: Are you home?
Matt: nope.
Matt: Vegas
Matt: Golden Nugget
Me: Nice place.

The point is.. I hate that my life is so fucking boring, and I mean.. what can I do about it?

Not to get too boring, but like.. I watched this VH1 show about bad girls or what not, and I admired those girls so much. They didn't let fear of their parents disowning them get in the way of doing what they wanted to do. In my heart, I'm a good girl, and I know that's why I've never really let myself go crazy. But there's a part of me, the Axl loving part, that really wishes that when I was 17, I could have gone off somewhere and lived the life I always wished I had the balls to live. Dye my hair purple, pierce my nose, get tattoos, learn how to play guitar, be a groupie, start my own band, have crazy promiscuous sex, and just not give a shit what anybody thinks about it.

I've never done it because I just.. can't. First of all, I rely on my dad for my livelihood. That's a lame excuse, but there's a part of me that feels safe that way. And when you get down to it, I've just never taken any risks, and I hate that. I hate that more than any other thing that I hate, including spiders, Nick Stahl, and homeless people who have dogs.

Anyway. I'm a boring person and I really don't know how to change that.

I just thought I'd share that. I'm having a surrealish crappy kind of week. If this week didn't exist, other than a couple of Sanford & Son's not getting done, nothing would really be affected at all.

I also kinda want to distance myself from Matt for a while, but... it's hard because he's getting his stomach stapling surgery like, next week, and I'm feeling really maternal about that for some reason. I want to be there when he gets home so I can feed him jello and soup and see what it's like for someone I love to suddenly decrease from half their size. Weird, yes. Unlike me? No.

While Matt's at the Golden Nugget with Tom Cruise, I'm gonna go do the dishes and go to bed by 10:00.