Hypocrite, plus Red Wine

July 28, 2005

So I'm bonding pretty substantially with the new girl at work. We talk a lot about boys and now she's confiding in me about her "boyfriend," and I find myself giving her the exact same advice that everyone has been giving me since the beginning of time.

First of all, this guy of hers reminds me of Matt, and I have to tell her, "I know you think he's great, but if everyone thinks he's an asshole, MAYBE he's an asshole!" I tell her, "If he's not calling you, he's not thinking about you!" I tell her, "Get out now while you still can...it hurts, but it'll be worth it." And you know, the same shit I've been hearing but never listened to because I didn't want to believe it.

Yet, meanwhile, I'm still hoping in my heart of hearts that Eric will come around and declare his love for me. I mean, he hasn't tried to contact me in any kind of way in almost 3 weeks, yet I'm still holding out. He didn't even show up to class last night! I called him after the class was over and he claimed he had a dentist situation earlier that day and wasn't feeling so great, but man...come on. When things were new and exciting with us he probably would have come to class if he had gotten bitten by a shark earlier that day. Well, that's a drastic example, but, you know.

The point is, I'm a total hypocrite and I hate that. But it's a lot easier to give advice when I don't have any stake in it.

Now, by request, I present to you a really short story I wrote for my class. The instructions given to me was "write 2 pages about something that scares you." So, might I present to you a story I call "Red Wine."

The waiter kept staring at her, trying to figure out if she�d been stood up or not. Charlie didn�t bother to tell him her dad was running late, she wanted him to think of her as mysterious and perhaps a little pathetic. It was a game she liked to play when she was alone, which she seldom was anymore since Michael came into her life. She smiled at the thought of him, with his dark hair and bright eyes and soft lips. She couldn�t wait to spend her life with him.
30 minutes later, her father came charging through the Italian restaurant and over to her table. She instantly felt like throwing up her red wine all over the nice linen tablecloth. Was she going to be able to tell him her news? She wasn�t so sure once he arrived, settled into the booth and folded his napkin in his lap.
�Hi, Daddy,� she said, trying her best attempt at a smile.
�Hi, dear. So, what�s up?�
�What do you mean? I wanted to have dinner with-�
�Come on; tell me what�s on your mind. I know it isn�t because you wanted to eat salad and lasagna with your father.�
Damn, she hated when he was right. She couldn�t keep anything from him, and that was one thing that always irritated her.
While her father answered an important call on his cell phone, she ordered more red wine and tried to think of how to tell him she didn�t need him anymore. She never thought she�d be able to tell him, but she had to. She wasn�t the only person involved anymore.
When he got off the phone, before he could say anything, she interrupted him.
�Dad, I�m in love.�
The announcement hung in the air, while both of them pondered how permanent it was. It was a declaration, a statement, something neither of them had been prepared to say or to hear.
�Well, that�s good to hear,� he said carefully.
�Dad�I have something to tell you.�
He stopped buttering his warm piece of garlic bread and stared at her angrily.
�Are you pregnant, Charlotte Anne Hawthorne?�
She laughed in spite of herself.
�No, Dad. I�m not.�
He visibly relaxed.
�Well, what is it? Oh, and have you gotten started on that family tree yet? I gave it to you because you�re the only-�
�Dad, I�m not doing the family tree. I�m not going to be able to come over for dinner on Sunday nights anymore. I can�t pick up Jack from doggy day care anymore. Michael, that�s my boyfriend�we�re moving. We�re moving to South Africa.�
Her father looked at her blankly. His expression would have been the same if she told him she was having Bill Clinton�s 2-headed alien baby.
�I can see that you�re shocked, but Daddy, I�m in love. I know I�ve said that before, but this time it�s different. He�s completely in love with me and shows it, Dad! We don�t have any of that dating bullshit-I mean, um, none of that dating runaround where I�m always wondering if he�s going to call me or ask me out again. We�re in love. We want to get married.�
Her dad managed to at least look like he understood.
�And why are you moving to South Africa, of all places?�
�He found a job in Johannesburg. He�s a photographer, isn�t that exciting?�
�Oh, yeah, wonderful. And what are you going to be doing? And how is he going-�
�Dad, please. Please listen to me, because I know you�re going to have problems with this. I�ve never done anything adventurous, I�ve never followed my heart, because I�ve always done what you wanted me to do.�
The waiter came by and took their orders nervously, not wanting to interrupt the obviously important conversation. Charlie ordered chicken fettuccine alfredo, which she knew she was not going to be able to eat. Her dad barked out a complicated order for something related to calamari.
When the waiter sprinted away from their table, her dad took a sip of his obligatory Jack Daniels, and said, �Don�t be ridiculous, Charlie. You�ve had a wonderful life. You graduated from college, and you have a very good job.�
Charlie thought of her unsatisfying and boring career as a high school math teacher and shook her head.
�That�s not what I want to do with my life, Dad. I feel like I settled because you wouldn�t let me explore other options. Ever since I was born, it�s always been �Make good grades, graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a good job.� I did that, Dad, and I feel like I�m missing out. I feel like I need to explore, to take chances, to move on with my life.�
He was quiet for a minute.
�What about the car I paid for? What about the money I give you?� He went on and on, saying how irresponsible and impossibly spoiled she was. When he took a bite of his calamari, she spoke up.
�Thank you for everything. You know I appreciate all the opportunities you�ve given me. But it�s time I made a name for myself. I can�t ride on your coattails for the rest of my life, can�t you see that? Michael and I are in love. We�re going to support each other.�
He shook his head and took a big gulp of his drink, but she could tell he was getting her point. Charlie knew this was hard for him. If he didn�t have someone to support, he felt empty. She didn�t want that, but she didn�t want him to have control over her anymore, either.
�Does he have a tattoo?� He grumbled. She grinned.
�Of course he does. Would I have it any other way?� Her father was always disappointed when she brought home yet another boy with a tattoo. It was one of her weaknesses. She again smiled to herself when she thought about Michael�s new tattoo of her initials on his arm.
�I don�t approve of this, Charlotte. I don�t think you�ve thought this through enough. But I appreciate the fact you want to strike out on your own, and I�m proud of you. It�s about time. We all have to do it at some point, and if this is your time, well, take it. Don�t be disappointed when it doesn�t turn out the way you want it to.�
That�s all she wanted to hear from him. If he couldn�t approve, if he couldn�t support the idea, at least he understood. She sighed, relieved she had underestimated her father her whole life.