Poor Leo! And other assorted things.

April 09, 2006

Wow...what is a shitty thing to do when you're eating ice cream because you have the worst cramps ever due to that which is Mother Nature? Watch the West Wing and see what happens when Leo dies. Poor Leo. Poor John Spencer. All these damn dead people!

Speaking of which, it seems as though my grandmother is really close to dying. She's 85 and has been pretty ill for a long time, but she's always had it in her to stick around. But my mom thinks that's over and she's ready to go now. That sucks. I mean, I love her and it sucks for me that I'm about to lose my last living grandparent. But it sucks even more hardcore for my mom because that's her mommy. I hate to see my mom being sad because she's just such an awesome lady. Poo.

In completely different news, why do I have to be so god awful horny when I'm having my period? Rawr! Josh was so completely wonderful this weekend, really taking care of me and my crampy body. He was so sweet and loving and it was weekends like this that make me wonder how I could ever live without him. And that is what SUCKS about this relationship. The last entry I wrote in here was about how I was thinking about breaking up with him because of our stupid fights. It's the high highs and the low lows yet again, and it's annoying, and I wish there was more stability. But we've never had that between the two of us, not since we first met 10 years ago. So...maybe I just have to figure out how to ride the waves. I want to. Because he's awesome.

Not only is he awesome, he's so fucking sexy I just can't stand it sometimes. I know I've said that 100 times but seriously, my boyfriend? Rawr! Gorgeous. And we're still having the crazy sex as much as 2 people possibly can. And I can dig that.

As for me, I am not feeling sexy in any kind of way lately. I just keep eating and putting as much in my mouth as I possibly can. I didn't used to be like this. It scares me as to how much I can possibly eat at one time.

My newest weight loss solution? I finally bought a microwave today! I had one in Austin but when I moved back to Dallas my roommate had one so I got rid of mine. I haven't had one since I moved here last May. But now I can have a sandwich or what not for lunch and then come home and have a weight watchers dinner or something. I think it will be good. I think I will make it work for me. Or maybe I'll just be fat forever and rock on with that.

Work sucks. It just really kinda does. I still like the people and I still like the basic concept, but one thing that is sucking the life out of all of us: OUTSOURCING! I am really growing to hate our Indian colleagues. I'm sure they're nice people and everything, but why can't they just type out a good transcript? We're doing so much extra work because of these people and it's making work suck. But...whatever.

Oh, and also? I haven't been to church in 2 months. I'm going tomorrow night because I'm on the leadership board of that group I was in last year. I don't know if I want to be on this board, but I was asked to be and I kinda like that. So I'm going. But nobody, not one of my church friends and ESPECIALLY not Church Boy have called and asked about my whereabouts. That hurts my feelings a little bit. I spent a good year with these people and they don't give a shit. Fine, I quit. I tried it for a while and as hard as I tried, I never got what I was looking for. Screw 'em.

I'm gonna go curse being a "woman" and eat some chocolate peanut butter ice cream and read US Magazine. I miss Josh.

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2
"I just wanted to record this for posterity: I suck at gambling, and I really shouldn't do it anymore."

3
"I dunno. I can't keep holding on to the illusion, the fantasy, that he wants me back. Because he just doesn't. He won't say "No! Get over me! I don't want you!" And that's annoying. But I mean, that's what he's basically saying anyway, right?"

4
"Well, I have news for you! The summer sucks! The summer can KISS MY BIG ASS, DAMNIT! It doesn't rain and its 105 degrees for 3 months and THATS NOT FUN! I'd appreciate THE LEAST AMOUNT OF SUN POSSIBLE! Thank you and have a nice day."