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April 05, 2006

Wow, I totally haven't written an entry in a week! That is strange for me, as we all know.

It's not that I haven't had anything to say, I've just been in a really bad mood this week, I guess. The job is getting on my nerves hardcore, and mostly because of this FUCKING STUPID math class we're having to caption. I mean, I don't have to caption, I really just have to time it, but the thing is that we have people transcribing stuff in India, right? And these Indians...just don't know much. Let's just put it that way.

But the point is, I'm captioning math in some capacity. I failed math 1,000 times in my lifetime and when I finished with statistics in my final semester of college, I thought it was over and now it's not. It's coming back to haunt me. And it's really slowly draining my lifeforce away, not to mention my soul and my heart.

And, there's Josh. My boyfriend is really just gettin' on my nerves. And the sad thing about this right now is that I know it's possible that he can read this and I just wrote 3 paragraphs based on that fact and then deleted them based on that fact. I don't even know what to say anymore.

The thing is...I'm not happy right now. When things are good, I'm happy. But there's been a lot of times in the past week where I've really thought about ending it and just being done with the whole thing. We tried it once 9 years ago, it didn't work out. Well, okay, we're adults now, let's try it again. Maybe it's not working this time. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe we're just too stubborn, or maybe we're just not the right people for each other. I'm just not feeling so secure with the relationship right now.

We got in a bit of fight today and he instantly felt bad and was really sweet about trying to apologize for it. But the apology pretty much meant nothing to me because we had the fight in the first damn place. If we didn't do that, he wouldn't have had to apologize.

I don't know. I don't really know what I want. I'm kinda just hoping it'll take care of itself. Naive, huh?

In other news, I've become completely obsessed with Northern Exposure. It's good. I love it.

Anyway. I guess I have to return to the crap that is my job right now. Only 2 more hours to go!