Piano bars and failed love lives

November 07, 2005

An exchange from my life today:

Me: So, what did you do this weekend?
M: Blah blah blah, went to this piano bar, heard Bon Jovi, thought of you!
Me: (thinking "Wow, he's thinking about me!") Oh yeah? Who did you go with?
M: (in what seemed like slow motion) My...girl...friend!

Well, of course the guy has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't he? He's hot, he's gainfully employed, he's smart and funny and just generally a functioning member of society. Plus, I always had the feeling he had a girlfriend anyway. Plus, we work so close together and it wouldn't be a good idea at all for something to happen anyway.

Still, this one little fact bummed me out for the rest of the day. It's not just him, it's every single guy on the planet. It's every guy that sends me the Vibes and then turns out to have a girlfriend or, as people like to say these days, "is just not that into me." It's every guy that is, in fact, into me, but decides he's just going to move to Phoenix instead.

How do people get into relationships, exactly? It's been so long since I've gotten myself into one that I've totally forgotten how. It's so fucking frustrating, this being single crap.

If I learned one thing from this one single incident that is just the icing on the cake of my love life this year, it's that I have to stop with the crushes. The crushes are such my downfall. There's never REALLY been a time in my life when an obsessive crush worked out, unless we're counting Ryan, but we can't count him because he was my gift from the universe. But I digress.

I'm just tired of it. I want love too, and I don't understand how that's the one thing I want more than anything and it never seems to work out for me. Can it really be this hard? I'm starting to wonder.

As a sidenote, I decided that it was necessary to tell C, my fun older co-worker, that I had a good weekend but "M just told me he had a girlfriend and now I'm heartbroken and I don't know what I'm going to do!" while, you know, he was sitting RIGHT THERE in his little cubicle. He had his headphones on but I'm sure he heard me. I don't know why I felt obligated to say that, but I did.

He didn't say a word until after lunch and I was worried he was going back into the little shell that we've all worked so hard to get him out of, but then he loosened up and once even referred to me as "The Goddess." One of my supervisors likes to call me the captioning goddess because I'm just that good.

Anyway, good boy times. This weekend's retreat is heavily on my mind, and I just can't wait for a whole weekend of Church Boy. I know I'll probably be disappointed, but if anything, we can at least become better friends. I'm excited. 48 hours of Church Boy! *drool*

In other news, Nano is not going well. I'm still behind and I actually kind of hate my story. I don't know what it is about me and my main characters in all my stories, but I never like them! They're always slutty and seem to be deprived of morals and they never have redeeming qualities or hobbies or anything slightly relatable at all. Why do I hate my main characters so much? It is a good question, my friends. A good question indeed.

I have been on Classmates.com for a while, and yesterday I got an email from a high school friend who saw me and wanted to say hi. I got excited about that because I haven't talked to her in about 6 or 7 years. The thing about this friend was that I knew, once high school ended, we would probably never ever talk again in our lives. I was right! Until now!

Another thing I remember about this friend was that she hated the shit out of Matt, who I started dating my senior year in high school. Man, she hated him.

I had a really good workout tonight...30 minutes on the elliptical, 45 minutes of working the arms, 15 minutes on the bike, and 200 sit ups. I didn't eat a whole lot today so I feel good about that, too. This weight will be lost, it's just a matter of time, oh yes.

Anyway, it is clearly my bed time. I just wanted to give an update on my horrible love life because that's what I do. And aren't you glad?

Pphphht.