Over one guy, totally screwing up another.

January 22, 2005

Remember when Angela woke up one morning and decided that she was totally over Jordan Catalano, and then she did a little dance all around her room?

There comes a time in every girl's life when she finally realizes that she is over her ex-boyfriend. I've kinda thought that was the case for the last month or so, but tonight I really figured it out for sure.

Okay, so I went to a birthday party for a church chick at this fun little place in Dallas. I thought I might not enjoy it all, but I ended up playing pool with total strangers and actually having a lot of fun.

The second I knew I was completely over Matt was when there was two Billy Joel songs in a row played on the jukebox, Piano Man and that Bosom Buddies song. You know.. maybe two months or so ago that would have made me weak. I might have possibly called him and pleaded with him to let me come over or something, or I would have come home and talked to him online about how much I missed him.

But.. instead I drank some Shiner, played some pool, and even won a game. I took solace in the fact that even if he wanted me back right now, even if he somehow found it inside himself to want to suddenly comitt to me.. I wouldn't want to go there. I think I can finally safely say that, and that is just a really important statement to make.

It's just so weird to have felt a certain way for SO VERY LONG and then all of a sudden, feel a completely different way. I don't know if I woke up one day and decided to get over him. I don't know what happened.. maybe I'm just growing up. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it. I appreciate it. It's just.. a really good thing.

However.. I wasn't completely happy tonight. The New Boy? Yeah.. not so much with him. The short story is that I didn't call him at all yesterday because I was instructed by many females not to. He called me at 10:30 last night and left a message that said something to the effect of, "So, what, you wait for other people to call you instead of you calling them? I'm trying to figure you out." I didn't call him back, because for some reason I thought it would be a fantastic idea to go to the farm on a whim last night, and me and Donna got totally shitfaced on red wine. Donna took my phone away so I wouldn't do any drunk dialing, so I didn't get his message until this morning.

So.. I've called him twice today, and he hasn't called back. I don't know if he's genuinly busy or he's trying to punish me or something, but whatever it is, it's driving me fucking crazy. I've never hated my phone so much in my whole life. I just stare at it and will it to ring, and it's just not, and it's making me crazy! Is it possible that I screwed this up before it even really started? If he breaks this off before I even get to kiss him, I'm really going to be mad.

The thing is.. he doesn't seem to play by normal guy rules. He thinks its weird when I don't call him. He wants me to make the plans. And stuff.

Another thing.. he's trying to "figure me out"? Well, I hope when he does, he can share that info with me. I'm basically learning as I go along here! I really have no idea what I'm doing, and while that was cute and mildly endearing for a while, now I guess it's just annoying. WHY ISN'T HE CALLING ME?!

Basically? I think Sex and the City has corrupted a whole generation of females out there. If it weren't for that show, I would have abandoned all rules and just played by what felt right, which seems to be what he's doing.

What I really need to do is stop listening to other people's advice. Or.. just stop telling everyone all my business. That too.

Whatever. There's a thousand words I can say about what's going on inside my head right now, but all I really want to do is call him and say "I'm sorry! Whatever I did, just disregard! I'm an idiot!" But.. I've called him twice today and I do at least want to keep SOME pride.

I like him a lot. He's a good guy.. I know he's one of those guys who takes responsibility for his actions and who has had to work for everything he's made for himself. I want to explore this with him!

GRAWR! Fuck.

In other news, if you happened to see the fun drunk entry I wrote last night that was up here for about 8 hours.. I hope you enjoyed it. That was my gift to you for reading. I deleted it because it was completely useless and somewhat retarded.

I'm tired. And I'm sad about this new boy situation. But I'm happy about the Matt situation! Yay.

Happy anniversary to me and Dallas. One year! Yay.

*****

2 years ago..
"I know I should just say "Look, I can't talk to you for a while, it hurts both of us too much," but that would just be too smart. It's easy to talk to him. It's nice to talk to him, even if it did have me crying in the fetal position on my sofa in my pajamas at 5:00 today. That "Oh my god I'm going to throw up and/or choke on my tears" kind of crying that everyone loves so much."