Why am I watching Everybody Loves Raymond?

May 16, 2005

Stuff:

- Today I really felt like I needed to have a cheeseburger for lunch. I visualized myself going to Whataburger and getting me a cheeseburger. But then I remembered that I'm doing so good and I'm losing weight and I have to meet me a man soon, so instead I just had my Healthy Choice Chicken ala Crap, and everyone was happy.

That was good. Something has obviously clicked in my mind that hasn't been willing or able to do so before. I also worked out both days this weekend and I'm about to go again in 20 minutes. We'll see if we can continue this pattern for more than just 3 weeks, but I really think I can this time. I just.. do.

And sometimes, when I'm REALLY tempted to eat my body weight in pizza, I think about seeing Matt again at some point, and how proud I'll be to be 14 kinds of hot. I know he will have lost a lot of weight too, but still. I'll be hot.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

- I hate packing, and I'm procrastinating doing it with everything in my body, but I'm moving in less than 2 weeks, so I can't really do that.

I hate packing.

But in good moving news, my mom and I went furniture shopping on Saturday, and I scored some awesome stuff. I have a coffee table now! It's cool!

I'm so excited! WHEEEE!

- For some reason, I have not been able to stop fantasizing about a certain bank employee named Mike. I know how extremely doofus-like that is, as we haven't talked for 2 months and he's kind of an asshole and we only had one make-out session, for fuck's sake, but damn... that kiss! *drool* You want to know something sad? I've actually lost sleep from time to time because I can't stop thinking about that fucking kiss. What the hell is that?

I'm not going to call him. I just told my ex-boss to please tell him that I said hi or something the next time she goes to the bank, just so he'll be forced to think about me for at least 5 seconds. Sad, yes. Passive agressive, yes. Unlike me? No.

- Also unlike me, I want to marry Church Boy. I saw him yesterday, we had some small talk, yada yada. He was wearing jeans. It's just so unfair for him to wear jeans! I mean, come on!

- Ooh, I just saw the preview for the CSI season finale! DON'T KILL NICK OFF! That is gonna be some good TV, right there.

- It's a nice feeling, this whole finally growing up and acting almost somewhat like a 25 year old. I enjoy it.

- Officially 2 weeks since the last time I talked to Matt. Weird, but good.

That is all.

*****

a year ago...
"8. How to watch porn when your roomate and her boyfriend is in the very next room: very carefully."

2 years...
"And I just can't stand that. I can't stand not to share in his happiness, and I can't stand the fact that he will be so goddamn happy without me."

3 years ago...
"It just bothers me. A WHOLE LOT. Because if he is convienently forgetting to tell me these things, I inevitably start to think about what else he isn't telling me."