Nip/tuck obsessions, boys again, and Eminem

February 09, 2005

Reasons why you're jealous of my job:

a. Did YOU get to watch 3 episodes of Nip/Tuck at your job today? Did YOU get to caption about 3 minutes of Doogie Houser, MD, starring a very young Thora Birch?

b. No dress code = good times.

c. It's a cool job, damnit.

Reasons why you're not jealous of my job:

a. It's as confusing as fuck. We had a staff meeting today, and there was a handout and everything, but it was like they were speaking Alien. I had NO IDEA what the hell they were saying!

I mean, I know I'm being hard on myself - it is the first day of training and everything. But this is hard! I want my mommy.

b. I'm now totally addicted to Nip/Tuck. Christian? Hot. So very hot. Everyone else at work is totally addicted, and we all sit around and talk about various plots instead of actually working.

c. It's only 10:16 and I'm already up past my bedtime.

But hey! Closed captioning. Rock on.

In other news, I'm totally and completely captivated and addicted to the song "Mockingbird" by Eminem. It's greatness.

In boy that I wasn't going to talk about but I'm talking about him anyway news, I texted him last night out of a moment of weakness. He was really quite uninterested in any of my small talk. He said he had a bad day. So today I sent him another text that said "I hope you're having a better day today!" What was his response? It was simply:

Thanks

No period, no exclamation point. There was no possible way he could be any less interested.

And god, I know it was just a few weeks, and I know it wasn't the romance of the century. But he was the first guy after Matt, and there was so much promise, and I was so very and completely attracted to him. It just hurts that he won't give me the chance to explain myself, nor does he have any urge to do so. And now that I'm not seeing him at the bank anymore, it's like.. he's just not in my life anymore. There's no reason for him to be. It's like he never really existed.

I'm not taking this well, and I'm really letting it affect me A LOT more than it should. But I have the feeling that unless I initiate contact, I will NEVER hear from him again. He just seems like that kind of guy.

It sucks, but.. whatever. I'll chalk it up to experience and move on, I know I will. Right now it just sucks. Bah.

Right now, it's all about Church Boy. He's my next target. He'll need a lot of work, but I think I'm up for it. I dig him. And he will someday dig me. If he wasn't so extremely passionate about my life, then I would move on. But he is. So.. watch out, dude.

I'm also gaining weight due to my inability to stop eating so much god awful shit. This needs to stop or else my goal of wearing shorts this summer will not happen. And that will be bad.

I need to go to bed now. I will probably dream about Nip/Tuck, which is really quite disturbing.

I'm out like a whore in church.

******

a year ago...
"You know why? I just have to. The reality is that I have to find me a man someday. I have one hanging around, but he's not looking towards the future. I don't feel safe in our future. I'm not sure if I want our future to be safe. And as its going right now, I sure don't want to show up on a first date looking the way I do right now. I wouldn't feel comfortable. I wouldn't feel sexy."

3 years...
"I hate that he has a girlfriend, as you might have noticed. It shakes me to my inner core, it makes me question everything that I've ever done, everything I believe in. And when I do think about talking to him, I just think to myself "He has a girlfriend. He has a fucking girlfriend." And then I get over it."