If tomorrow never comes...

February 10, 2005

So, tonight.

Tonight was interesting. I got home around 5:45, and I decided that it was a good time to take a pity nap. You know.. when you're feeling sorry for yourself and just want to sleep it off. I mean.. I did really well at work today. I'm getting the hang of what we're doing, and I think I'm going to be good at it. I got to watch one scene from Perfect Strangers over and over and over for like, 3 hours, but that's okay. If there's one thing I know about this job, it's that there will lots of repetition. And that's cool. I'm a repetitive kind of girl. On my breaks, I watch old episodes of Nip/Tuck. It's an addiction now. I just can't help it.

So the job situation is good, but my boy situation was just giving me tired head. Which is why I totally freaked out when I got a text message from Mike, the special bank guy, around 6:30 tonight.

To make the long story short (too late!), he apparently JUST got the message I sent him a WEEK ago, the one that said "Is there anything I can do to make you not hate me so much?" and was intruiged by it.

So, this is why I found myself taking him and his best friend in my stupid car to a mexican restaurant in Dallas. His best friends loves me, dude. But that's because I totally and completely let my freak flag fly. His friend asked me a question, and I answered it straight out. That's why Mike now knows that yes, I have kissed a chick before. And that is also why he knows that I am a fan of the handcuffs. Good to know.. that's all I'm saying.

It was really awesome to be myself and have these guys appreciate that. I know that Church Boy digs the finer things about me, like my artisticness and stuff like that, but if he knew the things these boys now know about me, I don't think he'd even ever talk to me again.

Fucking shit, guys. I am so fucking attracted to Mike, I can't fucking stand it! I did find out tonight that he smokes, which for some reason I didn't know about him.

I broke out the iPod because we had kind of a long drive, and what I loved about him was that he knew every song that came on AND he sang the crap out them. Including:

Closer, Nine Inch Nails
5000 Miles, The Proclaimers
Janie's Got a Gun, Aerosmith (bonus points for that one, totally)
If Tomorrow Never Comes, Garth Brooks

For some reason, I really dug that.

I also dug the fuck out of the little kiss I got at the end of the night. Damnit. Damnit damnit!

So, I think we can put the psycho-ness in the past and move on. I mean.. yes, I do hate that the fucker just disappeared for a week or two, but he's back, dude. He called me.. he wanted to see me.. and he introduced me to his best friend. So, hah.

Maybe we can actually make this work. I hope so, because fuck.. I want me some of him. I've been a good girl for the past 7 years of my life, and I'm ready to be bad for a little while. I mean, not too bad! I don't want to fuck my job up! But just bad enough to really make a difference.

I am happy. I'm sooo going to hate waking up at 5:50 tomorrow, but I'm happy.

*****

2 years..
"I'm hurting so much.. I'm so fucking depressed and I don't know how to get over it. I don't know what to do. I can't fucking stop crying, I love him so much. I miss him so much."