I feel so...NAKED!

April 21, 2006

I swear to you, my soul has just died a little. I just captioned a music video for Every Rose Has Its Thorn. By Poison? No. By a country singer. A country version of one of the greatest heavy metal ballads ever. Remember the video where Bret Michaels collapses onstage and his roadies have to carry him off? It's now a country song, and that is sad.

*wipes a tear away*

Also, I'm completely addicted to this website. Seriously. It's an addiction and I don't even know why. Maybe it's the inner voyuer in me. Good times.

In other news, it's coming up on 5 years that I've had this here online diary. I started out as Mymichele, a dumb 21-year-old college chick that didn't know anything about anything. I then moved on to Austinliz, a 23-year-old college graduate fresh out of a relationship, in a new city known as Austin. And now here I am, 26 years old, and I am facing a new challenge...what the hell do I write here when everyone and their fucking mom reads this now?

I was anonymous for a while, until I sent Ali-Kat the link to my "erotic stories" and forgot that I had to the link to my diary on there. She found it, no big deal, she's my best friend and I tell her everything anyway.

After that, I managed to keep this to myself, have a place to air my grievances in a public forum where people I didn't know could comment. Then the years passed by and recently it was revealed that not only had Matt read my stuff, but his girlfriend had some kind of weird obsession with it for a while. And now, Josh has decided to read it as well. And now I feel...ooky.

I guess I feel weird about it because for one thing, I never realized how much of an asshole I am. I admit, I am kind of an asshole. I look up former boyfriends on myspace when I already have a boyfriend. Yeah, I have an ex-boyfriend thing. It's weird. But yeah, things like that. I suck sometimes. Okay, yeah, I can see that.

I've never REALLY been in a situation where I've had things in this diary be used against me in an arguement and it kinda sucks. It kinda makes me rethink this diary thing. It makes me rethink having everything that's ever happened to me in the last 5 years up on the internet for everyone who owns a computer to see. And I also realize that I could be better about telling my boyfriend things so he won't be shocked about it when he sees it in my diary. I get that. It's all good.

But I like this place. I like the people. I like making fun pop culture comments. And I like looking back on my life and seeing how I've changed and moved on. So I'm obviously not going to give up on this thing. I just feel a little...violated. A little weird. A little...unsettled. I'm not familiar with this feeling. I don't know how to write now when everyone's watching me. But I'll get over it.

Meanwhile, I do love my boyfriend and I will see him later and I think we're going to buy a mop and engage in cleaning my apartment! I can't think of anything more exciting.

Also, last night when I was cleaning my apartment I watched me some Peggy Sue Got Married. I forgot how much that movie rocks. Doesn't it rock? I think it rocks.

That is all.