Motley Crue rocks your ass.

April 16, 2005

Holy motherfuck of shit! I spent AN HOUR writing an entry, and then things got weird and it went away and now it's gone into that void where all our lost entries go! DAMN THE VOID!

So, here's what I spent so long typing, only in a much shorter form.

My week was pretty decently interesting. On Monday, I had a surpringly pleasant visit to my dentist. I actually walked out with a smile on my face, happy to be alive in the world. I think it had something to do with the nurse asking me what I do for a living, and my reply not being "Oh, I just work for my dad until I can find something better." And is now instead, "I do closed captioning!"

Chances are, nobody that person has even known in their lives has ever done closed captioning for a living. So they are instantly fascinated, thus making me feel all cool and special.

Tuesday was spent going to Matt's house and having one of the most passionate sessions of nookie ever in our 7 and a half years... which is why I found myself at Planned Parenthood getting the Morning After Pill on Wednesday. It's all fun and games until the "virgin" gets curious, you know what I mean? I know you do.

On Wednesday, I spent a good 2 hours cleaning out my car. It was not pretty, let me tell you. I think I might have contracted some kind of disease from it all. But the end will be worth it, as I am getting a new car in the not to distant future. And it will be good.

I also accompanied my dad out to dinner on Wednesday, really embarrasingly as I looked like total shit after cleaning out my car. I hope he gets a girlfriend soon, people. We are spending a lot more time together recently and that's good, but he's having long conversations with Alf the Puppy and is just being weird in general. We shall see, I suppose.

Work is good, although I did Family Feud after Family Feud all week long, and I have grown some mighty big hatred for this show. But I'm getting more experienced and all that, so good. I still can't seem to get used to waking up at 5:45, though.

My diet hasn't been going well, no big shocker there. Here's a list, to remind myself, of just a few of the many reasons why I need to suck it up and get it the hell done: trip to Vegas in July, I need me a baby daddy eventually, my health, my PCOS, my well being, clothes will fit better, wearing shorts and tank tops, not having to shop at Lane Bryant, having people actual look at me every now and then, climbing the stairs without wanting to die, etc. Yeah. There's a lot of reasons.

In my entry that got sent into the void, I went into Matt-land quite a bit. I just want to say this: today he had his lap band surgery, and I haven't heard from him because he got it in Mexico (I know what you're thinking, but he's a big boy and he wouldn't do anything without knowing every risk involved) and his cell phone doesn't work there and it's making me all wiggly. I miss him.

There's a time in every girl's life when she realizes that the boy she thought she was over? She's not over him, nor is she even really close to being over him. I've come to the conclusion that there just is no getting over Matt. He's his own entity. He's my rock, my comfort zone, my tower. He's a constant in my life, and I am fine with that.

When I was driving to his house on Tuesday, it occured to me that I've known him for 7 and half years now. And not a day has gone by in those 7 and a half years where I haven't thought of him, fondly or not so fondly. I love him, with all my spirit and soul, and with every fiber of my being I hope we eventually end up together. I want that. I want him to be in my life forever.

I know it sounded nice when I was with Mike and spouted off "I'm over him! I'm moving on!" It sounded nice, but it's not realistic. Matt is.. Matt. And he's in my life, and always will be. I know someday, maybe even quite soon, he might find someone else. And I will be happy for him, because I want him to be happy. But I still hope that we will end up together.

I already said that. It's late. I'm repeating myself.

Quick hits:
- I'm going to the car show tomorrow! YAY!
- I'm going to the horseraces Sunday! Yay!
- I saw Hostage today. It was quite disturbing, actually. But man does Bruce Willis make a black t-shirt and blue jeans look NICE.
- I bought a GN'R poster at Hot Topik today because I was sucked into their store by hearing "Don't Cry" when I was walking by.
- Roommate harmony is almost completely back on track.
- Things I've bought in the last 24 hours: 6 magazines, Play by Moby, Red White and Crue by Motley Crue (LOVE the song "If I Die Tomorrow"), 2 shirts and some boxers at Old Navy, gas and a car wash, a hotel in Austin next weekend, peanut butter M&M's, some new cheap shoes.

You think this entry is long? You should have seen the last one.

I'm out like a cheap whore in church.

Good night!