Church Boy, roommate harmony, and getting some.

April 10, 2005

I should obviously be asleep right now, but I made a great decision of taking a 2 and a half hour nap today, so great times.

I was thinking about something when I brushed my teeth (for extra long - I'm unfortunately going to the dentist tomorrow). For some reason, I always want people to know what I think of them, how they affected me and my life, what their place is. I've been that way forever. It still bugs me that I've never told Ryan how I really feel, that I think he was actually, like, a guardian angel for me in some of my worst times.

I want my roommate to know that I really don't like the unharmonius times we seem to be going through at the moment. I want Ali-Kat to know how I'm so glad we're such good friends, even if we don't necessarily talk to each other all the time. I want certain humans that work at certain financial institutions to know how it still really irritates me how they handled certain situations. I almost called this person last week just to confront him about that, but somehow I managed to contain myself.

I bring this up today because it is Sunday and thus the only person I am capable about thinking about is a guy I like to call Church Boy. The second he came into the classroom for Sunday School this morning, my heart went all nuts again. I don't think about him all that much when I don't see him, but when I do see him... it all comes back to me.

Today we were prayer partners and we had this really good conversation about stuff that was on our minds. We have always had a good rapport, but the thing is.. he is the kind of guy that has that kind of rapport with everyone he meets. He is, undoubtedbly, "a good catch." The only "good catch" that I have ever fallen for, in fact. I take one look at him and for some reason, I just want to marry the guy. I know that it would probably be a good thing to go on a couple of dates first, but in my mind, I don't need to date him to know that I just want to go ahead and marry him.

That bit of psychoness aside, I have this urge to tell him what he means in the scheme of things in my life. When he came in my life in October of last year, I was STILL trying to get over Matt. I was in a rut, working for my dad, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. But when I joined this church group that he was the leader of, things started to change. Especially when I realized that he wasn't married and instead of being 10 years older than me, he was in fact a few months younger than me.

There was a month or two last year when I really felt a vibe between us, and while that never amounted to anything, when he NEVER called me like he almost promised he would, it was something. It was new, it was different, and it launched me into a whole other era of my life. It made me realize that while I did still love Matt, I didn't have to depend on him for my happiness anymore. There are other guys out there who want to get to know me, and while I've had difficulty trying to date these guys, at least it's out there, and at least I know I have the ability to vibe with someone else.

I just want Church Boy to know that he changed my life in a very important way, because I really don't think he knows that. I also think that there's now a weird vibe between us that I really don't like all that much. There's the vibe that he knows I used to dig him, and he also knows that he never called me even when he wrote me an email to tell me that he would eventually call me.

It was the right place, wrong time. He was starting a new career and he's a Capricorn, so of course that's the most important part of his life right now. I still think we could have a lot of fun together. I think that if I ever got the weight thing under control, maybe he'll take another look. I know, whatever, blah blah, but he really takes an effort to look good and take care of himself, so I know that if I really want to capture his attention, I need to do the same. That's just the sad truth.

My point, and I did have one, is that he meant a lot to me at a certain point in my life, and I hope that he will again at another point in the not so distant future. I really like this guy, people, and I don't think it'll go away any time soon.

In completely different news, I am reading the book Sideways, and it's quite different from the movie, which bugs me. The movie is definitely better, by the way.

Also, I think my roommate and I did have a good harmonius chat when she got home tonight. I think our harmony is on the way to being restored. Our harmonius living situation has been out of wack for a few months now, but last week it really got bad because she sent me a text message at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday and interrupted me from my deep sleeping coma, which annoyed me to no end. When she called me later to see if I got the message, she was all, "Did you get my message?" And I was all, "Yes, but I didn't feel inclined to answer it at 7:30 in the morning," and then she got all huffy. It was even worse because she was going out of town for a week for work and I didn't get to see her and apologize.

That might not sound so bad, but that's seriousy the first time in a year and 3 months that I've ever talked that way to her, and it bothered me for 4 days. Seriously. 4 days.

This entry is way too long as I have to go to work and caption game shows all day and then go to the dentist tomorrow. It's 11:30! I have to wake up at 5:45~! Yet I still had to write about my roommate and church boy! D-land, you are such my downfall.

Plus, Matt is leaving on Wednesday for his stomach stapling surgery and we need to get it on before he leaves, but my period is here and won't seem to leave after 2 fucking weeks, and that annoys me to no end because when he gets back he can't do anything that involves any effort for like, 2 months! I need to get me some before that, people! It's going to be a long 2 months.

Have a lovely evening.