My life of crap.

March 16, 2005

Just in case you were wondering, I haven't abandoned my fellow d-landers or anything.

There is just absolutely nothing exciting happening in my life at the moment.

Stuff:

- Today, I probably know more about curling, the sport that's like hockey but not, than any of you. I captioned about 15 minutes of the captivating curling movie "Men With Brooms." Those wacky Canadians!

- I also did an episode of Sanford and Son. Is it wrong that I just love the hell out of that show? If it is, I don't want to be right.

- I used to dread leaving work at 3:30, because I had no idea what I would do with all that extra time. But now.. I really dig it. I can work out or take a nap (something I'm doing a lot more than usual lately) or whatever I want, man.

However, waking up at 5:45 still sucks.

- Consequently, I am doing well at work. I finally get it. But there's a shit ton of things I still need to learn, and that makes me nervous.

- If I was updating at a regular pace, you would be inudated with the following thought that is being repeated over and over in my brain, on a loop:

"I'm fat. I'm fat. I'm hungry. I should eat an apple. What about pizza? No, an apple. What about mexican food? No, grapes. I'm fat. I'm never going to attract another male in my life. Fat. Fat. Fat."

Yes. Seriously.

It's a phase. I'll get over it. But now... it's driving me crazy.

- I've watched all of Season 9 of Friends since Saturday. I heart Friends. I am also seriously fascinated by Courtney Cox in this season. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done and I'm seriously considering just bringing the DVD box in with me so I can show what I want.

- The boy situation.. is zero, really. Matt and I talk, as usual, on a near daily basis. We're flirty and it's fun and that's all it is.

- When I hadn't talked to Mike since last Tuesday, and when I heard this service at church on Sunday about forgiving people you have disagreements with (something about me thinking I'm better than the other person and therefore I don't have to take the first step because the other person is wrong.. it made sense at the time), I called him.

We had one of the most awkward and boring conversations of all time. I mean, this was almost as boring as the conversations I'd have with ex-boyfriend Adam in 10th grade, and that's saying A LOT, people. I reminded him that he wanted to be friends, and sometimes friends even talk more than once a week.

Our 2 minute conversation ended when he said he'd give me a call sometime this week. For some reason, I highly doubt that, since it's half way through the week and nothing. But.. that's okay. I seem to be in a very unsettling apathetic phase of my life, anyway. Plus, not talking to the guy in 2 weeks has really shown me that I am okay without him. It would be cooler if things were different, but.. whatever.

- And for the third guy, I am still completely fascinated by Church Boy. I know it probably won't ever happen.. but I just really wish it would. He's such an awesome guy, and I know that I wouldn't have to worry about the future if we ended up together. He's a stable guy, in all respects. But then again.. I might just be too much for him. Not "girl next door" enough.

- I don't have anything else to say, really.

I'm not abandoning you. I will be back at some point in our lives.

And as you can see by this entry, anyway, I am neither humorous, witty, nor really interesting in the slightest. So, you're not missing much, is what I'm trying to say.

*****

a year ago...
"I'm starting to think I'm heading for a career of mediocreness, and that really scares me. I don't know how to find a good job. And I still feel like my weird social retardation is starting to get in the way of ever really making myself happy and successful. Everyone around me seems to have figured out the secret, but I haven't, and I don't feel like I ever will."

2 years..
"There were a few times today when we really shared some intimate moments. Some moments that were so purely intimate and sacred, I just can't even begin to describe them. I know he felt it too, and I know it wasn't a friendly thing. There's still so much.. something between us, nothing, nothing at all has died."

3 years...
"I like to shop."