Going to the bank has never been so terrifying!

January 19, 2005

I've never been so extremely nervous and excited to go to a bank as I was today! Deposits have never been such an event as they are now, but.. that's okay.

So today I got to go to the bank for the first time in a week, and I was so fucking nervous I almost hurled before I went inside. I don't know why! I've been going to this bank for months now! I took great pride in my bank preparation today. The perfume is on, the bling is on (earrings, a watch, 2 rings, a necklace), the push-up bra is in place, the cleavage is out.. oh yeah, mama was trying to get her a new pair of shoes today.

Only.. Mike was busy when I got there, and I could have like.. gone to the bathroom and maybe come back when he wasn't busy, but.. I was all flustery and retarded. So I went to the other guy to get my deposit, and I was staring at Mike the whole time but he didn't see me cuz he was busy, and then when I was done with the deposit, I kinda walked over to him and kinda tapped my keys like "HELLO!" and he finally saw me and he was all, "Hi! How's it going!" And I was like, "Um, good, okay, see ya later!" And I hauled ass out of there.

It was definitely not the scene I had imagined in my head.. I felt a little like a dumbass. The whole thing was more awkward than I care to admit, but it was all good later when I sent him a text message that said "How are you?" and then he sent me one back that said two very important things:
a. He thought I looked nice today.
b. He found his Guns N Roses CD and was jamming to it on the way to work today.

I mean, first of all, awww! And second, the GN'R thing is awesome. It means that he wants to share something important with me, and you know what? I bet he thought about me the whole entire time he was "jamming" today.

Now, see, I can say that because it's probably true. I can say with about 95% confidence that this guy is really into me, because.. well.. all the signs are there.

In a very strange role reversal situation, I can say that I know how he feels about me but I don't think he really knows how I feel about him. I don't think he knows I get all flustered when I think about him for a great length of time. I don't think he knows that I've been talking about him incessantly for the past couple of months. I don't think he knows that I was planning on giving him my number eventually, but I didn't want to get him in trouble at work or anything. I don't think he knows that I kept the smarties he gave me 3 months or so ago because it now has sentimental value! I'm a dork.

And that's kind of a weird situation for me, because I want to hang out with him and be all make-outish and stuff, but I don't know if he knows that I want to, and I've been trying to let him know that I want to without coming off as desperate and thus giving him the upper hand in the situation. Because, I truly believe that right now I have the upper hand. How long that'll last, I have no idea. All I know is that he makes me feel squishy and I want more of that immediately.

For those of you who might be wondering, he looks a bit like Carlos on Desperate Housewives:

Yeah. I know.

Rawr!

In an effort to talk about something other than Mike...

I watched a little American Idol last night. It was really good stuff, and I'm kinda bummed that I probably won't get to watch a lot of it this year. Last year I had no life and watched a good chunk of it, but on most nights I'm working out and don't have time to stay home and watch the whole thing. Plus, my roommate is always TiVOing something or another and my VCR just does not record things. So.. I will have to sacrifice.

I just wonder if Scooter Girl is going to make it back! I heart Scooter Girl.

I would also like to note that I've lost like.. 10 pounds in the past couple of weeks, due to the "eat whatever I want for lunch and then eat nothing the rest of the day and then work out at night" diet, which is hardly impressive, but hey.. I look hot.

I have dog hair all over my clothes. I love PD to death, but he sure does shed like a mofo.

Ummm.. I wish I could add something else to this entry, but I'm full out of brain cells.

Rock on!

*****

2 years..
"I wish I could be mad at him. I wish I could have some kind of healthy anger towards him, because this missing him and wanting to be with him thing is getting old. I have a calender where I mark an X on everyday I don't talk to him and a red X on days that I do, and so far, the red X's are prevailing over the rest of them. It's just so.. annoying. It's been almost 3 months, and isn't that when it starts getting really pathetic to still be obsessing?

I hate that saying.. "It takes 2 weeks for every month you were together to get over him." Oh really? So I'm going to feel this way for the next 2 1/2 years? Wonderful."

3 years...
"We got Rolling Stone in the mail and there was this big article about the Guns N Roses concert, and it was a really good, positive review.

Is it wrong to get creamy over a review of a concert? If it is, I don't want to be right!"