Electrical currents shooting through my body, or: new boys!

January 17, 2005

I just spent $40 on eBay in about a 5 minute period of time. I bought the movie Frankenstein Unbound because I haven't seen in it in about 10 years and Michael Hutchence is in it. I also bought Decline of Western Civilization Part Two: The Metal Years, because I used to love that movie and it's just something I feel like I have to own.

I wrote an entry a little while ago, but it was stupid, so I deleted it. Basically.. I really don't have a lot to say because my brain power is being used up by one single thought: New.Boy. I'm like.. not capable of thinking about anything else at the moment, not even the tax stuff I'm supposed to be working on today at work.

Mike (isn't that a cute name?) is off today, like most normal humans, and he's helping a friend's grandmother move. Awww! So helpful. At one point, he sent me a text message to listen to one of the radio stations, so I put it on and "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi was on. I'm pretty sure he wanted me to listen merely because we were just talking about how he really enjoys him some Bon Jovi, but still.. interesting song to want me to listen to, right?

That also excited me because it means he's thinking about me on a Monday afternoon. Now, like, a Thursday night? Sure, because weekend plans and stuff. But thinking about me on a Monday afternoon? That's hardcore.

Merely thinking about this boy is sending little electrical shockwaves through my system. I can't wait for that first kiss to happen.. it makes me a little bit dirrty crazy to think about it.

And I know I keep bringing Matt up, but let me get this thought out.

For so long Matt was all I ever wanted, and I settled, and I didn't put myself out there, and that was fine for me. But I don't know.. something changed last year. I don't know if it was the whole Farm Guy situation or the Church Boy thing or what, but things changed. Maybe even just 6 months ago I would have been weird with the whole dating other people thing. Perhaps I wouldn't have even been ready to date other people. But now.. it barely even registers in my mind that once upon a time, Matt was the man for me.

I would have married Matt in a second if he would have asked me. In a fucking second. But he never did, and now I feel like I've moved on. Now, that's not to say, if he suddenly had a romantic bone implanted into his body via plastic surgery and maybe tried his best to get me back.. I don't know if I'd say no, to be honest. But that's not what I want. I don't want him right now. I want.. Mike. I want a brand new future.

One of the biggest things that I like about Mike is that he doesn't know my past issues and he won't unless I tell him (or if he finds this diary!). He doesn't know that I'm a fan of the porn, or that I once played Strip Truth or Dare with 2 of my best friends, or that I used to be terrified of getting my grades in high school because I didn't want my dad to see them, or that whole horrible depression that I went through a few years back.. he doesn't know any of that. He just knows who I am now, which is a somewhat confident, funny, passionate girl who comes to his bank every week because of my job.

When Matt met me, I was a snot nosed teenager who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. I didn't know shit about anything, and I think he wanted to teach me things. Well, he did. He always said he didn't want to let me go unless I was better than the way he found me, and guess what? I am. Mission accomplished. Now we can all move on.

Now, bring on the new boy. Bring on first kisses that make my knees week. Bring on the learning each other's boundaries (for instance, he likes to watch movies while talking on the phone. I find that to be rather pointless. Will we make it through?). Hell, even bring on his four year old daughter and the apparent party-girl ex-girlfriend. I can take it.

For shits and giggles, here is a letter I wrote on unsentletter for Matt last Valentine's Day. I'm just.. so glad that I have moved on from that whiny little victim I used to be.

I miss Mike. And I'm out.