Written while watching Crash on my once again functioning DVD player!

October 08, 2005

I'm not a big fan of my last entry because of work paranoia. Strange, yes, but here's another one.

So I passed by my high school tonight and saw lots of teenagers dressed in their wonderful formal gear. Awww, it's Homecoming! Homecoming 2005!

That sent me down memory lane 8 years, back to Homecoming 1997. Matt One and I had been dating for almost a month, and although that was definitely not his scene, he agreed to go to Homecoming with me. That night was by far in the top 5 of our best nights in our 5 years together. It was still new and raw and passionate and exciting. I was 18 years old. My mom was out of town, so I lied to the babysitter person and told her I was going to spend the night with some friends. Yeah, I didn't spend the night with friends.

This was a night of hardcore driving for us throughout the suburbs of Dallas. I'm not sure why, but before and after the dance, we drove miles and miles in my little Jetta. We were driving back to his place when the sun came up, and I just remember thinking, "Wow, how did this ever happen to me?"

Now...it's memories like that...you guys all know that this Matt One thing isn't tearing me apart or anything. I'm not crying about it, I don't really bother myself over it one way or the other anymore. But when I passed by and saw those kids in their nice formal outfits and remembered what I was doing 8 years ago, it just...made me wistful. And maybe a little sad. A little nostalgic. A little "unsettled" that we haven't talked in almost 6 months and he's totally okay with that, apparently.

Now, here's a totally unnecessary survey that I will do while watching Crash with director's commentary.

7 things that scare me:
- Spiders
- Scary movies, like The Ring. I'm a weenie and I'm not afraid to admit it.
- My mommy dying at some point.
- social interaction
- Never settling down with someone
- My dad and how much power he still has over my life.
- Change.

7 things that I like most:
- boys
- kissing
- writing
- being good at my job
- movies
- doggies
- family

7 important things in my room:
- I'm getting a new bed in a few days!
- Um, you know, pillows and stuff.
- My paper diary
- Clothes and stuff
- My ugly green dresser that I inherited from my grandmother
- My drawer of Stuff
- My caps from graduation, high school and college

7 random facts about me:
- I bought the wrong USB cord today and I'm sad about that
- I love Doc Martens
- I have no particular feelings about Tony Danza
- I'm thirsty and would like some bottled water
- I did 6 hours of overtime at work today. Yes, on a Saturday.
- My boss, the one who's play I saw last night, roundaboutly informed me that I am definitely being considered for a promotion in the near future. That is definitely something that is making me happy right now. Go see your boss's play, it'll pay off!
- My fingers smell like nail polish remover

7 things I plan to do before I die:
- Find true love
- Have me some babies
- PUBLISH a novel. I've written 3 of the damn things, but they weren't that great. I have to get it out there, you know?
- Travel out of the country somewhere other than freakin Mexico and Canada
- Feel good about my body
- Perhaps run a marathon?
- Figure out once and for all what I feel about religion

7 things I can do:
- Caption game shows like there's no tomorrow.
- Write stuff.
- Play viola (well, I used to...I got it out the other day and I couldn't even remember how to play Ode to Joy! For shame!)
- Read!
- Raise a puppy.
- Kick ass at Scrabble.
- Have an outrageously large amount of pointless pop culture knowledge in my brain.

7 things I can�t do:
- Fix my DVD player.
- Walk/run 2 miles under 30 minutes. (At least for now)
- Get over the notion that I will fall in love and someone will fall in love with me and it will be perfect and wonderful.
- I can't not believe that everyone is good and are good until proven otherwise.
- Not have crushes on guys everwhere I go.
- Resist a cute doggy.
- Wear a size 2, nor will I ever because...no. Not that I want to.

7 things I say the most:
- "Good times!"
- "Rock on."
- "I can do that."
- "That's not good."
- "Your mom!"
- "Fuck!"
- "Have a nice day."

Celebrity Crushes:
- Duh...Axl.
- Tom Hanks.
- Does Rob of Rob and Amber count as a celebrity?
- Phil Keoghan.
- Christian Slater (not so much anymore).
- River Phoenix, before he was like...dead and stuff.
- Billy Peterson, aka Gil Grissom.

Yay!

As an aside, since my old computer totally died and I managed to somehow erase all the songs from my iPod, here's a few of the songs I've downloaded over the past couple of days to start my collection all over again:

- Audioslave, Doesn't Remind Me
- Guns N Roses, Don't Cry, alternate version
- Amanda Perez, Angel
- Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On
- Guns N Roses, November Rain, live
- Saliva, Always
- Seal, Crazy
- Bon Jovi, Blaze of Glory.

Fun!

Damn, that scene in Crash where the Persian dude shoots the little girl and her dad just totally loses it? I've seen it 3 times now and it still gives me fucking goosebumps. Man, I love this movie.

*****
2 weeks before Matt broke up with me!
3
"I think I'm also creeping toward being depressed. I really don't want to get a job right out of college. I really hate being tied down in Texas. I love BB, and I want to have a family with him someday, but I really wish I could take a year and just go off by myself. Do some travelling or volunteering or something. But when I say things like that to him, he takes it personally. And I really can't blame him too much.. he's 24, he wants to start a family soon, and if I go do my own thing for a while, he's probably not going to wait."