Boys, vacations, and crap.

December 29, 2005

Hey, bitches. I haven't written in almost a week! That is so unlike me!

Things to know:
- I got the Sex and the City complete box set for Christmas, but I have to apparently share it with my stepmother. So the plan is to once again envelope myself in a SATC marathon. I'm on the second season now and still loving it, even though I've seen every episode 12 times or something. It's very comforting, SATC. I dig it.

- My dad gave me some extra money for Christmas. He wants me to get a Roth IRA. How boring is that? Today I paid off, totally and completely, the Discover Card bill that's been sitting around since college. Right now, I am basically starting 2006 with no debt whatsoever. That rocks my balls off, really.

- I also got 11 sessions of personal training, and I'm going to the first session tonight. The scale is not going to like me, I know this for sure. The past 2 weeks have been realllly bad. I have not denied myself of anything that anyone has put in front of me, and it's just not good. It's actually kind of freeing to eat whatever I want all the time, but my body is showing the effects of that, so yeah, not so much. Sorry, body! UPDATE! I found out I've only gained 5 pounds. Yeah, that's totally a lot, but at least it's not 10 pounds...right?

- I also got Sirius Satellite Radio. I wanted it just for Howard Stern and I haven't even really listened to him for years, but I can't stand the thought of not having him on my radio. Plus, Sirius has a whole station just for hair metal! WOOHOO!

- I am going on vacation, baby! I'm taking much needed days off from work next week and I'm going to Shreveport. It's not exactly the most exciting place to go, but I'll be at a nice hotel and I'll be gambling my ass off. I'm going by myself and I'm really looking forward to it. Yay semi vacations!

- I got my hair colored tonight and now it's really dark, like almost black. I love it lots.

- So as I tend to do every now and then, I put Matt One on my buddy list to see if he was online. He had an away message - "Gone to Vegas, back on January 18th." Um, why did that just spontaneously make me feel like someone stabbed me in the eyeball? I mean, aside from the fact that he's apparently on some kind of 3 week long road trip and I'm excited about spending 2 days in Shreveport? Oh, man. I hate that he can still affect me this way. Fucker.

- Uh, remember when I said I was almost in the middle of dating 2 people at the same time? Well, not so much. The first guy that I really actually liked and got along well with "mysteriously" stopped talking to me after I revealed that I had a few extra pounds on me. Whatever. The other guy...I'm a little sad about this one, actually. I kind of feel like a big giant asshole, really. We were talking before Josh came along and it was really nice and I enjoyed talking to him, but then he wanted to meet and kept bugging me about meeting and yesterday I finally told him that I was pretty much involved with someone and yeah, not so much with dating.

Instead of being all, "Oh, it's cool, let's still hang out," he's really kinda making me feel like an asshole. I never promised this guy anything and yet I feel like I owe him something. We never even talked about dating yet it seems like he's hurt that this happened. Argh. You can't fucking win with these guys, I swear.

- And then of course there is Josh. Things are okay at the moment. We're going to spend New Years together, which is a little weird, but good nonetheless. He's going to come over, I'm going to make fajitas, and we're going to watch the Mavericks game and assorted movies. I kinda can't wait.

The thing is, I'm kind of keeping him a mystery. You know me, if I like someone I want to tell everyone all about all the time. But today I revealed at lunch that I have "a gentleman friend", and when I was asked further, I just said I can't really talk about it. I don't even use his name or anything, I'm keeping it a secret or something. I haven't even mentioned him to my mom in almost 2 weeks and that's like...unheard of.

The thing is...I have fallen back in love with him. I know that sounds dramatic, and maybe it's not love, maybe it's total and complete lust. But always always in the back of my mind, I know we will not end up together. I keep secretly hoping he'll find the balls to break it off or he'll do something bad to screw it up. It's not just the past that's keeping me from believing that we will end up together, although that is a huge factor. It's also the fact that he's the biggest stoner ever and I hate that! I hate it a lot. There's a lot of other little things, just as there are a lot of little things that made me fall back in love with him.

This is probably not the healthiest of relationships to be in, but it's working for me right now. I like that he calls me after work and we make kissy noises at each other. I love when he's at my apartment and he can't keep his hands off me. I like waking up to him next to me. I love love love kissing him, so much more than Matt Two because it means more, there's history behind it, there's love and lust and infatuation and genuine heartfelt feeling.

Well, whatever. Right now it's all about him and how he makes me feel. Eventually there will have to be some damage control, but right now everyone's in love and it's just really nice.

- Um, that's it. I really need to get off my ass and get ready to go to the gym. So, rock on, and I hope you all have a drunktastic New Year! Yay.