As one door closes, another door opens.

December 01, 2005

As per usual, the only thing I have to talk about tonight is boys. Before I get into the multitude of boy talk, however, let me attempt to at least try to talk about something else.

- I love my car.
- I love Ali-Kat.
- At work today, I got to work on this music show where Coldplay talked extensively about themselves and their history. For such a huge megaband, they really are awesome people with a really groovy outlook on life. I do love me some Coldplay, yes sir.
- I am going to Austin tomorrow to see my lovely girlfriends. I am very, very excited about this fact. I even worked 4 extra hours today so that I can leave 4 hours early tomorrow. I love how that works.
- I have no done any Christmas shopping as of yet.
- Um, yeah.

So, now I can talk about boys!

I don't know. Matt replied to my email with a very disheartening email of his own that really did the trick of making me wake up and see what's really going on. From what might end up being my last email to him for a really long time:
So...I guess what I need is some distance from you. I thought I was doing okay, but then we start with the borderline porn emails and I started getting a little excited again. But...I understand what you're doing in your life right now, and I can appreciate it, and I hope you find everything you want wherever the hell you are. I can't be friends with you right now. I want to, but I can't, because I just want so much more than that and you can't give it to me. I get that, and it's fine. It sucks, but it's fine.

There definitely is so much more that I want to say, but...you know how it goes. Thank you for being in my life. It sucks that it had to end up like this, but shit happens. Good luck with everything and I hope 2006 goes better for you.

Yeah. I really don't get him and I feel SO FUCKING STUPID for ever thinking that I did. In essence, he so Chandler Bing-ed me! I AM JANICE! HE IS IN YEMEN! It is all so very very wrong. But I'm okay with closing the door on him. We had a good run, it's been over for a while, and hey, we all move on. Well, I don't, but I can pretend.

Then there's of course...Ryan. He actually got my message yesterday and responded with the following nugget:

hey girl wassup!
miss ya! anywayz goin to bed so call me tomorrow or something, my cell is [insert number here]
we need to hang soon
goodnite

So tonight, after a full 12 hours of work, after mom convinced me that I absolutely had to call him, I did. We only talked for about 6 minutes, but it was a nice chat we had. He even asked me what I was doing tomorrow night and sounded dissapointed when I said I was going to Austin for the weekend. He said he'll call me on Sunday night, so we'll see if he does and if he does, we'll see what happens with that. I really just want to see him and catch up a little. Making out? Tempting, but no. We do not want to go there. I don't know...I just want to see him again one time, for nostalgia purposes. Is that weird? Maybe it's weird.

J and I had lunch at Whataburger today. We're both kind of in boy crisis mode right now and I asked him if I should date as many boys as possible in 2006, or should I not date anybody at all in 2006? He gave me the no-bullshit answer: I have to figure out what the hell is going on with me before I can date anymore guys. I have to figure out why I put these guys on a pedestal when there's no fucking way they deserve that. Look how high I put Matt Two up, and look how he told me one of the most massive lies ever in my history. That's not cool, and there's no way I can keep doing this to myself.

There's so much more to say, but I slept like shit last night and I have a 3 hour drive to undertake tomorrow, so yeah. Rock on with that.

Once again, my stupid myspace hangout. That place is sooo going to get me fired!