Did I do that?

June 16, 2005

You know, living in Texas, we all know that summer will occur eventually. And we all know, us residents of Texas, that it will be mind-numbingly, brain-blowing, ball-bustingly hot.

Yet when it happens, and when it gets to be 100 degrees by 3 in the afternoon and when you step outside and it feels like an oven is melting you into a pool of mush, you wonder why you can't just move to Alaska or something.

I just thought we should all be aware of that.

So, lalalala. Work, work, work. I'm still doing a lot of overtime this week, and that's good times. The only problem is that this week, we've been inundated with one show and one show only: Family Matters. 2 seasons worth.

If you are not familiar with the later seasons of this show, you should know that they should have changed the name to Urkel Matters, because that's basically all the show was about at that point. And by the end of the show, it had gotten so completely ridiculous and far-fetched, with Steve's weird science projects and alternate reality kind of things, that it's just like.. surreal.

But... it's growing on me, I guess. We all have gotten emotionally involved now. The most important question of the week that none of us can seem to answer - Why doesn't Steve just be Stefan all the time? And why is Laura so in love with Stefan and not Steve? WHY?

If you want to have something to giggle about, please, for the love of god, check out this website.

In other news, it seems like me and my dad are going to have a nice bonding weekend ahead of us. First of all, it appears that I might be getting a new car this weekend! I am not complaining about that.

Also, my sunday school class is having a special father's day thing, and I'm bringing my dad to class with me! My dad is the most unchurch person ever, so that should be interesting. Plus, I want him to meet Church Boy. I don't really know why.

In other news, I originally wanted to start the dating process this month, but I keep changing my mind, and I think I'm just going to put it off until I get back from Vegas/Utah in July. I just don't think I'm ready, and I just don't want to worry about it anymore. All I want to do is work as much overtime as possible, write my short story for my creative writing class, and lose more weight. Those are my plans for the next 2 or 3 weeks, anyway.

And really, if we want to be honest about it, I'm still trying to recover from the whole Matt thing. It's not destroying me, it's not really occupying a lot of my brain power. But it's still there. It still hurts. And I'm not quite ready to throw myself back into it.

I'm still trying to get used to the whole being as single as the most single person in the world thing. Even when I was dating Mike, I knew in the back of mind that Matt would still be there somewhere, which almost allowed me to fuck things up with Mike. I don't have that anymore, nor do I want it. But... it's still a little lonely around here.

And sometimes, when I'm really bitter, I wonder if it's even worth it at all. I mean... what does 7 good years really matter if it's going to end so very casually, just a "I can't talk to you anymore," and that's it?

But I know that's such a cop out. Without those 7 years, there wouldn't have been marathon cross country road trips through almost every state in the friggin USA, plus Canada and Mexico! Without those 7 years, I wouldn't have known about wrestling or the power of grilled onions or fundido at On The Border or Chevy Corsicas and Dodge Rams or Beagle puppies or making tacos on Monday nights or king sized beds or the wonders of Vegas on New Years Eve. I might not have experienced having a person be so outrageously attracted to me even when I gained 50 pounds. I might not have experienced the all encompassing, total balls to the wall passionate love that I had for this man.

Not to mention, Charlie would never have found me and my dad if Matt was never in my life. Charlie makes me happy. So yay for Matt's former roomate for almost completely abandoning his puppy dog so that I could feel sorry for the little guy and take him as my own. See, it was worth it!

So, after all that, at least I can honestly say that I learned a lot from that. I will never have a relationship like that again. The next "relationship" I have will be based on trust and equality, and if it's not, I'm out. I'm getting too old to spend time with someone who I know is ultimately not going to be the one.

So that's that.

I guess I'm a chatty bitch tonight.. I just called my mom and talked to her for 30 minutes about nothing particularly important. Maybe it's time for my period or something, I don't know. I kinda feeling like watching Jerry Maguire and having a tear-fest, but it's 11:00 and way past my bedtime.

In "it's a small world" news, today I made an appointment to get my face waxed at a salon near my apartment. To my delight, the chick who turned out to be the waxer is someone who used to do my waxing for like, 5 years. I was so excited about that, man! She's good! Although nothing will make having your face waxed feel less like being slapped in the face 5 times. It hurts, yall.

Also, I went to Freebirds because I've been good on my diet this week and it was right by the salon and I was hungry, damnit! My old manager from the Freebirds I worked at in Austin was there. I didn't say hi, though. Because my face was bright red and all wax-like, and I just saw him last year at another Freebirds in Dallas anyway. It's like I'm a Freebirds groupie!

Someday I will stop talking about myself so much, but that day probably won't be anytime soon.

Hi Ali-Kat! Don't worry, we will hang out again at some point in our lives!

*****

a year...
"So yesterday, my future wicked British stepmother says to me, "Well, you definitely look less bloated than before."

Uh, thanks? That's the worst compliment I've ever received?

2 years...
" I keep asking the eternal question, "Am I betraying myself by even thinking of getting back together with him?"

3 years..
"But BB.. he makes me feel like shit because I actually deserve to feel like shit. He put me in my place when I was being a selfish bitch. He called me on it, and I hate that!"