Man, I sure do talk about boys alot, don't I?

May 25, 2005

You know, I always knew I was a procrastinator, this is not news to me. But I'm moving in like, less than a day and a half, and my room is still a disaster area. I've packed 16 (!) boxes already, and I still have 3 or 4 more to go. I'm actually really self conscious as to how many damn boxes I have. I'm just one tiny little girl, where is all this stuff coming from?

I hate moving. I know it will be worth it. I know I will enjoy ordering pizza without having my roommate say, "What happened to working out?!" I know I will enjoy not having the partial responsibility of taking care of PD the Magical Puppy, although I will miss the ever loving fuck out of that dog. I know that once I get settled in to my new place, everything will be happy and good. But right now, I just want to tear my eyeballs out.

My roommate has it even worse since she's buying a house. From all the crap she's going through, it's making me never want to buy a house, ever. Yay apartments, that's what I say.

Anyway, instead of packing tonight, which is the obvious thing I should have been doing, I took my ass to the gym once again and did an hour of cardio. It is good that I feel so diligent about getting in my gym time. It is bad that I'm doing so at the detriment of actually getting my stuff together so that I can, oh, I don't know... move out.

Anyway.

At work we're doing Step By Step. I cannot believe this show was on for a full 7 years. It isn't funny, it has no redeeming social value, and I really kinda hate it a little. The only thing I like about it is Patrick Duffy, cuz like.. he's hot in an older man, used to star in "Dallas" kind of way. But I did 3 of them yesterday, 3 of them today, and now I can't get that horrendous theme song out of my head. Geebus.

Also at work, I thought I was going to get over my little "I want to have dirty sex with my quite possibly gay sort of supervisor" situation, but like.. I'm not. I think I've had enough innapropriate crushes on people (Farm Guy, anyone?) in the past year to know that I can't allow this to escalate at all. I'm just enjoying the fun electric-y feelings I get when he's near me. That's okay, isn't it? Right? Right?

Also, just in case you were wondering, I'm pretty sure he has blue eyes. I don't know positively because I have a hard time looking him in the eye because when he's explaining something he looks right at me in a very intense kind of way that has always made me nervous. Does that make any kind of sense? He's also an actor. He doesn't like Dr. Laura and apparently doesn't own a TV. Gooood times, people.

Speaking of crushes, I went to church on Sunday expecting to perform my one act play, "Church Boy, Pick Me." Unfortunately, he wasn't there to witness this wonderful play of mine. Um, I started liking him in November and now it's almost June. Do you think maybe I should have taken the hint by now? I do, too. But I'm not going to give up. When we were at our peak and there was mojo flying all over the place, that boy really made me feel proud of myself. He understood me. He made me feel interesting and intruiging, and I love that about him. I want that feeling all the time, damnit!

This entry is a lot less interesting than I intended. But! Today I got to see one of my Match Games on the Game Show Network, and it actually looked really good. I suggest you all TiVO a Match Game sometime soon and turn your captioning on, because then we can all grow spiritually and D-land can be one giant orgy fest!

I should obviously go to sleep now.

It's officially been a month since the Matt situation. We all know my thoughts on it, but it should be said one last time: I'm okay. It's good that we haven't talked in 3 weeks. It's good that I haven't even cried in 3 weeks. I feel that now I no longer have him in any capacity to rely on as a crutch, I am finally allowing myself to grow as a person. Cheesy, yes. True, also.

I'm also having a little bit of a CSI fascination again. I'm watching all the reruns on Spike and watching my DVDs while I pack. I had forgotten what an awesome show it really and truly is. Plus, Billy Petersen, YUM. Seriously.

Maybe at some point in my life I won't be so boy crazy. But I doubt it.

I seriously need to go to bed now. Waking up at 5:45 doesn't really get any easier.

*****

a year ago...
"I'm feeling completely useless these days, and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT AROUND. What goes around comes around, right?"

2 years...
"It's kinda fun being the daughter of the person throwing the party. People ask who you are and you're all like, "I'm Robert's daughter," and they're like all impressed. It was like I had power or something."

3 years...
"She has an amazing memory, that girl does. How does she remember this stuff? And why don't I remember it?! She remembered the name of a band I wanted to start when I was like 15! I wanted to name it "Salad" cuz "we're all mixed up!" Hehe! Get it?!"