If I were any happier, I'd be twins!

February 26, 2005

Do you ever get the urge to just not ever update anymore? Yeah, me too.

It's just that nothing of note is really happening at the moment. Not that that has ever particularly stopped me before, but, you know.

The boy situation is still the same. Every time I resign myself to not ever hearing from him again, there he is, sending me smiley face text messages or saying "If I wasn't sick, I would go to the farm with you.." without me even inviting him, which is hardcore, because then we'd be taking our first little trip together AND he would have to meet my dad! I'm just sayin.

I might be inclined to maybe just move on with my life if I never experienced that kiss of his. Just ONE session of kissing, a fucking MONTH ago, is still driving me wacky crazy just thinking about it. I want it again, damnit! I've never experienced a kiss like that before, one so completely memorable that even a month later I can't seem to stop fantasizing about it. Damnit. Damn. Fuck. Shit. Okay. I'm finished now. Cocksucker.

The job situation is good, good. I did a Diff'rent Strokes on Friday for actual purposes, not just training. My boss wanted it in by 2:00, and she didn't think I could do it. She was all, "If you think you can't make it, give it to me and I'll finish it." But I did finish it, with like 30 minutes to spare, and she said it was a very good first effort and that I did a good job. So, yay for that.

Incidentally, I've had the Diff'rent Strokes theme song in my head all weekend.
"He'll have his, you'll have yours, and I'll have mine! TOGETHER WE'LL BE FINE!"

I'm so glad that I'm able to do this job and like.. not suck at it! It's really nice to not suck at a job for once.

Although, I am being peer pressured at work into eating healthy food. When I go in there with my Burger King or Taco Bell, I feel like I'm breaking some kind of rule or something. So.. now it's Subway or a food of my own creation. That sucks, but like.. being fat kinda sucks.

I got my first real whole paycheck yesterday, and dizamn! I felt like a fucking millionaire, people! It's the most money I've ever made at a job, let me just tell you that. I mean, to other people, it's really not a lot. But to me.. I kept having to check to see if they took taxes and everything out, because I just didn't think that number was right. It's all good, people. That's all I'm saying.

Other news of note:

I may be the ripe old age of 25, but almost nothing on this planet makes me happier than my puppy dog, Charlie. I know it's strange, but I went to the farm last night, and when it was time to go to bed I told Charlie that he didn't have to come sleep with me, he was perfectly welcome to sleep with his owner, my dad. But I am his original mommy, and that made him pick me all on his little cocker spaniel/golden retreiver own. He slept right next to me all night, snored the whole time, and then woke me up in the morning with a kiss.

I just love the crap out of that little crazy mongrel dog. Just the fact that he is so passionate about me being his mommy after all these years, how I only see him once or twice a month.. I love that. He's my baby.

Awww. Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Anyway, in other farm news, I am proud to report that I am seemingly completely over Farm Guy. I don't know how it happened, but it just did. My small group movie night plans fell through last night and my dad invited me to the farm, so I went. It only occured to me a few hours later after I decided to go that Farm Guy would even be involved at all. And then, when I got there and he was there and we chatted a bit.. nothing. I just used to have such a passionate love for this man that I have to wonder where it all went. Maybe it was just a crush. A really intense, hardcore, insanely obsessive crush.

Today I spent lots of good bonding time with one Mrs. Ali-Kat. There was a face wax involved, which wasn't as pleasant as it sounds. We also went to see my mommy's horse, who is a very sweet young lady. We saw Hitch, which involved two very exciting situations:

a. Paradise City plays at the beginning of the preview for The Longest Yard. I got so excited I almost creamed my pants! I didn't think Axl would allow something like that to happen, but I guess it's good for everyone.
b. Eva Mendes, when she's sad in the movie, eats ice cream and watches Jerry Maguire. I SO totally do that when I'm depressed. That excited me.

There was also a visit to the pet store, where I saw the cutest basset hound puppy, with huge gigantic floppy ears. Awww. Puppy.

It was a very lovely rainy Saturday, and I enjoyed spending time with my Ali-Katness. However, I'm sure we would all understand that it would have been just a little better if I could spend time with my bank boy at the end of the day. But.. he has the flu. Fucker! Take some claritin and drink some orange juice and get over it, damnit!

Speaking of the flu, I think my iPod can like, read my mind. I think it understands me in a very special way. On Thursday night, I was very, very angry. The short story on why I was so pissed was because Mike said he'd call at 7:00. He did not call me at 7:00. In fact, he didn't call me until 9:30, when I was about to fucking smash a window with a baseball bat because I seemingly have anger issues.

It turns out that he had the flu and he was totally planning on calling earlier but he fell asleep instead. I thought that was a valid reason, and he sounded remorseful, so, okay. Fine.

Meanwhile, I had been driving all around Dallas because my iPod was doing it's damndest to help sooth my nerves. I had it on random, and first it played Dream On. Then, in a row, it played Don't Cry, Welcome to the Jungle, and the Garden. I screamed my ass off to these songs. If there was a rock star version of American Idol, or maybe American Idol: In the Car, I would have won. Basically, my iPod rocks and I know you're jealous.

That was a lot longer of a story than I meant it to be. See what happens when I don't update for a few days?

In short: I am really pretty easy going and content these days. If I could just perhaps shoot the food demon in the eye and make it die a horrible bloody death, that would be great. If I could get past the Capricorn wall that my bank boy has installed for himself, that would be awesome too. But the job is good, the atmosphere is good, the money situation is awesome, and that's about it. And I get to go to Austin next weekend, which is never a bad thing. Also not a bad thing? The Oscars are tomorrow! It's my Super Bowl.

Rock out with your cocks out, ladies. Also, my entry from 2 years ago is totally heartbreaking, and you should read it.

*****

a year ago...
"I hate job interviews."

2 years...
"I kept thinking to myself today... this must all count for something. There must be a whole point to me beating myself up daily.. there must be some karmic reason for what is going on in my life right now. And it's all going to lead to some grand display, some big karmic dump where everything works out in the end. But right now I have to pay my dues. I have to be miserable in order to truly be happy. Yin and yang."

3 years...
"Study, nap, or clean up my room? Pshhh. Who knows."