is someone getting the best, the best, the best of you?

September 29, 2005

You know, I've been feeling very blah this week, but I do have something to be proud about - I am a total captioning MACHINE! I so totally kicked ass at work today and I'm not afraid to admit that. I did 30 minutes of a Frank Sinatra movie (which I actually really enjoyed) and then a Family Feud which was due in a few hours. I am apparently now the person they turn to when there's a deadline and they need quantity, not quality. I can dig it.

But man, it was so satisfying to be able to do so much work today. I really hope they recognize this fact and pay me accordingly, because I feel that I deserve a damn raise, OOKKAY? Thank you very much.

I've been here at this job almost 9 months now and it's still very satisfying to know that I am really good at it and I'm also very beneficial to the company. That hasn't happened a lot in my life, so I will take it where I can get it.

In other news, you gotta love Texas. Yesterday it was about 102 degrees, then a big gigantic storm with hail and millions of lightning bolts and other assorted features swept through, and I don't think it's gone above 75 degrees today and probably won't get past 90 for the rest of the year. That's lovely. We don't really have a chance to adjust to the seasons, they just sort of happen when they're damn good and ready.

I love the Fall. I know we all know this, but I just wanted to make sure. It's almost October. Mmm, October. I guess.

My diet has sucked beyond repair this week. And, well, for the last 3 weeks, really. I need to get more Meridia, I need to join Weight Watchers, something. Because I figure...the only way I'm going to mature and get over my issues is if I put in the hard work and lose this fucking weight once and for all. I hate my stomach.

In required boy news...I haven't talked to Matt Two since Monday. That's a long time when you figure in the fact that he's moving 1000 miles away "at the end of the week." Well, now it's "the end of the week" and I figure it's just a matter of like...hours before he disappears from my life forever. I'm almost relieved not to hear from him because it just somehow makes it easier. I wanted to see him one last time, but that's just selfish and really just delaying the inevitable. The "inevitable" being, "Hello, I'm leaving, this is over."

Bah. Sometimes when I get too dreamy and "Oooh, he still cares about me! Maybe we're still meant to be!" I think about the one true and simple fact that it was his decision to move out there. He wasn't transferred out there by his job, he doesn't have a major reason to move other than he wants to start over, which is a really good reason and I understand that. But...if he saw a future for us, he wouldn't place himself 1,000 miles away from doing that. So...that's something unpleasant to think about.

The good news is, my transition crush is the new non-gay boy at work. Why that's good news I don't know, because that just wouldn't work at all. He sits like 2 feet away from me and it could get ugly. Plus he's really not my type, and he has a very dry and dorky sense of humor, like he's trying to hard. But he's also very classicaly good looking and we get along, so it's pretty easy to dig him. I just hope I can contain myself from taking it any further than that.

So, for now...I'm trying to be in Apathy Mode. I know Matt's leaving, I know I can't do anything about it, and I know if I think too much about it, it will destroy me. I did write him the requisite "Sappy Email 2005" on Tuesday which really said everything I could ever possibly want to say to the guy, so I feel good about that.

I miss him, though. I miss him hardcore and I don't anticipate a point where I'm going to stop missing him any time soon. But that's okay...next time I'll be stronger, and next time won't suck so bad. At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

I do have a boy coming to visit me at my apartment right now, but unfortunately he's as gay as Christmas and my brother's ex-boyfriend. Ah, well, I guess we can't always win 'em all.

Please, if you've read this far, sign my guestbook if you would, please! Nobody ever does anymore and I'd just like to hear from you if you're still there. Thank you for your continued support.

I'm going to go work out now. Unfortunately, I hooked my Ipod up to my new computer because I thought it was going to transfer the songs to ITunes, when instead ITunes transfered a whole void of blankness to my iPod and now there's NOTHING on it. That was fun! Thanks, ITunes.

I am now watching CSI and Mad World by Gary Jules just played and that made my nipples hard.

Okay, then.