Austin and other crap.

March 06, 2005

So, I had a pretty groovy time in Austin. I really didn't want to leave, actually. But.. I'm a career woman now, so I had to.

I went to my lovely friend Sarah's bridal shower yesterday, and it was realy quite awesome to see all my Austin girl friends. It's been almost a year and a half since I've lived there, but they've always welcomed me back with open arms, and they were all really happy about me FINALLY, for the love of GOD, getting my job.

They all think closed captioning sounds like the most awesome job ever. That is, after I explain what the hell I do for a living. If you tell someone, "Oh, I'm a lawyer," or, "Yeah, I'm a stripper, have a problem with that?" They know what you are. But when you say "I'm a caption editor!", explanation is needed.

Anyway.

I then hung out with my brother.

The real estate business in Austin, as it turns out, is profitable out of the ass. My brother has had his own company for less than a year, but he makes A WEEK what I make IN A YEAR. He now lives in a loft (I keep wanting to say "dorm", but it is decidely not a dorm at all) that is absolutely the most insane and extravagant place I've ever seen in my lifetime. He has a plasma TV, a pool table, black leather couches, a black kitchen, an elevator that goes RIGHT to his place, and and and.. it's amazing. The view is spectacular.. it's right in the heart of downtown Austin, in the middle of everything you could possibly want.

So, he's made it. He's good. But he doesn't seem particularly happy about it. In fact, he seems just as gloomy as he always has. He doesn't have a big head about it, either. He's always wanted this for himself, and now he has it, but it seems like it's kind of empty or something. That, and the fact that he has to work his ass off. We were supposed to go to his ex boyfriend's birthday party last night, but instead he left at 9:45 and went to his office until 12:30! I mean, that's dedication.

Anyway, I didn't mean to talk about my brother so much. I'm proud of him, but I don't think he's a loft kind of guy, and I don't think all this crazy money is making him any happier. It's all very interesting.

Last night I didn't do much of anything. I wanted to get really, really fantastically drunk, but then I talked myself out of it.. I can't be trusted to drink when mother nature is in town. It's just not pretty. So.. I spent most of the night watching Something's Gotta Give and talking to Matt online. For someone who doesn't want a relationship with me, he sure doesn't like the fact that I was going to have sex on Thursday night with someone I hadn't been seeing for very long. He doesn't know the whole story, but from what I told him.. it really bothered him. In some ways, it's nice to know that I can still get under his skin. In other ways, shit or get off the pot, dude.

Today I went to my lovely Austin church. When I was leaving, I saw Jennifer and that made me happy. Jennifer was the first person in Austin to invite me to a social occasion. We saw Bringing Down the House together. It was good times.

After church, I went to Mount Bonnell. Mount Bonnell just makes me happy for some reason.

On the way back home, I listened to Kelly Clarkson's Addicted about 17 times (thanks, Michelle!), which ironically, I am addicted to. That's a good song, man.

I'm glad I made it out to Austin this month because for some reason, I've always gone to Austin during Spring Break for the past 5 or 6 years. It's not exactly Spring Break for me now, but, you know. Traditions are good.

I didn't want to leave at all, but I came home earlier than usual because I'm having dinner with my dad tonight. This is important because I'm going to do the immature daughter thing and ask him for money. Why do I not have any money? Because I spent all of my last paycheck on porn, rent, and shit for Thursday night. Yeah, I know, what a waste.

You know.. the entire month and half we dated, Mike never spent one penny on me. I just thought you guys should know that.

And speaking of Mike (stop groaning, you knew I had to mention him at some point), yesterday I got through the day by taking great comfort in the fact that I NEVER have to talk to him again. He hasn't tried to contact me, nor have I tried to contact him, since Thursday. I thought about sending him a text message sometime this week, but I am really going to try not to. If my friendship is so important like he claims it is, he'll get in touch with me. At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself. My mindset right now is that my silence is saying so much more than anything I can possibly say at the moment.

The weirdest thing about this is the fact that I'm not even letting myself entertain the thought of us getting back together. I mean, I know that's not something he wants, and I'm not even letting myself think that maybe somewhere in the back of my mind he does want it. If he's not attracted to me, which I now know with absolute certainty that he's not, then I don't want to be with him anyway. I know sex isn't everything.. I do know that. But it is something, and well.. yeah.

I'm okay. I'll be over it soon. I know I'll be looking at my phone and wondering if he's ever going to call me or text me again for a while, maybe a month or two, but then I'll stop doing that and I'll move on completely and the next boy will come along and have totally new drama, so that's about it. Pleasant, huh?

Today I just feel shitty. My cramps are just really bad, I'm all crappy tired, I can't stop thinking about various Mike-related items, and my roomate annoyed me when I got home. In a subtle way, nothing to really write about, but she did. And it stung. But at least PD's back. YAY PD!@

Is it sad that this is the third year in a row that I only knew it was Natalie's birthday because of last year's entry? I think so. But I just called her and we had a fun chat ("The new job is good! The new boy is bad."), so that's good.

I'm out.

*****

a year ago..
"OMG! Speaking of friends, it's a good thing that I have almost three years of my life documented here on D-Land, because I can look back on entries I did a year ago and see that it's Natalie's birthday and I can call her and not be the tool that forgot her birthday! Yay Diaryland!"

2 years..
"I so want me some of Kyle. He felt bad about double booking so he signed me up for 2 more sessions. I think it's cuz he has the hots for me. Or not. His girlfriend has like.. the most perfect body ever. It's crazy. It's disgusting."

3 years...
"I love Austin. There's something about it that has sucked me in ever since the first time I went, when I was 11. I feel like I should have gone to UT, but my grades never reflected that. My brother got to go, so I lived vicariously through him."