There is no Arizona

September 05, 2005

Wouldn't you know...I meet a guy I really click with, we have a great time for 3 weeks and it seems like the future is really going to be something...and then he starts to get bummed out by financial issues...

and then he decides to move in with his dad. Who lives in Arizona. He's out there visiting him right now and I guess that's the decision that felt right to him. I can't fault him for that, I guess, but...damnit.

Of course, it could be worse...he could tell me that he met someone else, that he just wasn't attracted to me, that he has herpes...but damn. Just damn. Damnit damnit damnit.

I never really got a chance to get to know him that well...we never got a chance to capitalize on the crazy vibes that existed between us. I am not taking this well.

My immediate reaction is to get on E-Harmony or something and try to find someone to replace him as soon as possible, but I know that's really not in my best interest at this point in my life. I really, seriously need to take some time to figure out what's going on with me, figure out why I get so seriously involved in such a short time. This guy was special. This guy...there was something about him, and it was not just that he had an unusually large penis. I will look back on this one for a long time and wish things could have been different.

But...things aren't different, so after I finish crying so much it feels like I'm going to throw up all over myself, after I finish listening to "There is No Arizona" like it has some resemblance to my life, after I stop staring at his picture that I stole off Match.com, I'm going to take a shower and start the long process that is "Figuring out what the hell is going on in my life." I just can't wait.

I admire him for making the decision, but it still hurts. It hurts way much more than it should. I've known him for a month, what should happen here is that I SHOULD say and probably think, "Well, it was nice while it lasted, but we barely knew each other." But instead I can't help thinking that I just wanted it to be so much more than it is, and it's breaking my heart that it's not.

The last line of his email said...
So yeah, I bet you didn't want to hear that, but if you ever come to visit here in AZ or hey live here, i'll be here.

I hate boys.

****

He promised her a new and better life,out in Arizona
Underneath the blue never ending sky,swore that he was gonna
Get things in order,he'd send for her
When he left her behind,it never crossed her mind

There is no Arizona
No pained desert,no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist,those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

She got a postcard with no return address,postmarked Tombstone
It said "I don't know where I'm goin' next but when I do
I'll let you know"
May,June,July,she wonders why
She's still waiting,she'll keep waiting 'cause

There is no Arizona
No pained desert,no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist,those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

Each day the sun sets into the west
Her heart sinks lower in her chest and
Friends keep asking when she's going
Finally she tells them don't you know

There is no Arizona
No pained desert,no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist,those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

He promised her a new and better life,out in Arizona