It took me 27 minutes to write this. That seems too long.

July 22, 2005

Things to know and appreciate:

* Boys, boys, boys. Things about boys:
a. I am finding it disturbing, this need to go by various ex-boyfriends houses/apartments to see if their car is outside. What do I get out of that, exactly? Do I realize that this is borderline psycho girl behavior? Yes, but I just can't help myself anyway. 2 of my exes and a boy that I used to date have been the target of my weird stalking habit in the past 2 weeks.

I think I might have a problem?

* Eric replied to my email, saying that he has "shit to work out" and he doesn't want to hurt me with "the insanity inside his head" and other things that boys who are poets write in emails to chicks that they're blowing off. Oh, and he didn't get tickets to the Nine Inch Nails concert, and just to add a little spice to the email, he tacked on "but you're a cool chick" at the end.

In one way, that really sparked that whole girly "I'm going to change him and make him happy!" complex, and I sent him another email that said I would be there for him if he wanted me to be. But in the other way, he just totally blew me off and apparently I'm just not the right kind of girl for him. So, whatever. It's cool. Really. Yeah, I'm disappointed, but I didn't do anything wrong here, man. I did my best, it didn't work, I'm sad, I'll move on.

* Speaking of moving on, I've decided to just suck it up and revisit the world of online dating. So far I've just joined Yahoo and Matchmaker, which I joined for nostalgia's sake, since I did meet a huge chunk of boyfriends there way back when, including the infamous Matthew.

So far I haven't been too impressed, and neither have the boys, either. But I did talk to a really lovely random gentleman on ICQ last night for an hour. He just sent me a message about something or other and then we engaged in witty banter. It was one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I hope happens again soon, and I hope that if we meet, it'll translate in person. We instantly bonded because of music tastes and our love for dogs. Plus, he has a tattoo! But I am getting ahead of myself. As, you know, I kinda do every now and then.

* Work - At work we just got finished working on The Flash, a tv show that lasted a whole year in 1991. It grew on me, I guess, and mostly because the star of the show is the guy who played Dawson's dad on Dawson's Creek.

Also, we're still doing the Amazing Race. With every episode I do of this show, I feel more and more like I need to find someone to be on it with me and just go and do it! Yesterday I did the season finale of Season 2, and wow, that was some intense drama. By the time it was all over, I felt like I had run that race. Plus the whole Wil/Tara/Alex love triangle was kinda fun to witness.

This really is the perfect job for me. I am allowed to get emotionally invested in the characters and the subject matter, and it's okay because we have to be hardcore in order to get these shows done. Ah, captioning.

* I'm broke. Like, dead broke. Do I recognize the irony in paying such a big payment on my Discover Card, only to use so much money on that that now my checking account is empty and I actually have to use my Discover Card because I have no other income? Yes, yes I do.

I'm getting paid twice what I got paid when I was working for my dad, yet I'm still fucking broke all the time. I need to get serious and start a savings account so I don't have to live in an apartment for the rest of my life.

* I worked overtime tonight, and now I'm home, and I'm hungry, bored, and lonely. It's nights like this where I wish I had some sort, any kind at all, of a social life.

The overtime is good for the extra money and the bonding of the co-workers, but it's not helping me get to the gym and it's not making me want to reach out to find friends. I am worried about that.

That is all. I want a hot dog but my microwave is at my dad's house. Oh, woe is me.

Here's a picture:

Here's another picture:

****

1
"Speaking of obsessions, I had a dream about Bette Midler last night."

2
"It's simply amazing what getting some can do for a girl."

3
"Speaking of Jerry Maguire and Vanilla Sky.. I can't fathom that Cameron Crowe could possibly write both of those."

4
"He dumped me for a guy, had sex with a virgin, and left me broken hearted."