Baby, maybe, someday

October 27, 2004

So, the chick at the place called yesterday, and now I have my second interview NEXT Thursday. That's like, a long time from now. A lot of time to obsess.

She said something on the phone about a typing test. This makes me happy because I type 80 WPM with very few mistakes, and I know that gives me an edge on a lot of the competition. I know I have the qualifications, and I know I have the desire, but the competition is making me want to tear my hair out. But, good thoughts. Good vibes.

And I hate that they're dragging it on for so long. I assume that after they interview me they'll take at least a week or two to decide, which means I should know in about THREE WEEKS if I get this job or not. That makes me not happy.

We're moving this office next week, and yuck. At least we won't be across the street from On the Border anymore.. the temptation is just too big sometimes! Yikes.

I made it a point to watch Scrubs, my new favorite show, last night because Zach Braff directed the episode. One of the lines he said that really hit a nerve with me was, "I think the best way to lose something is to want it too much." Seriously? That has been a pattern in my life. I can almost guarantee you that if I want something reallyreally bad, I hardly ever get it. I know, woe is me, right? But this job situation makes me really nervous. I'm not really applying to many other jobs right now because I want this one so bad, and if I don't get it, I'm back at square one! Buhhh.

I do keep getting calls from people who saw my resume on Monster. They all seem to assume that now that I've been at this job for 8 months, I automatically wish to be a receptionist for the REST OF MY LIFE! And no. No, I don't.

At church last night, I became one of THOSE people. The kinds of people that totally monopolize conversations and turn it back into one of their situations. Re: my work issues. This job thing has been consuming me for the past 2 years and I can't help but obsess about it. I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER WITH! I want to feel like I can accomplish something! I want to feel like I mean something to a company! I want to feel like I didn't waste 5 years in college! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!!!

Okay, tangent, sorry. But sometimes I just need to rant. And that sometimes is today.

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I felt like I should use this spot today to talk about the farm. I know a lot of you are all, "Why the hell does she go to the farm all the damn time? Is she fucking milking cows or something?"

Let me explain for those of you who don't know. My dad has always wanted a little farmhouse, and for years and years he looked for the perfect place to build one. In 1997ish, he found a nice little area in Will's Point, which is in East Texas, about an hour and 10 minutes from Dallas. 7 years later, we have donkeys, horses (some of them are racing horses), dogs, tractors, golf carts, big elaborate trees, a small pond, and a nice pleasant little house to visit on the weekend, and a really great place to have family gatherings.

There are several reasons why I enjoy going to the farm so often. Here's a list!

- Dogs. There are 3 Anatolian Shephards who's main job in life is to patrol the farm at night. I don't know how they do this, and I don't know where they go and how they know to come back in the morning, but they rock. There's also Charlie, who is a bad city dog and has to come live in the country. He stays in a cage at night because we're not so sure about his survivor skills. I love my doggies and I love spending time with them, because that's just who I am.
- Horsies!
- Family time.
- My old bed resides at the farm, and it's always nice to get a good night's sleep in my childhood bed.
- Relaxation, when my dad isn't being a prick and making us all contribute to society.
- You can actually see stars out there!
- It's just so purty.
- And, you know.. Farm Guy.

Farm Guy was here even before there was a farm house to go to. He and my dad seem to be on the same page as far as how he wants to the farm to run. He worked for my dad for a few years, and then.. went away for a while. We had some other dude come in, and he wasn't nearly as good. All I remember about him was the fact that he had this HUGE bull that looked like it was ready and willing to kick some hardcore ass.

The farm burned down in 2001, apparently due to lightning, and uh, that was bad. It broke my dad's heart, really. Understandably, since we had so many family heirlooms and other stuff in there, so that was sad.

While we started the process of rebuilding the farm, that guy was fired and Farm Guy, apparently rehabilitated from various vices and freshly divorced, was rehired. He takes care of all the fun stuff.. mowing, landscaping, feeding the dogs and horses, and just keeps everything running. He recently moved right down the road so that the commute is easier. My dad comes usually about every other weekend, and he does a lot of basic gardening stuff and basically just relaxes. The farm is a big point of pride for him.. it's beautiful, and he worked hard for it.

Anyway, that's the farm. I just thought you might want to know.

And just another quick note on Farm Guy.. I've decided that next time we have at least 30 seconds alone, without all his kids running around, I'm going to tell him that I have a crush on him. While the whole "waiting for a year" thing was probably the smarter and more ideal way to go, it's just not that fun! I want him to know! I mean, we all like to know when people have crushes on us, right? Right.

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Quick hits:

- My hair, no matter what lengths I go to fix it in the morning, always seems to end up parted in the middle. I'm tired of it. I love my long hair, but sometimes I wish I could do something radical.

- My boyfriend Mike at the bank gave me some Smarties today. I'm gonna miss him when I do eventually get a new job.. I mean, how many people that work at banks actually care enough about you to get to know your story and then ask you how the job search is going when you swing by the next time? I heart Mike, and I heart that bank. Yay personal service!

- After work I'm going to the mall because I found a new store that I wish to obsess over along with Hot Topic - Torrid, the "cool" store for the fat chicks. I am excited about Torrid, and so is my credit card.

- I signed up with Classmates.com because Amanda finally signed up on it. I immediately signed up and sent her an email when I found her, and I'm anxiously awaiting a reply from her. I don't really expect one any time soon, but it still makes me happy-cited to know that I could finally make some kind of contact with her. Who knows, I might be disappointed. I certainly was with Claire, who turned out to be the biggest bitch EVER. And when I think about it, she pretty much always was a bitch, but she was my best friend, so I overlooked it. Ahhh, teenage life.
- Last night, before I went to bed, I tried to sing "Don't Cry" to myself to see if I knew all the lyrics by heart. Guess what! I do!

- Looking at classmates.com really made me think about my senior year in high school. That seriously was the best year ever. My mom was not too concerned about my whereabouts as long as I called her and told her where I was, and so I pretty much went nuts my senior year. Plus, it was me and Matt's first year, and everything was pretty and new and undiscovered and pure, and you know.. that's why we hang on, right? To try to feel the same way we did when we first met?

Anyway.

Wednesday. Yuck.

This was a long entry, but I feel rambly today, so you'll read it and LOVE IT!

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