A lot of stuff that includes Sarah Chalke, motivation and winning the lottery.

July 20, 2006

So, yeah, my life is a mixture of total suck and rocktasticness all at the same time at the moment.

Let's start off on a good note: rocktasticness. Well, our road trip a couple of weeks ago, while being awesome and good and such, kind of completely sucked all the money out of me AND put me in debt a little bit. But next week, hopefully I'll be seeing the fruits of my promotion with a check that has 2 months worth of back pay on it. Unlike last time, this is a 5% raise and with all the overtime I've done, that'll be nice. And then the next check after that will have nearly 30 hours of overtime on it, so that will be a very impressive amount of money, as well.

But that's just the icing on the cake. On Tuesday, I went to a little corner store to get some Fritos cuz I just bought some Subway and they don't have Fritos. While I was there, I bought a $2 lottery ticket. And I won $2,500.

Now, unlike last time when I won me some money in the lottery, I don't have thousands of dollars of debt to pay off. So, I immediately put $1,000 of it in savings, and so far I've bought: an XBox 360 for Josh (yes, I am the best girlfriend ever, I know), season 1-3 of Scrubs, season 2 of Six Feet Under and season 1 of the West Wing. I do plan to buy more than TV DVDs, but those were important purchases, man! I'm thinking that I should save a big chunk of money since I am going to be buying a house soon and everything. Oh, and I also bought the live Coldplay CD and a live Nine Inch Nails CD and Broken by Nine Inch Nails on ITunes. I cannot be stopped!

So, yeah, for the first time in my life I might actually have more money than I know what to do with. It's kind of a nice feeling.

In other news, this week has just sucked other than the lottery fun. Josh and I are having problems and really, I don't like it. I'm always halfway in between wanting him to move in forever and wanting to break up with him forever. We had pretty much our worst fight ever on Tuesday/Wednesday, and I'm just kinda over it right now. I'm tired of the bullshit, I really am. But I'm not ready to let go yet. I was really right there on the edge a couple of days ago, but...I guess we'll see. We'll either get married or we'll break up, right? Whatevs.

Work is alright but it still sucks as well. For a while there I was all egotastic, thinking I was the best worker they had, at least on the day shift. Then this chick from the night shift switched to day and then I kinda felt a little less egotastic. Then the promotions happened and now I feel pretty inferior next to these guys. I really hate that. I really hate it a lot and I'm not sure what to do. I mean...it's not like I can go any faster. And even if I did produce better quality there's not going to be many people to see it because for the most part, I review everything I do and send it out without no one else ever seeing it. All I can really do is wait until the promotion comes up again and jump on it, but I have no idea when that will be.

I hate that! I wanna be egotastic again!

Also, I'm fat and I don't take care of myself properly and I have absolutely no motivation to get up and do something about it. Well, the good thing about having money is not having to do overtime, so for the next month or so I'm gonna leave the overtime behind and maybe try to concentrate on that which is the Gym. My ass would really thank me for that.

I'm not happy right now. It's fucking July and it's so goddamn hot that there's never any escaping it. When I came home tonight, all the ladies that live in my little apartment building were outside talking about our electric bills. Yeah, last month my bill was $179. For a one bedroom apartment. But I digress...I'm just not happy. My relationship makes me happy a good deal of the time, but when we have fights like this, I can't stand it and I just want to do something about it and I feel hopeless and helpless and those are things I do not enjoy feeling. I don't feel like I get the recognition I deserve at work at all. My clothes don't fit properly and all I want to do is eat Freebirds and Taco Cabana and pizza.

My endocrinologist said, "What are we going to have to do to make you take your pills?" I said, "I dunno, I'll just try to do better." That's all well and good but it was just a routine because we've been saying that to each other for about, oh, 5 or 6 years now. I don't take my pills. I suffer for it. I don't know why I do that.

I'm in a rut and I can't seem to push myself out of it. But I've been here before and I have, so I know I'll find a way. But meanwhile, I'm becoming jaded and defiant and most of all, that word I can't think of that means I just don't care and I'm kind of on auto pilot a lot of the time. LATER: ooh, ooh, Apathetic! That is the word I was looking for.

It's not a good feeling.

One last thing: at work we're doing a shit ton of Scrubs and we're all totally in love with this show. I seriously have a growing love for Zach Braff, Dr. Cox is so totally my hero and omg, I would be SO GAY for Sarah Chalke. Do you realize how hot she is? DO YOU?!

That is all.