Weather fascination, the one where Ross got high, and a heroin overdose.

November 18, 2004

That is a picture of my car, Julio. I am starting to believe that he's on his last legs, as it took me like 5 minutes to start him this morning. He's been a good boy, but I'm a little worried. He's not looking good these days.

Anyway. So no interesting boy news to report today, other than I talked to Matt a little yesterday and he said he was lonely. Well! That's what happens when you don't see your somewhat significant other in almost a month.

I'm doing a bit of obsessing over Church Boy because I really feel like I have a chance with him. I also think that we'd have a lot of fun together. I just need to make this clear to him. I will see him on Sunday at church, and I will be doing my best to prove this point to him.

I had a good job interview yesterday, if you don't count the fact that I was almost 15 minutes late. But hey! I called to let them know I would be late! And there was a torrential downpour going on, and I didn't allow myself that extra "People in Texas can't fucking figure out how to drive in rain" time to get there. But when I did eventually get there, it went well. She even wanted to introduce me to her boss, which is not something that happens often on my interviews. She wouldn't be hiring until next year, but it's still an amazing opportunity for me. The one (big) drawback: the commute would be at least an hour and a half every day. But that's cool. I'm hardcore.

Tonight is my stay at home and clean the bathroom and watch hours upon hours of TV night. It starts with a 6 PM rerun of The West Wing. Last week it was "The Two Cathedrals", which MAY just be in my top 5 of best episodes of TV ever in the world. It's right up there with the MSCL episode with Angela and Jordan meeting in the boiler room, the Friends Thanksgiving episode when Ross has to tell his parents that he used to get high, "Lady Heather's Box", the CSI where Gil gets crazy with the S&M girl, and.. I can't think of any others. After the West Wing, we have Joey, and then Will and Grace, and then watching the rest of my Season 8 Friends DVD while trying to write a couple thousand more Nano words.

But anyway, it should be good times! Yay CSI. And yay TV in general. My roommate's boyfriend bought her a TiVo for an early Christmas present. That's no fair! Now I'm the only person in the universe that doesn't have one yet.

Last night I went to Borders to really get some work done on the novel since I neglected it on Tuesday. I wrote about 4,000 words in an hour and a half, and I do believe that they were some good quality words as a matter of fact. I am quite proud of what I wrote yesterday. A sample:

I sat down on the floor of the bathroom, dreading the inevitable knocks that would come in a few minutes to get my attention. I heard the roar of the crowd, anticipating the arrival of their new favorite band. I heard the screams of adoration. I heard Jackson fire up his drums. I heard Gabriel whispering that he loved me in my ear. I heard Gabriel telling me that there was no use trying to save me because I was going to destroy myself in the end anyway. I heard Bailey telling me that I always disapproved of her and she didn�t deserve as much as I did. I heard all the boys in my life say, �I�ll give you a call,� never intending to do so as long as they lived. I heard my parents saying, �What are you doing with your life? We know we told you that we just wanted you to be happy, but you�re fucking it all up!�

I took a needle out of my bag and stared at it restlessly. I wasn�t a big fan of heroin, but I did it every now and then to get a little kick. I stabbed it into my veins and kept myself from screaming when I felt it take over my body. I kept injecting more until I couldn�t feel my body anymore. The last thing I remember was my head hitting the toilet and knocking me out. I couldn�t feel anything anymore.

It's a feel-good novel, you see.

Here I am at Borders, looking just a bit horrifying:

I hate work today.

Yesterday I had a pretty hardcore case of weather fascination. It rained all day, and then around 5:00 the sun came out before it disappeared completely. I was so intruiged by this weather that I almost caused about 50 accidents while having fun digital camera times. PD almost had to spend the night at doggy day care because I was too fascinated by the weather to pick him up in time. I took so many pictures that the batteries ran out and I had to buy more.

I know those of you with slow modems probably hate me, but here are my weather pictures, in all their glory:

MMmmmm.. weather.

*****
a year ago...
"As a sidenote, yesterday I uttered the words "That's a lot of porn!" to almost a complete stranger. The context of those words, and to what stranger I said them to, will have to remain a mystery."

2 years...
"I'm bitter. Good god almighty, I'm so bitter that I'm about to burst from sheer bitterness. Thank you and enjoy your day."

3 years...
"It was just a really good time. While I don't feel I can tell them everything about me, I don't have to. They don't want to know everything about my past, and all the bad things I've done. It's like I'm starting over with them or something. I've only known all of them for a year and a half, and that's all the know about me. It's refreshing, in a way. I'm just so happy to have people who accept me the way I am. They aren't going to give up on me. They aren't going to forget about me and stop calling me and everything else. They are real, true, friends, and I can't tell you how happy I am to have found people like that."