Boy overstimulation, no more porn, and rehab

November 08, 2004

I don't really have anything constructive to say, but I just thought I'd say hi anyway.

Some notes of interest:

- Yesterday I threw away ALL of my porn. There was like.. 10 or 11 DVD's that have been in rotation for a while, and now it's all gone! In the dumpster! Bye bye! Even my Shane's World DVD's, which is some high quality porn, my friends.

I dunno.. there was a really inspirational speaker at church yesterday, and he was all, "Just do ONE THING to make your heart more pure, I CHALLENGE you!" So, I did it. I feel good about this decision. I'm trying to be more church-like lately, and porn is not helping my cause.

So, there ya go.

- It's amazing how much my day has improved since Farm Guy called the office this morning. I thought that perhaps I was 100% over him, but since talking to him is STILL making me smile and go into little fits of giggling, maybe not. He's a good guy.

Edited to add: Yark! I'm totally having boy overstimulation today! There was Farm Guy, and then I finally got an email back from Church Boy, and I also went to visit the client that I've had a crush on for 6 months now! It's only noon on Monday! What am I going to do with myself today!

- Waiting to hear about this job is nerve wracking. I just want to know! If I didn't get it, tell me now so I can get the depression over with sooner than later! They've been dragging this whole thing out for weeks, and it's making me want to stick a fork in my eye, or maybe kiss a rabid dog. Either one.

- Doing good with the Nano... passed the 15,000 mark, so that's good times. I'm anxiously awaiting really getting to the meat of the story. I'm also waiting to do the "Main character is a huge rock star and then overdoses on drugs and then moves to her dad's farm to get better and then falls in love with the caretaker of the farm because he's such a simple guy and that's what she needs in her life" (yes, really) until this weekend so I'll have inspiration for that part, but I don't think I'll get to that point in the story yet.

There's already been lesbian sex and a threesome. Nobody ever accused me of being classy.

- I saw Shark Tale yesterday and I laughed like a 5 year old during the whole thing, especially when Will Smith said "You had me at hello" and Renee Zellwegger's fish person had an expression like, "Hey, that's my line!" Anyway.

- Rock on.

- Songs I've downloaded today:
Goo Goo Dolls - Long Way Down
Tori Amos - Crucify
Madonna - Take a Bow
Madonna - Frozen
Fleetwood Mac - Silver Springs
Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike
Britney Spears - Toxic
Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough

.....

a year ago..
"It was brought on by the fact that Matt was denying me of closure nookie, something I really didn't appreciate it. Up to that point, I never realized how much I relied on seducing him out of the bad times of our relationship. It was a hard, and quite crappy, lesson to learn."

2 years ago..
"So, last night.. the bottom fell out. BB pissed me off so much that I could literally not stop crying. To tell you how bad the crying got, the RA for my floor knocked on my door and asked me if I was okay. I know I wasn't loud enough to resonate 6 rooms down the way, so my suitemate must have gotten up, gone to the RA's room, and told her I was in my room crying. How uncool is that? Can a girl not cry in peace anymore? Then I went outside to cry, and this dude walking by was like "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" I'm like "NO! I JUST WANT TO CRY IN PEACE!" Friggin people."

3 years...
"One thing I noticed: After the study, I was talking to Diet Friend, and we were talking about diets. I noticed that Diet Friend really likes to get right in my comfort bubble, like right in my face. That should be okay, since we're friends and such, but I just feel like I should take two steps back or something. Then I feel bad for feeling that, since we're good friends and she has every right to be in my comfort bubble. Doesn't she?"