"You look nice today."

November 15, 2004

So today I went to the bank and had my usual small talk with Mike, my bank boyfriend. Lalala, weekend, bitchy boss, and then a totally out of the blue "You look nice today" from him.

Wow. I did not see that one coming. It caused me to smile for at least one good hour later. It also made me say to myself, "What the FUCK?! Where the hell are all these fucking boys coming from these days!"

It's like one day I woke up from a coma or something and there they all are, just waiting for me to make a decision and go after it. I really kinda do feel like I was in a coma or something for nearly 6 or 7 years.. all Matt, all the time.. and look where that got me! I have awakened, my friends. And it is good.

It's just nice to be out of my funk. I know I'm not fully out, but like a groundhog, I have come up from underground and I have seen my shadow. It's a really awesome feeling. And somehow it makes me feel better about life in general. It makes me feel that even though I haven't seen Matt in 3 weeks and there's no promise of a future with us.. that's okay. Because there are other boys out there. There are boys who think I look nice when I'm wearing no make-up and my hair is slightly gross because I didn't wake up early enough to take a shower this morning. There are boys who invite me to their Sunday school classes! There are boys who suggest that I eat with them at their local East Texas eating establishments on Friday night! I am wanted. People like me, no matter what kind of excuse I want to make about "Wahh, no job too fat lalalala". My coworker said something about my aura being different, and that sounds about right. My attitude is different. I'm ready for change. I want change. Yay!

In other news, I made it to 32,400 on my Nano story, and I'll make it to 35,000 by tonight at some point. I made a really huge event (being in a band and making it to the top of the charts) in my main character's life into like, one chapter. Well! She still has a lot to do! She has to find out her best friend died from an overdose. She has to find out that her future husband fathered a child way back when and he's doing the honorable thing of marrying the mom instead of her. She still has to almost overdose herself and then go to her dad's farm to quit drugs cold turkey, only to fall in love with the handsome guy that tends to the farm. Yeah, it's a really uplifting story.

Read it!

Other news and notes: I have 2 interviews this week, I need to get my brows waxed, I'm probably going to On the Border after work, Work Guy said that I've never been on his bad side and probably never will, and I can't stop smiling because things are changing in my life. Okay then.

Anyway! Here are lots of pictures, like I promised. I know you're as excited as I am.

This is my dad and three different dogs. There are 6 dogs at the farm, so my dad and I are always in doggie heaven.

This is probably one of my most favorite pictures ever, of me and Donna and Charlie and Alf. Yay puppies!

Me and my little boy:

Awww. I love my little pumpkin baby puppy.

This is probably one of my most favoriteist pictures ever:

Yay!

Here's a pretty picture of the farm:

Here's Charlie, being all depressed because it's Sunday and Sunday is when we all have to leave and go back to the city and he has to stay with mean old Farm Guy and the rest of the doggies:

My dad's new Yukon that I took upon myself to borrow and drive to the Factory Outlets in Terrell:

It's purty. And it has XM radio!

Pretty weather pictures:

(I took that one from the highway, while I was driving. Don't be a passenger in my car if you scare easily.)

And last, but certainly not least, is the infamous picture of me and Farm Guy:

My zipper may or may not be wide open in that one, I'm not sure. It's a pretty uninteresting picture, but there it is. Right on.

And that is picture time for today! Woo.

******
a year ago..
"As long as we're talking about porn (since I apparently have "mostly sex based content"), I was telling Joey about the boobs in Love Actually when I kinda realized something. Like I just said, I am a fan of porn, but when I'm watching regular movies, a stray boobie here or there kinda turns me off. Is that weird? I don't want to see boobs in my regular movies. That makes sense, right? Okay then."

2 years..
"So I IMed BB finally yesterday, and while no fights broke out or anything, it was pretty much like I didn't IM him at all. We talked about nothing of any kind of importance. No "I love you's" or "I miss you's".. he didn't even tell me when he left to go god knows where, and I didn't even know he was gone until I messaged him and got his away message."

3 years ago..
"I feel so helpless against everything, like things are happening and the world is moving and people are doing things without me, and for some reason I can't get it together. I didn't used to feel like this. It's not fun.

I don't think I'm depressed. I've been rather depressed before and this doesn't feel like that. It feels more like.. a rut. A rut that I've gotten myself into, and I can't find the shovel to dig myself out. And I'm not even looking for the shovel."