Ode to my IPod, road trips not taken, and Love Actually.

December 25, 2004

Ode to my new Christmas IPod:

Oh, dear IPod so white
with your backlight you light up the night
you play my MP3's with zest and zeal
Oh, IPod, joy is what you make me feel
Dear IPod, I didn't know I wanted you until you were mine
Oh, Dear IPod, how you shine!

Dude, my IPod rocks! I never really knew what the purpose of an IPod was, and it always confused me as to why they were so damn popular. But after I loaded my 350 MP3's into my new toy, now I know. And life will never be the same again.

Other stuff I got: The West Wing, seasons 2 and 3, some pajamas, some knives (interesting choice by my dad), a check for some good money times, a couple of turtlenecks, some Kenneth Cole boots, some cookbooks, some make-up, a Kate Spade purse and make-up bag, and other assorted items.

Christmas is weird this year because my brother and I are spending it with our mommy for the first time since the great divorce of 1993. We actually opened our presents from our dad on the 23rd, which is way weird and didn't feel totally right, but it is nice to be here with my mommy. Her presents actually mean something, while my dad just kinda buys whatever looks pretty in the store.

It's good times, but my materialistic side is saddened that there wasn't as much stuff as last year, even though last year I was horrified by the massive quantities of crap my dad kept giving me and my brother.

I really know the true meaning of Christmas, don't I?

On the other hand, I really did enjoy watching people open the gifts I got them. Ofoto was a big player in my gift giving this year. My big gift to my dad was a photo album featuring pictures of the farm, plus little poems to go with it. It made him tear up a little, and this makes me happy. I also bought Donna a framed poster of London, my brother a framed picture of his doggie that I took the last time I was in Austin, my mom some horse stuff, and you know.. yeah.

Merry Christmas to all of you. Good times, people.

*****

In other news.. Matt is going to Vegas tomorrow and I feel really weird about it. Most of all, this doesn't really effect me one way or the other, because I just don't get to see him that often anymore, and because I wouldn't have been able to go anyway. He did invite me like.. a month or two ago, but when I said it wasn't likely, that was the end of it.

I just feel weird about it, you know? I mean yes, I couldn't really go even if I wanted to. And beyond that.. I don't think we're ready to go on a trip like that again. Last year was great, but all the problems in our relationship really came out in full force, like how we don't have much to talk about after 4 or 5 full days of being together. The biggest problem was that I found myself not retaining information or really not going out of my way to make plans or initiate anything because HE is the smart one, HE'S the one who plans the trips and as long as he's around, I don't have to do anything.

I know that's weird, but that's how it was. And I know this year we aren't ready to do that again. And I know that I need to spend New Years Eve with someone other than him, because that's what 2005 needs to be about.

I know all that, but it still makes me a little sad. While I hate driving for 6 or 7 hours at a time and having to fight the desert winds and getting gas all the damn time.. I still love the scenery. I love seeing new places and meeting new people. I love going to Vegas and having that unique feeling of lust and shame and excitement and joy all at the same time. I love finding exciting new radio stations to listen to. I used to love it when it was day 4 or 5 of a 7 day trip and Matt and I, while not being able to come up with conversations at dinner, would still be bullshitting and making each other laugh in the car. I love the sense of adventure of a road trip, and feeling like you don't have to do anything else but drive and look at the mountains.

And I mean.. Matt and I have gone to Vegas seperately before, but never on New Years. It just seems.. foreign. And not right. Last year we went the day after Christmas, and that's when he's leaving this year. I want to go, I do.. but I can't. And it's not conducive to anybody's situation right now, anyway. So.. yeah.

But I guess this is what letting go is about, and I'm okay with that. I hope he has fun in Vegas. In a few weeks I'm going to take a little trip to Shreveport for shits and giggles, so it'll be my own thing. I'm pretty sure he's going to Vegas by himself, which is weird, but he's been all about that this year. 2004: The year of inner growth. Hopefully 2005 will be about actually using that growth in a positive and productive way. At least that's what I'm hoping.

*****

Quick hits:

- I am pleased to discover that the check I deposited yesterday actually went through and now I have real live money in my account! I like money.

- My IPod rules.

- Last night, my brother and me and my mom and stepdad watched Love Actually and made chocolate chip cookies. If that's not the perfect way to spend Christmas Eve, I don't know what is.

- I am STILL looking at my email with small hope that Church Boy will answer the one I sent on Sunday. But since I sent it almost a week ago, it's not looking good. It wasn't a very important email, but you know! I feel stupid for sending it now. I should have played it cool, and I didn't, and that probably will not end up working very well for me.

- Best Buy will be getting a visit from me tomorrow, oh yes.

- I saw Farm Guy on Thursday night. We fed the horses together and it was nice. But I think he has a girlfriend so I've put the whole Farm Guy thing on hold for a while. He will be opening the present that I got for him almost 2.5 months ago today, and I'm sure some kind of awakening as to what my true feelings are will follow. It should be interesting.

That is all. I hope you're all having a fantastic Christmas, Kwanza, Hannakuh, Christmasakuh, and Festivus.