My, how things have changed

August 15, 2005

I know that I don't have much of an audience anymore, and I'm okay with that. Lately, as in for a long time now, I've really been writing more to have my thoughts on record, and I go back and look frequently at what I had to say. That's just what I do. I love that I have 4 years of my life in this weird loveable place we call Diaryland.

I was over at Donna's the other day, just checking in on my dad's ex-fiance because I liked her and will probably not approve of any of his other girl-people. She commented many times on how different I look, act, perceive things. And well, I started thinking about that and it made me happy, because you know what? I've changed.

4 years ago, this entry was basically the normal stuff I'd talk about on a daily basis. Going to Matt(one)'s, talking to people online, my TV's broken, blah blah blah. I was in college, not worried about the future, not worried about anything but what was going to happen on that particular day. I lived in a dorm, I was in a dead-end relationship, I made shitty grades, I had a few friends, and I just lived in the moment.

I feel different from that person. Ever since the second I graduated from college, I've been in this brand new world that I was totally unprepared for. I had to figure it out, I had no choice, and I think I've done a pretty fucking good job of that. I think that right now, in August of 2005, things are going really, really well.

I have this awesome apartment where 3 different sets of people have come to visit me in the past 2 days. I have a really lovely car which has been slightly injured but will be repaired in a time that is soon. I have an awesome best friend who has known me for uh, what is it, something like 14 years now? I have the greatest job ever and I work with really good people and I love doing what I do. And, of course, there's the boy. The wonderful, incredible boy that is not like any other incredible boys I've ever met.

As a sidenote, the boy and I had a close call yesterday, one where I didn't know if he would ever want to talk to me again or not. But I got to work and had an email from him that said he wants to see me again soon and hey, he would love to come to the farm with me this weekend! It's so weird, this whole only knowing him for 2 weeks thing. We've crammed so much into that 2 weeks, it seems so very much longer. But times like yesterday brings me back to reality and I have to understand that while we know the surface of each other's personality and aura and such, we really don't know the basis and the history and the good stuff like that.

But he has said some very reassuring things that makes me feel like we're going to be here for a while, so...I am happy. I am happy that he can go through a stumble with me and then pick right back up without missing a beat. He fucking rocks for that.

Anyway, as I was saying...I just wanted to brag. I am seemingly happier right now that quite possibly I've ever been in my lifetime. And right now it's raining, I'm fantasizing about the hours of making out I have ahead of me in my future, and things are good.

It makes me glad I went through those 2 years of intense soul-searching. Those years sucked the life out of me, but if I never went through them, how would I know how completely awesome things are right now? How would I not take them for granted or just feel that I deserve them and not think twice about it? I paid my dues, and to have the universe come back to me and pay me back, I am grateful.

I just wanted to share.

Other things that I will not share in full, but you will probably get the picture:
- The morning after pill...gotta love it.
- Size really DOES matter, and you all REALLY NEED to be jealous of me right now.
- I will never think of the Amazing Race in the same way again.

Okay, maybe those were inside jokes with Ali-Kat, but they are also something I want to remember and smile about.

I can't go without swooning about Matt for a second, so here I go:
OMG, he's the fucking best kisser ever in the world. It's like..when he's kissing me...he's trying to consume my soul or something. Geez Louise, I want to kiss him every single day for a minimum of 2 hours. I think that would make me happy.

Plus, ohmygod, he's just really sweet and lovely and hardcore and weird and fascinating and and and...okay, yeah, this is where I stop talking and go to bed and fantasize about things to come and listen to the sounds of the most erotic thunderstorm ever.