Holding hands: better than sex?

July 08, 2005

Don't you just love first dates?

I really did not enjoy my first date when I was getting ready for it, as I tried on about 100 shirts and none of them looked appropriate for what I was trying to accomplish. I was still changing my shirt 5 minutes before I was going to leave. I finally just settled on a black shirt. You can't go wrong with black, right?

The date itself went really, really well. I met him at the Studio Movie Grill, a movie theater and a restaurant kinda rolled into one. I like this place because it's kinda like my spiritual movie theater... I used to work there, and it's been the site of many boy encounters, and all this other stuff. So I was glad that we were meeting there.

We saw Batman Begins, although I really couldn't tell you a lot about it. I was interested to see if we had The Chemistry, and the verdict is good, my friends. The verdict is very good.

We did what I like to call the Holding Hands Mating Ritual. I know this is going to make me sound like a 15-year-old and I'm pretty sure most 25 year old adults don't really spend much time thinking about holding hands, but man alive...holding hands? Is better than sex. Seriously.

So I put my hand on my seat, kinda dangling it so that it would be reachable by his hand. Then his fingertips were grazing my hand, sending little electrical shockwaves through my body. Then he grabbed my hand. Then there was hand-holding. Then there was massaging. Then there was me almost to the point of salivating all over myself.

I started kinda brushing my fingers over his arm, and he did the same to me, and ohmygod. Do you understand how completely fucking awesome that feels? When a new person is just kinda innocently touching you, and you're getting all these little shockwaves and all your nerve endings are kinda screaming in unison? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

So I'm happy to see that not only do we have a good rapport, not only can we talk for hours and not get bored, not only do we have important things in common...we also have the Vibe, the physical connection, the intensity.

I'm obviously totally smitten with this guy, Eric, the boy who has the same initials as I do. I just keep thinking about how badly I fucked things up with Mike to the point of him walking out of my apartment and never trying to contact me again. I can't let that happen with Eric. I feel like there's something awesome happening here, but well, there may not be. I don't know him well enough to know what he's thinking and what he's going to do about it.

But I do know that he has these amazing blue eyes and he's such a talented writer and he seems to dig me at least somewhat and I jsut really want it to work out. I'm afraid, really and truly afraid, that I'm going to fuck it up.

You know.. I've deleted a couple of paragraphs and written more and deleted those too because... I guess I just can't or don't want to describe what I'm feeling right now. I'm caught in trying to be optimistic and being a realist. Sure, it went well tonight, but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen again.

I just really, really, really hope that it does.

To conclude, a poem that I wrote yesterday and posted on my writing class' website:

Lightning illuminates the sky
and I wonder where you are
The rain falls like diamonds
from rich clouds
and I wonder if you feel the moisture
can't get my mind off
what it shouldn't be on
as the thunder booms
like an angry God
and I wonder if you hear it too