Fake Tits McGee and other girlfriends of my father

October 02, 2006

I know I'm really just repeating myself, but that's never stopped me before - the coolest, most awesome part of my job is eventually getting to watch the results of it on my sofa at home.

Right now I'm watching the season finale of Celebrity Fit Club 4, a show I worked on for almost 6 hours a few weeks ago. It looks good, y'all. The hearing impaired will know what's going on, mmkay? I'm sure VH1 will air the hell out of it, so if you want to humor me, turn the captions on and watch the magic happen. It's just awesome to see my hard work pay off, and to know it's out there for everyone who has a TV to see.

There's something I feel that everyone should know: I really dislike my father's girlfriend. I have many reasons, and I will share a few at this time.
1. She looks so very Dallas Upper Middle Class. Gigantic fake boobs that have no hope of ever not looking fake, peroxide blonde hair, giant lips, no stomach, whatever. She looks fake and I don't like that. So much so that I have now resorted to calling her "Fake Tits McGee." It's not very nice, but she brought it on herself, man.

2. The first time I met the woman (a couple of months ago), she had one of those personalities where I felt I could confide in her. I dumbassedly told her that Josh is not someone my dad would approve of, and I was just kind of trying to avoid that topic with my dad altogether.

Well, apparently she thought it was really awesome to tell him that I told her that. Now, I know my dad is not a dumb guy, but he's had a few drinks since he met Josh in 1997. Him and Jack Daniels have gotten real comfy together. Plus, I thought he just didn't really pay attention to my love life. I thought that if I brought him around, my dad might have some recognition but not really know who he was.

Well, here comes Fake Tits McGee. I don't know why she did it. I guess she thought she was losing ground with him and thought she'd win points with my dad if she sold me out. Well, she did, and now we all have a fun problem that I like to call "Family Gatherings are going to be not so much fun."

The fact that this bitch sold me out THE FIRST TIME I EVER TALKED TO HER does not make me have warm feelings towards her. I'm not rude to her or anything, I just don't go out of my way to be nice. And I certainly wouldn't confide in her again, obviously.

3. This is not a very good reason but I can't help it...a few weeks ago I went to the farm to see my doggies. She and my dad had a big-ish fight and I ended up having to take her home. On the loonnng hour and a half ride home, she told me all about he brought out the worst in her and how she's just not going to take that and that will definitely be the last time she's going to see him and BOOHOO on him! Well, not so much with that. She was at dinner last night and everyone seemed happy about that.

I mean, who am I to judge someone else's relationship? Josh has brought out the worst in me more than once and I keep going back because, so what? He makes me feel good a majority of the time, he has a nice ass and lovely puppies and makes good food and cleans my apartment and does the sex really nicely and loves me and appreciates me, so if we have issues from time to time, I am mostly willing to move on. But I see this lady going back to my dad and I see it as a sign of weakness. It's wrong and I know it but I can't help it. I mean...none of us really have any idea what happens in other people's relationships, but I just know that I don't like the woman, so what can you do, really?

For the record, she's about 25 years younger than him. But, oh, what's new?

She herself is a nice person, I'm sure. But she got married when she was 18 and my dad's the second person she dated after her divorce, and I just don't think she's ready for someone like my dad. But...if he's happy and she can make him stop being so hard on me all the time, whatevs. I didn't think I'd like my mom's strange professor husband, but he's awesome, so what do I know?

But for now, she is still Fake Tits McGee in my eyes.

Anyway. This week, I have made it my mission to beat the "Master" in Scrabble. You know those Yahoo games that come on your computer? Well, I'm addicted to scrabble. I've made it through 5 different levels (like Student, Whiz, Pro, etc.) and have been stuck on "Master" for a while now. That stupid Master person (well, computer, since it's not an actual person) not only beats me, but beats me handily. If I was playing with a Scrabble dictionary or that handy little device on Scrabble.com that shows you what words you can make with your letters, I could do something about this Master asshole. But I'm trying to get by on my smarts alone, and, clearly there's not much of that.

Also my mission...Nanowrimo is coming by again and I am going to complete that fucking novel this year. Last year I slacked but this year I will do it and I will kick the ass. I am looking forward to it and you should be, too.

In pop culture news:
- My DVD player is doing something strange and so I haven't been able to watch my House DVDs, therefore my addiction has really come to an abrupt end. I still dig the show and will watch it when I can, but, you know.
- I'm watching reruns of Murphy Brown on TV Land, and it's now to the part where she finds out she's pregnant. Oooh, Murphy! I'm excited about watching what happens. I haven't seen these shows in probably more than 10 years, but I still remember bits and pieces of it.

Also, I named my viola Elden when I was in junior high school, because I was just that cool.

That "Lips of an Angel" song gets stuck in my head very easily.

I really like Ugly Betty and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Um, yah.

I would also like to add that my pretty new sofa was delivered on Saturday. The buttfaces had a pretty open delivery time, "anywhere from 7 AM to 10 PM." I actually set my alarm for 7 AM to wait for them and of course they didn't come until 4:15. Bastards. But my sofa is pretty and I like it.

I worked out tonight, finally, for the first time in about 3 weeks. It felt good, yo, really good. I will have to do that more often.

This is the longest entry I've done in a long time and also, it's 11:15, way after my bedtime. Soo...rock on and such.