the job search continues, fly fuckers, and main characters

November 11, 2004

Despite my decade long strict policy on absolutely hating the shit out of Green Day, I find myself curiously drawn to their new song, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." I heard it on the radio and I'm all, "This is a good song! I'm really enjoying it! But oh my god, that really sounds like the dude from Green Day! What if it is Green Day? What am I going to do with myself then, HUH?" And by golly, it was Green Day. I think I might need to trade my brain in now.

So, not getting the job. I am actually kind of proud of myself for the way I handled this particular news. Of course, I did spaz out in the office and cry my fool head off while driving home in rush hour traffic, but after I let that out, I was okay. I realized that I did everything I possibly could, and it was no longer up to me at that point. There wasn't really anything I could have done differently. I guess the other people who interviewed just impressed them more than I did. I bet if I were 40 pounds lighter, that job would be mine right now. So maybe no more Taco Cabana for a while, eh? But anyway, I was proud of myself for getting it together, and today I am perfectly fine, trying to find ways to get another job. It's good times. Not really, but it's trying to be.

Not that I could afford Taco Cabana.. I'd need more than $1.51 in my checking account for that.

In other news, we have officially moved the new office. We're now in a place that Work Guy and others specifically built for us, so now it's all property management-ized. I thought I was going to hate it, but it's really not that bad. It's an extra 15 minutes on my morning commute, but hey, what can you do sometimes. And it's weird because I have a desk right in the front so it's almost like I'm a real receptionist. When people come in, I'm the first to greet them. Of course, I'm sure real receptionists wear shoes when walking around the office. And they probably have matching socks on, too. I'm too hardcore for that kind of thing.

Yesterday we didn't have the internet at all, and it was a looonng 8 hours of walking around the office looking for things to do. I edited the crap out of my Nano story, which I know you're not supposed to do and everything, but bite me. I didn't want to add to it because I don't want to blow my wad all at once. I want to keep it around, add just a little at a time, savor the moment of writing. I've gotten to the point in the story where I'm thinking about what I'm going to do to my characters next, and how I'm going to kill off the main character's best friend, and why the MC can't be with the boy she trades in her groupie lifestyle for.. stuff like that. I heart Nanowrimo.

Hey! Tomorrow I'm going to the farm. A good thing about this new office is that we're like 20 minutes closer to the farm now! I can feel the Farm Guy vibes already.

I don't have any Farm Guy expectations for this weekend. I'm going to try to behave myself and not get all obsessive again, but you know me! Not getting all obsessive is not something I do very well.

As for my small group, I love them. I spent 6 months when I first got back to Dallas looking for a small group, and I'm so glad I found this one. I've had 2 other small groups in the past that meant a lot to me, and I know these people will too. I'm trying to get Church Boy to capitalize on the fact that we're the only two single people in the group, but that's a work in progress. A big one.

So on Tuesday night we were talking about why God lets us be miserable, and I went off on a whole speil about "God puts us in situations where we're miserable so that we can truly understand the meaning of happiness", and when I was finished with that, Church Boy said that I should write my autobiography because people would want to read it! And I'm all, "I'm planning on writing something similar to my life, but nobody wants to read about my life!" And then one of the married guys said, "I'd absolutely want to buy it and read it.. you're so articulate when you talk, I'd want to read the whole thing."

He said more (I think something about what a good storyteller I am), but that was the gist of it. It was an incredible compliment and I didn't take it lightly. In fact, I'm pretty sure I turned bright red and collapsed into a fit of giggles. A chick in my small group last year said she couldn't wait to read whatever I write because I'm such a gifted storyteller. I really and truly don't think of myself that way, but it makes me happy that people think that about me. It makes me really want to write something incredible so the world can realize my genius, or something. I've had this story I've wanted to write about the trials and tribulations of being in your 20's and not knowing what the fuck to do with your life, but I'm scared of writing it because I don't want it to be total crap.

Anyway, /end bragging. I just thought that was awesome.

I REALLY like me some Church Boy. He's just so attentive to me and what I'm all about. He asked me how my novel was going! He has really nice hands. I have to figure something out here, people. Our small group thing is over at the end of November, and then we only meet once a month. WAHHH!

I hope to get paid today. I am running out of gas. Cars need gas.

Predictably, Matt dropped the ball yesterday. I text messaged him about not getting the job, and he just said he was sorry, and made no other soothing comments. Later I asked him why he didn't ask me to come over or just SOMETHING, ANYTHING, and he said "blah blah busy blah" and said I probably could have come over because his roommate wasn't home. Grrr. That really irritates me. He could have stepped up and he didn't. Fucker. I haven't even seen him for almost 3 weeks. And the thing is.. I'm not really trying to see him. There has been a few opportunities where I could have, but I didn't do anything about it, and now it's been almsot 3 weeks. That's so different from how I used to be.. I used to take every single opportunity, and then some. I guess it's just not that important to me anymore.

My boss is scaring me today. No real reason why.. probably because I'm just so weary about working here for so long when it was just supposed to be 3 months. 9 months later....

Oh well. Today I've been applying to every single thing I can possibly find that has my qualifications, even if it's just four years of college. I know it'll be a challenge to find a job before the end of the year, but I really, really need to. I just do. It doesn't matter what anymore. Bluh.

We seem to have a fly problem here, and it's making me nuts. There's this one little fucker that I want to kill really hard.

Random songs that I've listened to today:
Chris DeBurgh - Lady in Red
Filter - Hey Man Nice Shot
Elton John - Original Sin
Stone Temple Pilots - Sex Type Thing
Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy

Okay then.

*****

a year ago...
"I started the whole buliemia thing a year and a half ago when Matt and I both went on a diet. He ended up losing about 120 pounds and I only lost about 20. Since we love to compete against each other, I felt like this was just another competition."

2 years...
"Okay, so I'm having relationship bitterness right now, as we all know. I'm having major issues with something, though, and that is the whole "I'm going to check my email every hour when I'm supposed to be sleeping just to see if he writes me an email" thing. It's not just that.. when I'm online, writing my story or whatever, and I see that he's online, I keep waiting for him to IM me and say something. To say ANYTHING! Like, "Hello, come get your stuff so you can be out of my life" would almost be sufficient. This is really pathetic. I tried taking him off my buddy list so I wouldn't have to see him there, but that doesn't seem to help much."

3 years...
"Ooh, my roommate just left to take a shower, that means me and Big Purple Vibrator can spend some quality time. BB and I haven't had nookified activities for 2 weeks, for some unknown reason, so yeah. Um, bye. Giggle."