Going pop culture on your asses since 2001 - the 2006 VMAs

August 31, 2006

Well, I haven't done a VMA recap recently, and I was just sitting here watching the whole thing anyway, just waiting for Axl, so here's some thoughts. Okay, a lot of thoughts. It started out to have real thoughts on people and then it just became, "Okay, where the hell is Axl?" BECAUSE THEY TROTTED HIM OUT THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THE FUCKING SHOW!

So, here we are...

- Ha! They said Axl's name at the beginning! HE'S REALLY HERE!
- Justin Timberlake is awesome and I'm not afraid to admit that.
- Damn, has Jack White always been so goddamn hot?
- Lil' Kim looks good.
- Them Jackass boys be crazy, but damn! Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera are hoottt.
- Damn, I must be in heat or something.
- I am sad that Kelly Clarkson wasn't there to accept her award. She's awesome and cute and everyone should be as cute and awesome as she is.
- Ooh, Sarah Silverman. Josh loves her more than he loves me. It's true.
- Mmm, Jack White.
- Jared Leto for half a second! Oooh, I don't care that it was more than 10 years ago, I still love my Jordan Catalano.
- Jessica Simpson has a nice body.
- I love that song "Buttons" and I can't help it, damnit! It's so damn catchy and it's in my head for an hour after I hear it! Rawr!
- I got home a little bit after it started and so I had a little fast-forwarding power and I just ran out of fast forward during this craptastic OK GO shittola. Come on, Axl, save me!
- so...many...commercials!
- who the hell is that? And how can it possibly NOT be Carrot Top?!
- Oh, Paris. I don't know about her. It's easy to not like her but actually I kinda do.
- I do not care about the All American Rejects.
- Nicole Richie makes me sad. She used to be pretty and yet a bit chubby at the same time, and now she's withered into a skeleton. I mean...it's gross, dude! She didn't look that bad tonight but I've seen pictures that are actually horrifying of the girl. Anyway. I like Nick Lachey.
- I am happy to see John Norris, even if he does have ridiculous blonde hair and looks like Frankenstein.
- Come on, you know Snoop rocks.
- That song, "Ridin' Dirty", I have heard about 4,000 times in the past 8 months as Josh digs the song much. I like it, and I am glad it won.
- Beyonce is not being very nice to my ears right now.
- More Jordan--I mean, Jared! He and Amy should spawn immediately. Anyway, I love him and he sounds smart and you know, sex and stuff.
- I'm getting nervous about Axl. I mean, we all know he's a bit flaky sometimes and it's getting late and he hasn't been here yet and WHERE IS HE?!
- Seriously, ring tone of the year?
- Yay. I like Fort Minor. But seriously, ring tone of the year?
- Panic! At! The! Disco! Sucks!
- Please, someone tell me what the hell London Bridge means. What does it mean? I know it must be disgusting in some kind of way because Fergie, she's just kinda gross.
- All right, best rock video is coming up and that seems Axl-ish to me.
- Jack White hates Jack Black.
- I can't even comment on Britney. I mean, what can you say at this point?
- Okay, has Axl been there and I missed him? I wouldn't put it past me.
- I hate Christina's hair.
- Okay, I really liked that song. A lot. But where the fuck is Axl?!
- Lou Reed and Pink? *sigh*
- Ooh, I just read he was interviewed on the online stream. I missed that shit! But apparently he's introducing the Killers, so I will sit here and be patient like a good girl.
- Billy Gibbons? *sigh*
- The Killers are next! BUHGHUHHH!
- He's coming...I feel his presence...
- Damn you, Black Eyed Peas! Take your fuckin' junk and stuff it in your mama!
- First of all, were the Black Eyed Peas, like, supposed to present something or something? And woo, Tenacious D, sure, I can appreicate the D, but...I JUST WANT TO SEE AXL FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE!
- Bam. I think I would like to have some Bam. It's true.
- Queen Latifah? Wah!
- Are you serious? You're going to give me Al Gore before you give me Axl? I am seriously losing some patience here.
- Oop! There he is. He's "on his way to the stage" looking totally confused and out of his element. Well, he is, I'll go ahead and admit that. He's about 15 years older than everyone else and he's had some issues with a lot of things and he still calls his band Guns N' Roses when he's the only original member. I get it, but you know what? I have loved him since I was 12 years old and there's seriously nothing I can do, or want to do, about it. There's a tour starting in October and I will be there and it will be the best ever, and I'm not ashamed of that. I think this is a big move on Axl's part, and I admire him for putting himself out there. Slowly but surely, he will make a name for himself again, and it will be good.
Okay, rant over, I just had to make that clear.
- I don't care about Beerfest!!!
- Okay, J Lo, hurry that big magnificent ass up.
- Somebody just won for video of the year but I wasn't paying attention.
- All right, okay, that lasted about 12 seconds, but it was worth it. Cuz we got a little smile out of him, we got the scream, we got the requisite bleep, we got the whole "I'm too cool to be a presenter"...yeah, I can totally dig that action. I'm proud of the guy, OKAY?! Love me some Axl, even if he does have dreads and looks a bit old but shut up because the man looks good!

Okay, that is all, I am seriously going to end this monstrosity now. I got what I wanted out of it, and I am happy.

Okay then. Other nuggets of interest:
- Yesterday, I was informed by listening to the radio that there was a hostage situation going on in a hotel located RIGHT NEXT to my office building. This guy had his girlfriend in a hotel room and there were shots fired and blood everywhere, which of course meant that every exit and every turn were blocked off and it took me like an hour to get to work. The entrance to my building was even blocked and I had to go through the exit! It was all very exciting. When I got to work, the security guard made running motions at me, like I was supposed to run my ass inside. Dude, no.

Anyway, it ended shortly after because the guy killed himself. Still, it was neato.

- Also, yesterday, I worked on the season finale of Saved. I'm pretty sure bad things would happen to me if I told you what happened, but trust me, if you are any kind of a fan of this show at all, you WILL watch it next Monday. So very, very awesome. I seriously gasped in shock at a couple of points and my co-workers all wanted to know what the hell was wrong with me. Such a bad-ass show, seriously.

- I went to my endocrinologist today and talked to a nurse. They basically just wanted to check up on me because the last time I was there, they took my blood and my triglycerides were like, off the charts. My thyroid was actually in normal range, so that's good. But my nurse guy, who was just unbelivably hot, by the way, explained things to me and it was okay and a little pointless. Triglycerides, by the way, are directly involved with the shit I eat on a daily basis. It's true. They have nothing to do with the pills I don't take or how much I exercise, it's just the crappy food. Something to take into consideration.

- I am horny, Horny McHornerson, and I will be mauling Josh tomorrow, and we will have sex appromixately 5 times in a 5 hour period. Okay? Great.

That is all.
Ooh! And tomorrow is my puppy baby Charlie's 7th birthday! Aww, my bubuh!