I am over boys.

October 06, 2004

I am not terribly happy with my wardrobe choice today. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight.. no.

I'm wearing an old button down shirt of my dad's, and well.. it doesn't fit. First of all, my dad doesn't have 38D boobs. Second, I think he just weighs less than me which is horrifying in itself. So, therefore, this shirt will be put in the closet until I decide, 6 months from now, to make another unfortunate wardrobe choice.

I have a plan, though. I'm going to work out 3 or 4 times a week over the fall and winter and by the time May comes around, I will be all kinds of hot. What I usually do is skip working out in the months of November-January, and then when February comes, I start working out like a maniac to look good for summer. The only time this has ever worked was last year when I was unemployed and had the time to develop this plan.

So this year I'm just going to work out consistently. At this point I know I'm not losing weight, and all I'm really doing is toning stuff. And well.. that's okay with me. Once I get the food thing under control, it'll be all good. I don't know when this will be, but hopefully it will be soon. Like, right now my goal is to eat like a pig until Tuesday and then Wednesday be all "Now that I'm 25, I have to diet like I've never dieted before." That is my plan. We shall see.

In other news, I am SO over boys right now. Okay, one boy. One boy named Matt. I'm tired of him. I want him to make up his fucking mind so we can move on with our lives.

*rant*

He seems to have some kind of fascination with asking me to come over in the middle of the day after I go to my dad's office to get the mail. Like, I'm going to drive the 30 minutes to his house, participate in 8 minute nookie, and then drive 30 minutes back to the office so my boss can be all "Uhh, what took you so friggin long?"

I mean, I dilly dally a lot. I get the mail, I get gas, I get lunch. But that doesn't take a whole extra hour. And seriously? When is the last time he sacrificed something to see me? Last week I left work 2 hours early because I wanted to go home and take a nap. I was having all these weird period related problems - cramps, dizzyness, craptasticness - and I just wanted to go home! But I said, "Hey, want me to come over?" And he was all, "Sure!"

So basically what I did was leave work 2 hours early just to come please him since I was having my friend. We cuddled for like 30 minutes, watched Father of the Pride, and then I sat through 30 minutes of traffic to go home and not be able to take a proper nap because by then it was 6:00 and not nap time anymore!

He might have done shit like that for me in the past, but until he steps up and shows me that he's willing to do it now, I'm just not going to make an effort anymore. I'm mad at him. I am disgusted with him. He actually wrote me an email before he went to bed asking if I wanted to come over in the middle of the day to have nookie times, and then actually GOT MAD when I said I didn't want to!

I mean.. he's never had a normal 9-5 job and he can take off and go to Oklahoma and Louisiana whenever the hell he wants, just as long as he's back for the football game. He doesn't understand the 9-5 mentality, and therefore he's always giving me guilt trips when I say I can't drop everything and do whatever he wants me to.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of him not making an effort. I'm tired of him always expecting ME to be the one to sacrifice. I'm fucking tired of it, people. And the thing is, I've done it for so long now that he probably expects it and that REALLY sucks because now I feel like I have to just because I always have in the past! And maybe I was more spontaneous and fun in the past, but fuck, I was 18 years old! I'm almost 25 and now it's time to focus on things other than pleasing my pseudo-boyfriend's pants. Grawr.

When I am all nice and hot in May, that's when I'm going to start being on the prowl. That's when I'm going to start getting on the internet sites and you know, whatever single people do to get boyfriends around here. I haven't "dated" since I was 17, but damnit, I think it's fucking time to try. But not until May. May, May, May. Matt will be 27 in May. Yikes.

*/rant*

I want to take a nap today. Yes siree.

Also, I want to mention that I love having the benefits of having a dog in the apartment without having all the responsibility. I can love on him and have him greet me when I come in the door and all that fun stuff, but I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with him if I go out of town or if I can't go home after work and all that stuff. Good times! Don't get me wrong, I still walk him almost daily when I come home and my roommate isn't there, but still. Yay no responsibility!

I went to church last night, where the inevitable "Funny Fat Girl" made an appearance. Also, a new girl sprouted out of me, one that has been waiting in the wings for a while. That girl is "Job Complainer" girl. I can't help myself.. I want people to feel pity for my job situation. I want to complain that I know that God exists in my life somewhere, and I really want to believe he's there for me, but what the hell is up with this not finding a job in almost 2 years thing? If he's trying to teach me patience, I GET IT, MAN! Let's move on with the whole patience thing, okay?

Thanks.

This was a lot longer than I meant it to be.

Here's a picture that's maybe in the top 5 best pictures ever in the world:

I almost can't handle seeing Sebastian and Axl all in one place. I might just die.

Here's a purity test:

Okay then.

*****

a year..
"This sent me into a great, leaping, crazy bout of freakoutedness. I'm talking punching the walls, throwing my tennis shoes across the room, crying so loud my neighbors come by and ask me what the hell is wrong. If that guy hadn't come by when he did, I don't know what would have happened. I was seriously going through my drawer to find a knife. Not for suicidal purposes, really.. I don't know why I was looking for a knife. But the dude came (and damn, he was all shirtless and hot and shit) and took one look at me and said, "Don't hurt yourself!" I made myself calm down after that. I didn't want to become the freak of my apartments, after all."

two years..
"So is anyone else fascinated by the Supreme Court, or is it just me?"

3 years..
"Between love and madness lies Obsession."