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I am sweaty and I smell bad. Read this, please.

February 04, 2008

Hi, D-land. Me again. Yay.

So I just got back from working out. I did 30 minutes on the bike, 34 minutes on the treadmill. I'm sweaty and gross and I smell, and it's such an awesome feeling. I was smiling when I got off that treadmill because I felt productive; like I was actually doing something helpful for myself.

So it's been a little over a month since I started working out and it's safe to say that it's now a routine. I haven't missed more than one day in a row in between working out. I went to Austin last weekend and even worked out there. I'm good with the working out, and I should have known that in the first place. I should have known that working out, ever since I started going with any sort of regularity during probably my sophomore year of college (OMG 8 years ago!), is the easy part. I can go, I can do 45 minutes to an hour of cardio, I can do my strength training for 30 to 45 minutes, I can do my sit-ups and go home. When I go to the gym, I don't go to dick around, y'all. I'm serious about it. I get stuff done.

So that's all wonderful and nice. But the thing is, I haven't lost any weight. My stomach is a little smaller and my ass doesn't feel so gigantic and I know if I keep going at this pace, I can finally wear sleeveless shirts in the summer, which has been a goal of mine for a long, long time. But I'm not losing weight and I'm not trying to control what I eat. I mean, I am, a little. I've really cut back on the Dr. Pepper, at least. On certain days I'll make better choices. But inevitable there's pizza and chips and salsa and cheese and chocolate to contend with, and so here I am again. This will end up like it always does if I don't change the way I eat, and I can't fucking handle being such a fat ass for another year of my life. I don't want to, I'm tired of it, I'm done.

So I have to do something about that. I don't know what. I have no idea. If I don't get to participate in the weight loss study whenever it actually happens, then I will kindly ask my endocrinologist for more Meridia. Meridia does make me feel weird sometimes. Josh thinks it makes me a little bitchy. I think it makes me skinny because I have absolutely no desire to eat when I take it. But it is at least a good catalyst for starting the eating better process. But most of all it's about choices, and at some point I'm going to have to put the big girl pants on and make the right choices. I will not lose weight if I don't, and that scares me. I can work out every day for 2 hours at a time and I'll still have that strange pregnant-like belly that haunts me every day of my life.

Tonight I went to El Fenix with my dad and of course ate like a pig. It could have been worse. I could have gotten queso and ate more chips and drank more Dr. Pepper, and I could have not worked out afterwards. Blah blah blah I know, but I just have to let the universe know that I know I will not lose the weight until I make the choices. I got it.

ANYWAY. Moving on. Like I said, last weekend I went to Austin. It was nice to spend some time with my brother and his boyfriend but it was also awkward as hell. My brother is stressed out all to crap right now because the real estate market sucks, and he was not as fun and games as he has been in the past couple of years. Plus, he and my dad aren't really speaking and he's avoiding all family functions that my dad is a part of. He's been doing that for 2 years now and I hate it, y'all. But he's going through something that I don't understand, and we got into a big discussion about it, and as usual it made me want to cry like a baby. Whatevs. People gotta do what they gotta do.

And my brother was busy with some stuff, so when his personal trainer came to his house (!), I took his spot. The trainer was so awesome. She was mean and inflicted a great amount of pain on me, but I loved her. She was also impressed with how "strong" I am. I'm used to using the 5 pound weights at the gym for now, but I did perfectly fine with the 15 pound weights, so that was fun. We ate good stuff and had fun with puppies and it was generally fun times.

Last week I had to work on a movie called Step Up. I was dreading it, but umm I actually really loved it a lot. So much so that I added Channing Tatum to my top 8! I know, right? I liked the story and the soundtrack and the movie and yeah. I'm going to get on DVD and watch it when I need some guilty pleasurable fun.

I worked all day yesterday and couldn't bring myself to care about the Super Bowl. Apparently I missed something. I'm glad the Giants won because I kind of don't like Tom Brady, only because he knocked up Bridget Moynahan and then ran off with Giselle. That is not attractive manly behavior.

Josh and I are quite lovely. I spent a lot of time with him this weekend and we didn't fight in the slightest. I know better than to know this is going to last--sooner or later one of us will do something and we'll be mad at each other for a month. But right now we're good, and I love him, and for some fucking reason he gets sexier to me like every fucking day. And when he plays the drums for Rock Band, I'm like a goddamn groupie, I swear. I want to throw the drumsticks out of his hands and jump on top of him. I don't know if it's hormones or what, but good lord.

Also, I'm not pregnant. And when I went to buy the pregnancy test, the check out chick wanted to talk about it! She was all, "Do you have kids? Do you WANT to have kids?" And I'm all...OMG lady I just want to go home and pee on this stick and know what the hell is going on with my ovaries! So that was awkward.

My three year anniversary at work is on Friday. Seriously. 3 freakin' years.

I'm happy about Juno getting nominated several times for the Oscars. Yay movie!

And since I haven't beaten you over the head with anything related to CSI lately, here's a promo picture or something to that effect that someone found last week, and it seriously made my whole day when I saw it:


Snorgle!

Also, here's a video that I came across tonight that makes me very, very happy. Ah, the good old days...

November Rain Guns N' Roses

Add to My Profile | More Videos

*content sigh*

I'm out like a whore in church.

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