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Losing hope in everything except fangirling

September 29, 2007

Is it a bad sign when you nor your boyfriend particularly care to see each other any time soon? I haven't seen him since Monday morning, and while neither of us are doing anything tonight, we both kind of agreed that we wanted to do our own thing. Which is cool, but...you have to wonder, don't you?

I pretty much think it's my fault. At first, we were together all the time, and then I started wanting more alone time because that's just what I'm used to. He didn't like that at first and we had a lot of fights about it, but eventually he became mellowed out about it. And now, at this point, almost 2 years into the relationship, it's like if we hang out together, cool. If we don't, cool. And I honestly don't know how I feel about that anymore. It's bugging me, but I just think that eventually, it'll solve itself. Because that's how I cop out of all life's hard problems. Fun, right?

I'm in such a craptastic mood tonight anyway. My mom was here from about 6:30 last night to 10:30 this morning, and that just wasn't long enough. I miss my mommy. And I went to the mall to buy some bras just because I need bras, and I had to buy 2 gigantic bras because the size I've worn for years didn't fit. And in general, I'm just...blah.

It seems like the only thing I'm passionate about right now is my crazy CSI fangirl ravings, and I realize how out of control sad that is. I just plain lose my shit over this fucking TV show. I think it may be the last year for it, and I'm okay with that...if they do it right. But this show, this stupid TV show, will go down in my history as being the show that made me crazy. Even more then My So Called Life, which always makes me a little nostalgic and crazy happy. CSI to me is how some people, some people I know, even, think about Buffy. And you know how obsessed those Buffy people can get.

Like, a fanfic I wrote yesterday at the spur of the moment got about 20 reviews, which is really good for me. I watched the premiere again today, and it was much better not having to watch it with 4 people who couldn't really care less. And OMG next week is going to be the best episode ever, like, seriously best ever. *drools*

Oh, and there's a save Jorja campaign going on, too. You know how the Jericho people sent peanuts or whatever? Well, we're sending dollar bills. Yeah, I know. I sent 6 letters, 6 dollar bills to the Powers that Be today urging them to reconsider Jorja Fox. I doubt it'll make a dent in whatever they decide, but I just felt like being proactive about it. I'm a dork.

Also, just so we know? CSI kicked Gray's Anatomy's ASS in the ratings. It may very well be the top rated show of the week. There are other people besides me that give a shit, and that is good.

I just feel blah, and in 2 weeks I'll be 28 and that's retarded, and I want to write more fanfic but at some point there's just not enough to write about anymore. Which obviously means I need to write The Novel, and I will. I need to get my research together and just write the fucking thing already. I'm not going to do Nanowrimo this year because I know I can write a novel, I've participated 5 times and written 4 different novels, and this year I wrote that 58,000 word fanfic, so I know I CAN do it. But can I do it well is the question, one I hope to answer soon.

And my job...I need a new one. I keep saying that and yet doing nothing about it, but we all pretty much think our job is safe until probably January, in which the work comes in less and less and they freak out and we all get fired. So...I really need to suck it up and do something about that before I let it catch up with me and I'm out of the job. Being unemployed, looking for a job every damn day...I don't want to do that again. It was not a good time in my life.

I'm bored. So very bored. And the only thing left to do about it is eat some chips and garlic salsa. I mean, right?

Things better get more interesting then this eventually or I will lose all hope in humanity.

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